Pendulum
by Amarissia
Summary: One strikes out, the other lashes back - that has been Naoe's pattern with Kagetora for far too long. After four hundred years, can it be broken? Yaoi, angst, adult themes. Naoe/Takaya. Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

_This is my first Mirage of Blaze fic. I'm used to dealing with Final Fantasy characters, whose stories are complicated, but not quite on this level, so bear with me, okay? _

_Getting this out of the way - there will be some slight changes to the MoB canon, either because they're necessary or because I don't have the necessary information. Some historical facts will be utilized, others ignored completely. My apologies in advance to Kuwabara Mizuna, who rules this crazy world, and to Japan. Yes, all of it._

_The idea behind this fic is that if Naoe had been more upfront with Takaya/Kagetora about their past prior to episode seven of the anime, and if he had learned certain key things earlier, things might have turned out very differently. This will be Naoe/Takatora, it will be yaoi, and if you're meeting me here for the first time, I will do my best (within the confines of the story's plot) to scare you away. Those who know me from my FFVII ramblings, more of the same, but look, this seme's got a built-in Crazy Switch!_

_I think that's it for now. Feel free to review or ask questions, no infringement intended, and I do use some Japanese words/terms, but I think only the ones that you're probably all familiar with._

_And now..._

**PENDULUM  
**_Chapter 1 - Simulacrum_

The season had started off well, maybe the first in their four hundred-year history to ever do so. The summer that descended upon Japan was cooler and clearer than most, and even the muggiest days were brought a respite with each brisk evening. After each day of investigating and exorcising, the pair of Yashashuu would return to their hotel a little or greatly drained. Naoe always suggested rest, but Takaya often felt an urge to walk in the night air, and the elder accompanied him with understanding. This was something Kagetora had always done, and though Takaya still claimed to remember nothing, Naoe could swear he'd seen flashes of memory light up the boy's amber eyes.

If there had ever been any doubt about Takaya's identity - which there had not been; Naoe had never been wrong about this - it would be well put to rest by now. After laying dormant for so long, Kagetora's powers had mostly returned, and the force and strength of them awed Naoe, just as they had when he'd first witnessed them. Takaya's only difficulty was in controlling them, in not allowing his quick anger to...blow up a building? Destroy the whole country? Naoe didn't want to think of what this new Kagetora might be capable of, this fiery teenager who only rarely displayed his old coldness. Fortunately, there were other changes in Kagetora as well.

In the absence of memory, in the need to learn his position over again, Takaya acknowledged Naoe as a teacher, a superior. He listened to him without hauteur, without complaint or command. He joked or teased Naoe, unaware that Kagetora would cringe to witness such informality. Takaya got excited, got angry, briefly sulked - in short he acted his age, which the young Kagetora, as far as Naoe could remember, never had. Like a child, even, he called to Naoe to watch when he was about to do something impressive. He even let Naoe stand behind him to adjust his stance, a position that Kagetora for some reason had been very uncomfortable with. There was actually nothing wrong with the way he stood, but Naoe couldn't help himself. He reveled in this new trust accorded him, as much as he was pained by how undeserved it was.

All in all, Naoe could not remember a happier or more peaceful time in four hundred years. Now that Kagetora could use his powers again, the fear of him being helpless had passed. Naoe found himself praying, when he prayed, that Takaya would never remember their sordid past, that he would remain what he was. If Kenshin had not by now wreaked vengeance on him for lusting after his son, Naoe reasoned, who knows? Maybe he'd even grant the prayer, or send it on to someone who could.

Takaya stirred a little in the passenger seat, and Naoe looked, but the boy went still again, cheek nuzzled against the seat's fabric, disarrayed bangs falling into his eyes. Kagetora had always seemed younger in his sleep, and now he looked like the kid he was, able to doze off on this long ride because he knew his guardian was there. Naoe's heart clenched up in a painful glow of protectiveness. Kagetora had scorned and only coldly tolerated Naoe's position, and sometimes the look in his eyes said he regarded the whole thing as a mirthless joke. Naoe, his guardian? _Naoe_, who he may have respected grudgingly, but regarded as a threat to him as much as any warlord?

"Mmm...where are we?"

Another glance. Takaya was blinking tiredly at the windshield, clearing his mind of the haze of sleep. He shifted, turning a little to his right...instinctively, Naoe tensed, expecting tiger eyes to look down on him in contempt, or worse, to narrow in accusation.

_Cold room, a cold body vacated of soul. Naoe watched the stream of pure light pour into the new vessel, watched with an unbearable hurt as the woman in those eyes vanished and a familiar hate filled them._

_"...I will never forgive..."_

But no, it was Takaya, only Takaya's sometimes-aggressive but essentially guileless current self looking at him, probably wondering why Naoe had frozen. "Naoe?"

"Sorry. We are about to enter Uozu City. Did you sleep well, Takaya-san?"

"Oh, right," the boy said absently. "You wanted me to meet someone. Who is it? Another famous name?"

Some combination of sullenness, sadness and trepidation came over Takaya's face as he said this, displacing his waking blankness. Naoe took this in with concern, grateful that he had learned to read his lord's expressions so well. And struck by a jolt that hit him before, the day Yuiko had nearly pushed Lady Sanjyo's spirit out of her and Takaya had seen the blaze of it: never in four hundred years had Kagetora's face looked so much like that of his original body.

"You'll see when you meet them." Delaying a problem might not be the best course, but procrastination was hardly the unhealthiest thing about this relationship. "Why don't we take a break?"

_mobmobmob_

The isolated, oceanside highway had offered beautiful scenery for many miles, mountains and villages giving way to a cliff wall on one side, endless, sunlit blue on the other. Naoe pulled into a rest stop, shook feeling back into his legs and grabbed his sunglasses. By the time he exited the car, Takaya was already leaning against the nearby railing, staring out with a searching look on his face. Naoe fought the urge to touch him and merely stood as close as he dared. He found he couldn't turn toward the sea or move at all, or do anything but watch Takaya's face, lose himself in its beauty and confusion.

"This is a famous spot for seeing mirages," he had planned to say; when they traveled, he always made sure they stopped at places of interest like this. But the subject brought to Naoe's mind their conversation about kanshousha, about their practice of ousting the soul from a body and infesting it like a parasite. The image of Minako burned behind Naoe's eyes, inciting a quiet shudder of self-loathing. He had done what he had to to protect Kagetora, would do it again, but it hadn't been love, it was force and need and a disregard for two lives who had dared love each other.

_Yes, we are parasitic. Nothing so harmless as symbiosis._

"There are so many different colors of ocean." Takaya still sounded distant, and Naoe wondered if the boy was fully awake. "The blue of it is much darker in Odawara."

The name brought a chill, a cold foreboding. "Takaya-san...have you ever been to Odawara?"

Takaya shifted uncomfortably, not a gesture common to Kagetora, but easy enough to read - he didn't want to answer. He must have been remembering, as Naoe was, the hospital room, the meditative attempt to retrieve Kagetora's full power, and Naoe shaking him out of it almost hysterically. Takaya knew Naoe no longer wanted him to remember, though he felt obligated to encourage it, and therefore there could only be one reason the boy looked so pained. He was remembering.

"Have you...are you..."

"I keep seeing these flashes," Takaya admitted. "Things like the ocean, a full moon. Being with someone, riding our horses on the beach. The sound of a flute."

"You played it."

"What? When?"

"When you were Kagetora-sama, my lord."

Takaya must have sensed the distance in that response, because he scoffed softly and nudged Naoe, his faint smile bringing back the elder's. "Aren't you always insisting I still _am_ Kagetora?"

_Gods, let him stay like this, I'll do anything._ "Indeed you are."

"Did we know each other then?"

It hurt to remember, it always did, but thinking of this longing's beginning had its own particular sting. "We were acquainted, yes, but we did not know each other well."

"Then, why - "

"Aw, isn't this nice. The dog and his master are on vacation. What's next, a game of toss-the-stick?"

Without thinking, Naoe got in front of Takaya, keeping himself between him and the intruder. Takaya was confused, not unduly alarmed, and maybe he had no need to be, but Naoe wasn't taking the chance. Kousaka, dressed fashionably and slightly effeminately as always, quirked an amused smile at Naoe's predictable possessiveness. He took in the possessor-monk's territorial anger with a soft laugh, then his eyes flickered over to Takaya, observed him with interest until Naoe spoke up.

"Kousaka."

"This is Kousaka? The one who went after Yuzuru?" Though Naoe wasn't facing him, he could feel Takaya's rising anger. The boy was easily provoked, true but few things aroused his wrath as quickly as threats to Narita-kun.

"It's been quite a while, Kagetora-dono. I see you haven't lost your ability to glare, at least."

"_This_ is who you wanted me to meet?!"

"Of course not!"

Kousaka continued idly, watching the Yashashuu like they were a private joke he was enjoying. "I've been wanting to have a long talk with you, Kagetora-dono, you know, to catch up. Love your new form, by the way. You look almost like yourself. Have you thought of growing your hair out?"

Takaya was growling softly; Naoe spoke hurriedly. "Why have you come, Kousaka? To spy on Etchu?"

"'Spy' is such a strong word, Naoe. You _wound_ me." The kanshousha shook his dark hair with a dramatic sigh. "This area has been causing some commotion, let's say."

"Who is it? The Oda?"

"More annoying than that."

"Who?"

"Let's not talk here. There's a café just down this road."

_mobmobmob_

It was harder than Naoe had expected to sit in the booth beside Takaya and not touch him. He tried to be calm so that that, and his close presence, would reassure the boy - he knew these things usually did. On the way here he had quickly explained to Takaya that while Kousaka was definitely no ally, he did occasionally provide useful information, and so it was worthwhile to hear him out. But as they sat in the near-empty restaurant sipping iced tea, Takaya's tension and anger continued to be palpable.

It really didn't help that Kousaka kept smiling at him with that oh-how-interesting expression.

"The believers from Ikkoushuu have started to move."

Now that Takaya was in grumpy-teenager-mode, Naoe briefly imagined he could hear the boy's thoughts - _Who? Huh? Whatever._ He kept from snickering at this and thus making himself look insane, and solemnly repeated "Ikkoushuu?"

"Did you hear about Akechi Mitsuhide?"

"You mean..."

"Mmm-hmm. The Ikkoushuu and Akechi Mitsuhide have formed an alliance against the Oda."

Absurdly, Naoe felt another urge to giggle. Takaya was listening but pretending not to, looking out the window beside him and giving off a stream of adolescent _Don't care don't care don't care_ vibes. Now that Naoe was temporarily in charge of this Yashashuu...army...thing, he knew he should discourage childish behavior. But it was so cute, so un-Kagetora, except the haughtiness of it. A smile or laugh was coming up; Naoe hid it by taking a long sip from his glass.

Kousaka had gone back to staring at Takaya. "He has no ambition in this life either, huh, Naoe? I feel like I'm looking at Kenshin of the old days."

That made Takaya turn back to the conversation, narrowing his golden eyes dangerously in Kousaka's direction. _That_ was very like Kagetora, who had always been unquestioningly devoted to his adopted father and ready to pounce on anyone who insulted him. Looking closely, though, Naoe saw a flash of vulnerability, even fear, that he couldn't quite place. Kousaka, having no doubt heard that Kagetora didn't have his full powers back yet, and no doubt remembering Kagetora as a reserved man not given to impulsive behavior, was obviously not considering two important things. One, that Kagetora even at low power was a force to reckon with, and two, that right now Kagetora was a teenager and thus not so good with impulse control.

Continuing with the giddy undercurrent beneath his serious mood, Naoe thought the spectacle of Kousaka being hurled through the window might be well worth the hassle of dealing with the restaurant's staff.

"If Kagetora-dono wanted to," Kousaka continued fearlessly, "he could rule this land under the threat of his exorcising power. But he seems happy in this comfortable age, surrounding himself with fools. Or is it your old sense of justice, Kagetora-dono? Daddy must be so proud."

Kagetora, a Kagetora who remembered everything, including how to deal with Kousaka, would have remained calm and diffused the situation with a cold but casual insult, to show that he had no intention of being baited. But this was Kagetora without his centuries of knowledge and experience, a Kagetora working blind with the little he had relearned and influenced by his current age and hormones and barely seventeen years of living memory. Takaya pressed his fingers against the tabletop until all color left them, and continued to glare.

"Oh, how rude of me to speak so familiarly," Kousaka went blithely on, showing a calculating smile. "I should call him 'Kenshin-kou', shouldn't I? I've always wanted to ask you, Kagetora - what did he have you call him in bed?"

Naoe was almost relieved. This was an old barb, an insult that had begun in their original lives out of jealousy among Kenshin's men for the way he favored an adopted son, a former Hojo, above his Uesugi retainers. Naoe suspected this rumor had once been hurtful to Kagetora, but for hundreds of years had seen him dismiss and ignore it without anger. Kagetora knew better, knew the truth. At least, he used to.

Naoe scowled at Kousaka, then looked to Takaya, prepared for the boy to jump up and let his fists fly.

This, however, was where things took a turn Naoe hadn't expected.

_mobmobmob_

The ride to the hotel where Naoe had made reservations was tense, a clearing of the air following an explosion. It could have been worse, he told himself, in so many different ways. Kagetora could have lost control of his powers, Takaya could have fought the arms that physically pulled him back to the car, the hands attached to those limbs could have touched the boy in the way Naoe desperately wanted to. Or Naoe might have laughed out loud at the dumbstruck expression frozen on Kousaka's face as they left. Clearly he had been as surprised as Naoe to see the refined, elegant Kagetora - a child born to and adopted by Japan's noblest families - stand up and furiously shout that he was in no mood to sit there and be insulted by "Takeda Shingen's butt-boy".

Fortunately, Naoe's old retainer-instincts and the people skills he'd gained as a handsome man and a monk kicked in, and in seconds he had thrown a handful of bills on the table, apologized smoothly to the staff and hustled his lord toward the exit. Takaya struggled in his light grip, but only half-heartedly, seeming momentarily deflated by his outburst or the jibe that had prompted it. Naoe watched his charge with concern as he drove, giving Takaya time to cool down and wondering exactly what was wrong so he would know exactly what to say.

"I thought you wanted me to meet someone." Low voice, strained but devoid of anger. A jolt of strong desire to hold the boy told Naoe that Takaya was sad as well, about something or everything.

"There is no hurry. I believe we should rest and leave that to tomorrow evening."

"I'm fine," Takaya said quietly, but didn't argue further.

"We've been busy, an early night will refresh us. Takaya-san - "

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You always address me with an honorific, even though I don't do that for you. You'll make people think I'm even less polite than I really am." Takaya smirked, never having much cared if strangers thought him rude. "Can't you just use my name?"

"...no, my lord." Formality in speech toward one of higher station was an old, ingrained habit. His constant use of "-san" was about as casual as Naoe could be. "I apologize."

Takaya looked pained again, as though the apology had hurt him, before his expression hardened into something closer to cool anger. Closer to Kagetora. "You weren't on my side."

Ouch. To think that such a sullen, childish remark could wound a grown man. "It's not that, Takaya-san. I merely thought it would be unwise to make a scene in that - "

"No. The Otate No Ran. You weren't on my side." Takaya's voice had gone cooler, away from anger and toward the chilly emotional void Kagetora so often spoke from.

"No...I wasn't. But that was four hundred years ago."

Takaya turned toward the window, leaving his face visible only in profile and his accusing eyes mercifully obscured by shadow. "Then why you?"

They had entered the hotel's parking lot, and the question didn't seem to be directed to Naoe, so for the moment, he decided to leave it. Neither said anything more than was necessary while they ate a quick dinner in the restaurant adjoining the lobby, and Takaya steadfastly refused to meet Naoe's eyes. Once back in their two-bedroom suite, the boy was about to hurry into the privacy of his own space when Naoe got between him and the door, not trusting himself to detain Takaya by touch. The elder meant to plead for more open communication or gently express worry, but what came out was:

"When did you remember I was not on your side, Kagetora-sama?"

Takaya was looking past him, eyes fixed on something. "I didn't."

Naoe followed his gaze to a small table in the corner of the shared sitting room, and immediately understood. Left on it was a book he'd noticed Takaya carrying for the past week or so; unusual, because Takaya was no bookworm, nor was he at all dutiful when it came to homework. Naoe moved closer, picked up the volume and silently read the title. _Blood And Soil: The Warring Clans of the Sengoku_. Aha. He'd known Takaya had done a little research into his own past not long after they reunited, and apparently he was doing so again.

Flipping through the glossy pages, Naoe felt nostalgia wash over him, like an old man perusing his high school yearbook. Familiar names that looked odd in modern print, familiar faces distorted by the perceptions and limits of long-dead artists. Foes who had risked all to seek world conquest, pitifully reduced to dates and battles memorized by schoolchildren. The Oda, the Hojo, the Takeda. There, reprinted for all to see, was the famous love letter from Shingen to a young and jealous Kousaka, a reassurance of devotion in the warlord's typical flat style. Naoe almost laughed. _We believed we would make history. Live forever. These men who would be giants are only names now._

"I thought it was odd that you would remember that, of all things," Naoe admitted, pointing to the letter, indicating the relationship between Shingen and Kousaka. "This book probably also told you, if you didn't remember, that such things were common then. Same-sex relationships had none of the stigma they..."

Takaya had flinched, and Naoe, distracted by this, trailed off slowly. Could _that_ be what was bothering the boy, something that small and unrelated to him? Kagetora's amnesia meant he had been more affected, more shaped by the present than the other kanshousha, who had long breezed through history with their personalities already formed and intact. Included in that was a view of sexuality that did not divide people into the overly rigid categories of gay and straight; Takaya didn't have this. Or rather he did, but didn't remember he did. Still, Kagetora, homophobic? That wasn't right, wasn't it.

But...Naoe thought back to his early years of service to Kagetora, the way the younger had gotten furious whenever Naoe touched him, hated Naoe even standing behind him. Back then, Naoe had attributed this to an intelligent mistrust of a former enemy, and it had dissipated over time. Never gotten _good_, never become closeness, but Kagetora had learned to trust him, at least to a point. Besides, it wasn't just Naoe; Kagetora had never seemed comfortable with anyone...except Minako. And Haruie. Come to think of it, Kagetora had become much warmer to Haruie when she began to reincarnate as a female.

_Well, it was like that with all of us, women were a refuge from war. But is it more than that? What am I missing?_

"Do you find such things offensive, Kagetora-sama?" he heard himself ask coolly, indicating the reprinted letter again.

"What? Homosexuality? No." Takaya smirked, but it was tense, guarded. "Something you wanna tell me, Naoe?"

_Yes. No. Yes._

"No. Takaya-san, please tell me what's bothering you. I would like to help."

The teenager studied him, weighing Naoe's words and sincerity and gentle gaze against his own trepidation. Kagetora's wariness and Takaya's need for guidance were fighting almost visibly in those dark golden eyes, and the resigned look of trust that broke through declared Takaya the victor. He took the book and sat down on one of the couches, indicating the place beside him - not _too_ close, however - and Naoe took it with a smile. This was Kagetora, all right. Only he could defeat himself.

"Has this book been prompting your flashes of memory, Takaya-san?"

"Other way around, mostly. I was hoping it would help me understand the stuff I've seen. It hasn't, really."

"Ah. History doesn't record the things that matter most."

"You should write one about the Yami Sengoku," Takaya said with a derisive laugh. "People might believe a monk."

"Perhaps if Kagetora-sama gave me a good review."

"Yeah, right. 'This guy is a slacker monk, don't listen to a word he says.'"

Joking, they were _laughing_ and _joking_ together. As Naoe flipped the pages and Takaya unconsciously edged closer to him, he felt like he was filled up inside with warm light, happy, grateful, praying this ease of togetherness would never end. A full-page illustration of Lord Kenshin caught his eye, a rather good one, and Naoe stopped. Takaya stiffened, the warm light rushed away, and the moment snapped like a twig under too much weight.

"What's wrong?" Naoe knew that Takaya responded to his gentlest voice even when Kagetora wouldn't. "Can you remember Kenshin-kou at all?"

The boy had closed his eyes, and now he nodded. "A little."

Was this fear? Though a man renowned for his compassion and justice, Kenshin had been, Naoe recalled, very intimidating to his foes and those experiencing his powerful charisma for the first time. From what Naoe remembered of Kagetora in their original lives, there had been love and trust between the warlord and his adopted son, and as general of the Uesugi Underworld Army, Kagetora had continued to revere his father. But the duty Kenshin had placed on his shoulders was a heavy burden. If Takaya was resenting that, Naoe couldn't blame him.

"What do you remember?"

"Feeling..." Reluctance. Takaya didn't want to talk about this, and was plainly only doing so because he wanted the reassurance of his retainer's presence and knowledge. Naoe wanted very badly to hold him, and might have tried had he not kept speaking. "Feeling safe."

_Oh...then why..._

"I keep seeing his face reflected in a pond, obscured by falling leaves. He laughs softly. It's quiet and peaceful, with young trees and flowers all around."

"That was Lord Kenshin's private garden, his favorite spot for meditation. You were one of the few who didn't require permission to enter it."

Takaya looked at him, quietly with those strange, remarkable eyes. For what? He couldn't bring himself to say whatever it was out loud.

"Takaya-san..."

"I remember the garden at night, too. Looking at the stars' reflection in the water, the light of torches, and someone else was with me." Takaya paused here, and the waves of pain coming off him nearly broke Naoe's composure. "Bigger than me, with shorter hair. He had a wide face, and he would have looked like a thug except for his eyes. They were always looking far away, like they saw something I couldn't."

It was a weak description, but Naoe knew immediately who it was. Four hundred years of devotion to Kagetora had made old loyalties irrelevant, but that didn't mean he could recall them, him, without feeling a faint sting.

"That was Kagekatsu-dono. Your adoptive brother."

"But...he was my friend." Just when Naoe thought the boy might accept an arm around him, Takaya abruptly stood and walked a few steps away. "I remember! We used to talk all night about fighting side by side, protecting Echigo together, bringing peace to the whole country like Father - "

Takaya's fists clenched. His head bowed to stare at the carpet. Naoe wondered if this sad, godlike soul would ever stop breaking his heart. He had asked himself this question many times over four hundred years.

"It was my fault," Naoe blurted out. "I served Kagekatsu, I urged him to fight you whenever his heart made him waver. He was being told by all his advisors that he had to defeat you or the land would be torn apart by civil war." _What are you doing, Naoe?! Risking his hatred for a lord you served only out of duty? Or seeking the punishment you deserve for other crimes?_ "I'm so sorry, Kagetora-sama."

Takaya shook his head, put up his hands for silence, everything but scream that he didn't want to hear any more, but Naoe couldn't stop.

"Lord Kenshin ordered me to stand by Kagekatsu, and I had to obey, though I would've given anything, broken any other oath, to be with you instead. I couldn't leave him, I couldn't end it until one of you either surrendered or..." He choked up and Takaya was looking frightened, but Naoe went on expelling the poison from his soul. "When I learned of your death I raced into battle to find my own, I wandered in torment as an onryou and now I will spend eternity suffering as much as you want me to to pay for what I did. Hate me as you always have, rather than let bitterness taint what you feel for your family. Kagekatsu did love you, and Lord Kenshin - "

"Will you stop talking about Kenshin?!" Takaya shouted.

A vase perched on a nearby ornamental table exploded, shattering in pieces that clattered to the floor. One shard hit Takaya's hand and left a thin, bloody cut. Takaya, who was standing with trembling fists and closed eyes, didn't flinch or seem to notice at all. He didn't stir until Naoe hurried to him and took his arm.

"Don't - !"

"You are hurt, my lord, please allow me to see to it."

With a forlorn, exhausted expression, Takaya let himself be led like a child to the bathroom, and sat on the edge of the bathtub while Naoe carefully cleaned the small wound. He gently dabbed it with sterilized cotton until the bleeding stopped, and then continued to gently hold Takaya's hand, lightly keeping it at rest on his own. Takaya's smaller fingers tightened around it slowly, and looking up Naoe saw that it had likely been done unconsciously, as Takaya was looking distantly at the floor. Naoe wasn't sure what he'd rather believe - that Kagetora was letting slip a feeling of warmth toward him, or that Takaya was reaching out to him in spite of Kagetora's hatred.

"Are you all right?"

"Did you hover over Kagetora like this?" the boy murmured.

_You _are _Kagetora._ "As much as he would let me," Naoe admitted.

"I'm not made of glass, Naoe." It was strange, like Kagetora was speaking as both his past and current selves, in a cool commanding voice (so unintentionally seductive) and one that was similar but filled with feeling.

"I know."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, I will take care of it. I apologize if I upset you, Takaya-san."

Reminded of Naoe's outburst, Takaya withdrew his hand. At least he didn't yank it back. Tension had always filled the space between Kagetora and his retainer, but Naoe didn't want that with Takaya. Spilling his guts was risky, he had just seen proof of that, but maybe his revelations would prompt the boy to make some of his own.

"When I was young in this body, learning again how to properly use my powers, I caused a lot of damage to my family's temple. And unlike you, I at least had all my memories."

A moment of uncertain eye contact, only a moment, but enough to encourage Naoe. "I thought I would never see you again. I thought you were gone forever, and I..."

He choked up here, stopping short of the pain that delving into his memories of Minako would cause. Takaya seized his hand and he allowed it, unwilling to pull away even when Takaya pushed up his sleeve and traced the scars on his wrist.

"So you wanted to die?" The boy's voice was tinged with righteous anger. "You're still such a samurai that failing at something has to be paid for with death? What, didn't you have the right tools for seppuku?"

"Takaya-san..." _This is not Kagetora's jealous possession of his guard dog...what is it?_ "I had lost you. I felt I couldn't face - "

"Kenshin?" Takaya dropped his hand and stalked out of sight.

_Living without you._ Putting that aside for now, concentrating on the tension the boy put into such a familiar name, Naoe followed him back to the sitting room. Takaya was standing near the couch, staring down at it in silence, as though waiting for him.

"Takaya-san, did you remember something about Lord Kenshin that upset you?"

"No." His eyes were locked on the discarded book; Naoe followed their gaze.

"Was it something you read?"

Abruptly, his movements less graceful than usual, Takaya snatched up the book. He harshly flipped through the pages till he reached close to the center, thrust it at Naoe and moved a little distance to turn around. Naoe scanned the lines of text, feeling certain he'd know the cause of Takaya's anxiety when he saw it, and he did. Almost halfway down the left-hand page was a paragraph discussing the historical assumption - shared by many reputable scholars - that Kenshin had been homosexual. True, from what Naoe recalled; Kenshin had been very discreet, but he'd been known to have lovers, none of them female. Some well-known names were listed, those believed to have been involved with the lord in that way. Naoe Kanetsugu, the spirited young man not known well to Naoe Nobutsuna but related to him by marriage. Kagekatsu, Kenshin's elder adopted heir, his nephew by blood in a time and place that didn't condemn such a thing. And of course, Naoe was unsurprised to see, Kagetora, born Hojo Ujihide but adopted by Kenshin and by all accounts loved dearly by him.

"Takaya-san." Naoe looked up and saw that the boy was silently trembling, fists clenched and for once not because he wanted to fight, more like he was struggling to keep a grip on something. "Takaya-san?"

_Is this what's wrong?_

"Takaya-san, please talk to me. Let me help."

"It's not true, right?" The words came up too fast to have been entirely willing. "Right, Naoe?"

The most honest answer would have been that Naoe couldn't know for sure, but he thought he had read Kenshin's feelings toward Kagetora correctly, and of course Kagetora taking part in such a thing with a lord he revered was unthinkable. There was also Takaya's desperate voice, the plea in his eyes. Naoe couldn't not comfort him.

"Of course it's not true. I believe Kanetsugu was involved intimately with Lord Kenshin, but certainly not you," Naoe said reassuringly. "I never saw anything between the two of you that intimated more than a familial relationship."

As he spoke, Takaya turned to face away from him and nodded slowly. Naoe couldn't see his expression, but picked up on the way the boy's shoulders untensed, and the relieved exhalation of breath. Naoe's feet were moving him before he realized he was doing it. He reached for Takaya, arms stretching out in desire to hold him but falling before contact could be made. He had so many memories of trying to touch Kagetora to ease his distress, and being refused.

"Takaya-san, is that what has been upsetting you? It's...it's all right. Do not let the mistake of a few historians pollute your feelings for Lord Kenshin. I know you don't remember much, but I promise you, his love for you was that of a proud father. It still is."

The words came out just as Naoe had planned - minimal desperation, maximum kind authority. He knew Kagetora had always been too complex to be completely reassured by anyone's certainty but his own, but Takaya, his gentler self, should have been disarmed by this. Embarrassed, maybe, and choosing to hide it behind indifference or aggression, but he should have continued to relax. He shouldn't be shrinking into himself where he stood, struck by some other pain the moment one hurt had been healed. Takaya should never look so vulnerable and sad, like a precious flower wilting. Like Kagetora had occasionally been, and hated Naoe for seeing him like that, but there was no genuine hatred to be sensed from Takaya. Only loneliness, and more than that, a knowing that not only was he apart from other people, but that he always would be.

The boy looked so small and cold that even the fire of anger would be better. Naoe realized, as he closed the space between them and wrapped his arms around Takaya, that the progress he thought they had made these past months was the real mirage. Kagetora - who had been damaged somehow before the first time Naoe ever got lost in his eyes - had a will stronger than any other soul he'd ever known. In the end Kagetora would overwhelm Takaya, and Naoe would return to his rightful place in the lord's universe, the poison-green star of loathing and bitterness and every bad feeling that had ever existed between them.

**To be continued.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you all for the encouraging reviews! Here is the next part, I hope you enjoy._

_Wpoe asked if I would explain who are the good guys and who are the bad guys. Not easy for such a complex story, and especially not for someone who still pleads newb-ness to it, but I'll try: _

_For purposes of the story and the anime:_

_The Uesugi - good. (Kagetora, Naoe, Chiaki, Haruie, Irobe)_

_The Oda - very bad. (Nobunaga, Mori Ranmaru)_

_The Takeda - bad but more of a nuisance right now than a major threat. (Shingen, Kousaka)_

_The Hojo - bad and complicated. (Ujiyasu, Ujimasa, Ujiteru, helped by Kotarou the autistic ninja)_

_The Date - good. I think. At least not bad. (Masamune, Kojirou, Kojyurou, I don't think I spelled that right)_

_Don't own, no infringement intended, just trying to spread the MoB love in a shameless attempt to get official translation and PLEASE GOD MORE ANIME. By the way, there will be references to things that happen in the novels in this story, but if they're really important to understanding the fic, I'll explain them. Otherwise, just consider them background noises...or, if you're masochistic enough, I can direct you to what translations are available so far._

_Now let's switch to Takaya's point of view for a bit, and continue..._

**PENDULUM  
**_Chapter 2 - Ad Infinitum_

The relief that Naoe's answer gave Takaya was short-lived. No sooner than his breathing had begun to calm and slow than the man was coming closer. Takaya could always sense when someone was behind him and he hated the feeling of it; he had always preferred to sit in the back of classrooms for this reason as much as for his slacker attitude toward school.

_It's just Naoe_, he told himself angrily, but it wasn't getting through. This aggravating, irrational fear was as bad as the unexplored, embarrassing part of him that constantly wanted Naoe close. It was a game of tug-of-war and he was pulling and being pulled from both ends, mentally edging closer to the monk and at the same time leaping away. _Fuck, I'm such a girl. No wonder Naoe treats me like one._

Warm arms embraced him from behind, gently holding Takaya's back to a broad chest. Game over, the rope snapped near one end and the players have fallen down. The not-real game set off a not-real alarm in Takaya's head, warning bells that weren't there and had no sound, merely symbolized the rush of vague panic that shot through him. The voice, too, must be imaginary, the faint one that sounded like his own and whispered "Not safe, get away". It was nothing, he'd heard this strange conscience a few times before, the part of him that didn't like to be touched, especially not from behind.

"Takaya-san?" Worry. Naoe must have felt him shaking. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Takaya couldn't think what else to say. He wasn't sure he could add 'Now get the hell off me', either as an order or a joke. Politeness had never been one of Takaya's virtues, but he...welll...he liked Naoe, even aside from the stupid-girl part of him that hated when Naoe was away. And then there was the odd way he often caught the guy looking at him, as though Naoe was both expecting and dreading him to do something.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize your distress sooner, Takaya-san. I wish I could have addressed it more promptly."

_Man, I wish he'd quit this whole master-servant thing._ When Naoe treated him formally like this, it felt to Takaya like they were playing a game only Naoe knew the rules of. _Is this normal retainer behavior, anyway? Hugging?_

It felt good, though, if he ignored the ominous, dark place the voice came out of. It was how good it felt that made Takaya begin to shift, the warmth that couldn't compete against embarrassment and the ego of a seventeen-year-old boy. Naoe let go of him slowly, his reluctance palpable, and stepped back so Takaya could turn. The dark place didn't fade away, it never did completely around Naoe, but at least it shut up.

"I'm relieved that you have recovered fond memories of Lord Kenshin, Takaya-san."

"You talk like you expect me to hate the guy or something." Hate Kenshin? It struck Takaya as something he could never do, no matter what. That unnerved him a little, as though he'd fallen into a trap Kagetora had set.

"No, my lord...it's just that Lord Kenshin was the one who charged you to first perform kanshou and lead the Uesugi underworld army. It would not be unreasonable to resent a man who put such a burden on your shoulders."

"Why did he choose me?"

The vulnerability of the question and how small Takaya looked banished the rise of bitterness that Naoe himself felt toward his old lord. "He never told me why. But I think it was because he had such faith in your strength and your heart."

"Why you?"

"My lord?" _He asked that before._

"Why did Kenshin choose you to work with me? I mean, you were my enemy, right? You served Kagekatsu."

_To punish me. To reward me. To apologize for setting me against you in the war. Because he trusted me. Because he wanted to trust me and never did. I don't know. Men can't understand the gods, and Kenshin was half one, even while he lived._

What Naoe said, though, somewhat lamely, was "He never told me that either."

"You didn't ask?" Takaya laughed a little. "Why you were being assigned to guard someone you hated?"

"Kagetora-sama, I _never_ hated you."

_Shit, why does he have to look so sad?_ "It would be okay if you had," Takaya said casually, shrugging it off in a clumsy effort to comfort. "It's in the past."

"I could never hate you." The same conviction, the same quiet intensity. It was ironic that Naoe, who had rightfully died centuries ago, seemed more alive than anyone he had ever known.

"I'm...not mad at you about back then. I mean, I don't remember much, so..." Naoe was smiling at him again, which made the boy relax a bit. "Anyway, it all seems so petty now. All that fighting for honor and power."

"Perhaps _that_ is why Lord Kenshin chose you. Because he knew you have no ambition to rule and so would not use your powers for personal gain."

Takaya scowled, reminded of the day's earlier encounter. "Next time I see that Kousaka guy I'm gonna beat his face in, so don't try to stop me."

"Is that an order from Kagetora?"

"I don't know. The whole thing's so damn confusing." Takaya plopped unelegantly back onto the couch. He repressed a smile when Naoe came closer, and a frown when the man sat on the couch's far end, instead of directly beside him. "It's not for you?"

"Why would it be? I remember all four hundred years of our history together. You are beside me as you always have been. All that's changed is - "

"Me," Takaya said glumly.

"Not really. Actually..." Naoe smiled with some feeling Takaya couldn't identify, except that it looked sad. "...without your memories, you are more like you were when we first met."

"Is that good?" _Is that what you want me to be? Just tell me._

"I'm enjoying it."

Naoe smiled again, and Takaya realized that Naoe had not called him anything within the last few minutes, not 'Takaya' and not 'Kagetora' either. It was a strange relief, as though both names represented a wall between them. The teenager wondered briefly if he should ask Naoe to continue this practice. _Nah, probably doesn't realize he's doing it. If I bring it up he'll just jump back into the 'Kagetora-sama' thing._

"So, I liked you when we first met? We got along okay?"

"I don't know what your impression of me was, Takaya-san," Naoe said with a slightly tenser voice, and Takaya mentally cursed at himself. "We knew each other only formally...it was a different time."

"I guess that explains the way you act. So, it was some sort of formal introduction, with a lot of bowing and bullshit?"

Naoe couldn't help but smile; how this new Kagetora would have scandalized the old. "Something like that," he answered vaguely.

"So...why did my death bother you so much? You said...Naoe?"

The man had turned away, looking straight ahead to the wall with his arms tense on his lap. Naoe's eyes, the strange dark violet that Takaya snuck shy peeks at, were alive with some subtle internal movement, like something in them was overflowing or blooming.

"Naoe? If there's something you don't wanna talk about, just tell me. But if I did something wrong I - "

"You have done nothing, Kagetora-sama." Spoken gently, but the switch of names didn't evade Takaya's attention. If _Takaya_ brought out this care and indulgence, then _Kagetora_ made Naoe walk on eggshells. "I am sometimes distracted by memories, that's all. As I told you, it was my urging that hardened Kagekatsu's heart against you. I was one of the fools who feared you might betray us because you came to us as an outsider."

"But didn't I? Didn't I call the Hojo for help, or something? The book said - "

"Kagekatsu's faction began it, my lord. It must have been painful for you, to be looked on with suspicion so soon after the blow of Kenshin's death." _You secluded yourself more than ever before, I had to mourn so far away from you, and for what? All this hurt, for what?_ "You must have felt betrayed."

"Naoe, I forgive you, you know that, right?"

_"You alone I will never forgive..."_

Naoe shut his eyes. "Perhaps you should not be so hasty, until you remember."

"Didn't Kagetora forgive you? After four hundred years?"

"There are things Kagetora will never absolve me of."

"What did you do?"

A much more recent memory assaulted Naoe's senses. Learning that Kokuryou, who had been tutoring Takaya in his absence, was injured, and his wife dead. Naoe had rushed at dangerous speeds to the hospital, checked perfunctorily on the old monk, thinking only of Kagetora, how he must be blaming and loathing himself for this. Narita-kun worriedly guarding an isolated door, polite Yuzuru who willingly told him what had happened, and how Kagetora was dealing with it.

_"He shut himself in this room and says he won't come out until he recovers his memory and gets back all his power. He said he's going to use meditation, but I'm still - Naoe-san? Naoe-san?"_

He nearly broke the door down, stumbled in over the tatami floor, ungraceful and animal before the vision of Takaya seated in the center, beautiful and pained, unseeing expression. An angel tormented by everything earthly and awful, fighting against his older and stubborn self. He was shaking, eyebrows furrowed, struggling it seemed in vain, but Kagetora didn't accept defeat even from himself. Before there was time to consider or judge, Naoe was flying at him, leaving behind the alarm of the kind boy and the nurse who'd joined him.

_"Kagetora-sama! No!"_ It was risky and foolish to shout that name, more so to choose the part of this creature who was least likely to listen to him. But Takaya was a recent gift, it was Kagetora who carried Naoe's guilt and only Kagetora who could ease it. Naoe shook the boy, more harshly than he ever would have knowingly. _"Kagetora-sama, please stop this, please! Kagetora-sama!"_

Takaya's head first lolled back, then lifted heavily. He came to life in Naoe's hands from dead weight; that, and the way his eyes fluttered open with such difficulty told Naoe that he had been very deeply under. He braced himself for the old predator glare, for a just and deserved hatred, but the tiger was still sleeping. The gold that struggled to focus on him was confused and pained, but only sixteen years old.

_"Naoe? Naoe, I couldn't get past it! I know where the memories are but a wall blocked me from it, and it became a door when I got close enough but he wouldn't let me near it! No matter what I said, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't open it!"_

Takaya was gripping his suit jacket; Naoe tried to cover the accusing hold with an embrace. He wanted to say that everything was all right, that he'd make sure it always would be, but Takaya wouldn't stop looking at him, wounding him with that pleading gaze. And Naoe couldn't turn away, not after he'd hurt him so much, loved him so long.

_"What did you do to Kagetora?"_

"Naoe?"

The voice from the present was faint, overpowered by the past. Naoe was back in that empty room, kneeling on the soft mats, holding Kagetora more closely than he'd ever been permitted to. Two arms weren't enough to enclose him the way Naoe wanted to, to hide and protect him, but they hugged the boy to his chest and surrounded him with warmth and desperately pet his hair, trying to make the head rest on his shoulder. Miraculously, more than Naoe deserved, Takaya let their bodies rest together like this, but he kept his head up, mouth unmuffled by expensive suit fabric and free to whisper something that would have shattered even a whole and innocent heart.

"Naoe?"

_"Naoe, what did you do to me?"_

"Naoe?"

It was scaring Takaya to see Naoe covering his eyes like that, such a sad, weary, adult gesture. Even scarier was Naoe not answering him. Always, no matter how haunted the elder had looked, once prompted by Takaya he would smile and shake it off. "I'm sorry," Naoe finally whispered, but not with a dismissive laugh, and his eyes remained hidden. "I'm so sorry."

"But...you don't want me to know for what?" Takaya tried to piece together the little he knew of Naoe and the less he knew of Kagetora into some kind of coherent answer, and succeeded only in uncovering a nameless sadness that felt much older than himself. "Whatever you did, it's over. Can't be all that important if I forgot it, right?"

Naoe was looking at him now, and on the surface, his expression was pensive and gentle and torn, the things he always was. Beneath this was weariness and suspicion, love and want, guilt and even a little pity. This Kagetora had no idea of how he'd been wronged, how justified he was to despise and mistrust. Takaya was a faerie tale tower imprisoning him, where he slept and dreamed of a naive self that had to pain him to witness. More than a kiss had exiled Kagetora to this enchanted sleep. What kind of hurt would it require to wake him, and how could it be prevented?

Takaya made a surprised noise as he was hugged. It hadn't been done fast enough to really frighten him; it was the tightness of this hold, the memory it brought up of Naoe's behavior at the hospital that he had never explained. Naoe held him like he feared Takaya would pull away, and not just because he was a not-very-tactile teenaged boy. _Why? What the hell does he feel so awful about?_

"Naoe, I do trust you," the boy heard himself try. "I really do."

_"You alone I will never forgive for all eternity."_

_mobmobmob_

"I have to tell him. I can't do this."

"What? Slow down." Haruie's voice always went higher when she was worried; Naoe could hear it through the crackle her cell phone made. "Are you still in Uozu? What happened?"

"Yes. Nothing yet. Kousaka showed up to give warnings, provoked Kagetora into nearly attacking him, so I put off our visit to the castle. We stayed here at the hotel and talked." Naoe's hand felt sweaty on the receiver; in the dark of the room he imagined the wetness was blood. "He joked with me, laughed even. Gods, I think he was trying to cheer me up."

"I guess I can see why that would freak you out. Where is he?"

"Asleep. I think he's doing that for me too, to give me space. I think he actually likes having me close by."

"He does. You make him feel safe."

"That's why I have to tell him!" Naoe kept his yell in a whisper, though he was in his own bedroom, alone. "It's a lie, I'm lying to him, letting him think I'm safe!"

"You are. He trusts you."

"He doesn't remember Minako."

"_I_ do, and I trust you."

"May I ask _why_?"

"Because you hate yourself for that," she said simply. "You won't do it again. And there's no one in her place now."

"It wasn't her I wanted. It was him. I..." Naoe had to clutch the phone tight to keep his grip on it. He had never spoken about the Minako incident in any kind of detail. "I told her why, she knew, and she forgave me. He hasn't, he keeps trying, but he can't absolve a sin he can't remember. I pretended she was him, Haruie, but I was brutal to her, because she _wasn't_."

"Naoe."

"He has no idea what's wrong, and yet he keeps trying to make it right. I can't bear the trust in his eyes, knowing he'll hate me again as soon as he remembers."

"So you want to tell him?" Haruie sounded confused, but Naoe wondered if she really was or if she was using a technique she picked up in psychology class. "To make that happen sooner? Why not enjoy what you have now and in the meantime hope that Kagetora, when he remembers, really will forgive you?"

"Because he won't. And because I loathe myself even more when he's not here to do it for me."

Haruie sighed. "What about couples' counseling? It's in vogue."

Just the sort of half-serious, impossible thing she always suggested. "Right. I should drag a minor unrelated to me to the office of a complete stranger and confess my sins while Kagetora-sama sits there and denies knowing me at all, which he _would_ do."

"Why not? You might feel better."

"I would prefer not to be arrested for corrupting a minor or some such nonsense."

"Hmm," Haruie mused, not without a certain mischief, "just like Socrates."

"Socrates was at least permitted to die."

"Oh, Naoe."

Damn, he hadn't meant to sadden her. Haruie had suffered from their drama and idiocy enough already. "I'm sorry. I should not be laying this on you."

"I always want you to confide in me. I just wish I could do more."

"You are invaluable to us both," Naoe said gently. "And Kagetora-sama trusts you as much as I do. When he returns to himself and pushes me away, you can serve as the link between us again, if you're willing. You can protect him whenever he won't allow me to."

"Of course I will."

"You are a source of tremendous comfort and support for him, you always have been. More than he has ever let on, I suspect."

Haruie laughed, a bubbly and unmanly sound. Whatever maleness was left in her spirit only came out when she drank. "I know, I know my place in this craziness, Naoe. You and Kagetora are the crazy stars and I'm the sturdy, crazy stage, or maybe a crazy basement underneath it."

"And Nagahide?"

"He's the sane one. Sane enough to try not to care about us, at least, although he fails miserably at it." She laughed again. "He would have been happier with a smaller part."

_Wouldn't we all._ "Thank you for listening, Haruie."

"What are you going to do?" She heard nothing but his slow, sad breathing. After a few moments she took pity, whispered "Good luck" and hung up.

_mobmobmob_

The following day passed in tension. Maybe in an effort to shorten it, both possessors rose late in the morning, and though they spoke to each other in their normal way, the change in the air was unmistakable. Naoe responded to each of Takaya's questioning or worried glances with a reassuring smile, but it didn't seem to ease the boy's concern much, if at all.

After breakfast, Naoe suggested that they enjoy the area's sights, since they were free until dark. Takaya agreed without enthusiasm and followed the elder to the car, into souvenir shops, through well-tended parks, not paying any genuine attention to anything but the man at his side. Naoe tried to distract him with talk of anything but themselves, and with eager offers to buy him everything they saw, all of which were politely declined.

_This isn't a school trip, Naoe. And you can't go all weird and glomp me like you did last night and then act like everything's fine._

"It must be weird for you."

"What's that, Takaya-san?"

"You remember hundreds of years ago. Everything must look really different."

"Oh. Yes," Naoe said with a soft, distracted chuckle. "Back then, few or none of us could imagine the machines and structures of today. Nobunaga was quite obsessed with the advance of technology from other lands, but not even he, I imagine..."

"Maybe he'll get distracted by video games or something, and give up the whole conquer-Japan thing."

Naoe laughed, not used to Kagetora so readily making jokes. "Or aerospace technology. Nobunaga in space."

"Or anime. Nobunaga the otaku, conquering conventions."

They snickered at this together as they walked the inhabited streets, relieved by the release of tension it provided, appreciating one another with powerful warmth in this moment. Takaya felt lighter to see the shadow leave Naoe's face, though he knew it probably wouldn't be gone for long.

"The people were different too, right?"

"No, actually. I am sometimes struck by how much the same people remain."

"Doesn't seem very similar in historical dramas."

"Styles of dress change, of course," Naoe said with a smile. "But human motivations, hopes, failings, feelings...they don't change. We always long for more than we have. We always hurt each other."

Takaya looked at the ground pensively. They halted a few steps later in front of a stand offering glass prisms for sale in various shapes and sizes, admiring - as many people were - the mass of tiny rainbows they made under the afternoon sun. The middle-aged man hawking them seemed momentarily caught up in the beauty of his own wares, and paused his practiced sales speech to enjoy the sight with everyone else. As yet unaware of the slowly gathering crowd, Takaya stared in wonder at the shifting arcs of red, green, blue, yellow, purple, and the orange that made him think of Naoe's blaze, the light that swirled around him when they performed exorcisms.

He spoke suddenly, with a hardness that startled the monk. "They're mirages. The colors aren't really there. Just a trick."

"Takaya-san?"

"Like us. You pretend to be a monk, I pretend to be a high school student. We fool everyone. We lie."

Naoe looked at him lovingly, but Takaya's eyes were locked on the prisms. "We act according to our nature. We do this for our mission. And if we didn't survive, the warlords would destroy this country in a fight for domination. And after Japan, the world."

The dark amber of the boy's eyes caught the reflected light and glowed golden. As Naoe marvelled at them, at how they had not changed in four hundred years, Takaya continued to stare. He wanted to turn to Naoe's comforting presence, but he felt glued in place. Naoe's voice was becoming muffled and everything was going faintly dim. A wave of something was rising up inside him, about to sweep him over.

"Your existence is essential, Kagetora-sama, for me, for everyone. It is...it is all right for you to be alive."

_He was somewhere else, someone else, but himself. Another sunny day, the smell and rustle of flowers and trees all around, and he was small, chasing something. The bright colors that the prisms made came together and formed a butterfly, flitting on the breeze just out of reach of his little fingers._

_A hand blocked the sun, caged the butterfly and slowly descended to offer it to him. The hand was like his, the face too, but the fingers most of all. Time shifted, he was taller, it was early morning as he limped into the garden, and he wanted to die._

"Takaya-san!"

Naoe was growing alarmed, speaking sharply to the boy out of fear. A tall, burly man behind Takaya noticed what was going on and gently clasped his hands on the boy's shoulders.

"You okay, kid?"

It all happened faster than Naoe could act to prevent it, but he had no way of knowing how much Kagetora might react to anything, he never had. As a rule, Kagetora's behavior was subdued, except in battle. There was no fight here and no enemy that Naoe could see, but of course a man's personal demons have no visible shape, often not even to himself.

"Get the fuck off me!" Takaya snapped, but his eyes showed the terror his voice wouldn't. "Don't fucking touch me!"

The stranger jumped back before Takaya could push him, wide-eyed and apologetic. A rare, welcome exception, when most men either reacted to Kagetora with lust or violence.

"Sorry, kid. Calm down, I was just - "

Takaya was growling, and Kagetora's tiger-stare was both hypnotizing and scaring the man. And naturally, the crowd around them was murmuring. Naoe, relying once again on his charm and his retainer-instincts, grabbed Takaya's arm and maneuvered them away, flashing a smile and calling out apologies. Takaya fought the gentle grip but without enthusiasm, and didn't jerk out of it until they had reached a less crowded street and an isolated spot.

"Takaya-san, what happened?"

"...sorry about..." he muttered, not sounding sorry at all.

"It's all right. What was it? A...memory?"

_Try not to sound too thrilled, Naoe._ "I don't know. I was a kid, in a garden, chasing a butterfly. Nothing important."

"You were very upset." Naoe didn't mention 'afraid', but it was obvious he'd seen that too.

"That guy startled me, that's all." The boy scowled and clenched his fists. "Asshole."

"He meant well."

"I know, I just...fuck," Takaya swore, aiming a kick at the sidewalk and scattering a few pebbles. "I just fuckin' hate it when people are behind me, it drives me crazy."

"I know. You've always disliked that." Takaya glanced at him; Naoe wasn't sure if he'd ask, but answered anyway. "I don't know why. I don't know if _you_ ever knew why. We all have our quirks."

"What about you?"

"I don't know. I lack the proper perspective to judge, perhaps." Naoe smiled thinly. "When you remember, you can tell me all that is unpleasant about myself."

There was a faint sting in those words, which Naoe only caught and kicked himself for when Takaya winced.

"Naoe..."

"We've been out in the sun, no doubt that added to your distraction. There's a stand just there, I'll purchase cold drinks and we'll take a rest."

Takaya thanked him for the soda and took a long swallow of it, mainly to placate Naoe. The elder led the way to a shaded bench and Takaya dutifully sat, though he felt too jumpy to relax. Rather than look at Naoe, he let his eyes wander, and they continually drifted back to a distant patch of woods, where he thought he could see a hint of stone through and above the trees.

"You keep looking that way."

"I do?" _He notices more about me than I do._ "Is that significant?"

"Uozu Castle is just beyond those woods. That is our destination for tonight," Naoe said. "Does it sound familiar?"

"I probably read something about it, but no. Guess I forgot. Wait, I thought you wanted me to meet someone."

"Indeed."

"So...there are people lurking around an old ruin like that?"

"I never said they were living people, Kagetora-sama."

"Let me guess, we have zombies on our side too." Takaya smirked. "My life's turned into a bizarre dream. I keep thinking I'm gonna wake up."

Naoe's kind smile faltered at that, and neither of them spoke again for a long time.

_mobmobmob_

It wasn't yet very late, but there were few cars on the road, even in this tourist season. As Naoe drove, as he parked the car, as he led the way back to their hotel suite, he kept replaying over and over the meeting that had become a ritual each time Kagetora took a new body. Naoe had never before this life needed to explain who the thirteen Uesugi generals were, and the tragedy of their mass suicide which just a little more time could have prevented. He hadn't been sure how Takaya would behave, if he would become overwhelmed, or sullen to hide his fear.

The honorable dead had shown no surprise at Kagetora's youth (he had met them young before), or his need to be told who they were, or the strength that hardened his eyes when he stepped forward and swore to never abandon them. The same words he used every time, the same confidence mingled with childish stubbornness. It was Kagetora, true, but it was also Takaya accepting his duty, even if only for now, and Naoe could not recall ever having been more proud of him. He wanted to say this to the boy, but Takaya had become distant and absorbed in his secret thoughts. His silence was resolute, and Naoe let him have it.

So it startled the elder when they entered the shared main room and Takaya abruptly said "I don't get Kenshin at all."

"Takaya-san?"

"He wants us to exorcise the spirits of the Sengoku because their presence among the living is dangerous and unnatural, right?"

"Yes," Naoe said, guessing this was a trap of sorts but willing to fall into it.

"But _he's_ the one making spirits remain in this world! If other possessors are breaking the laws of nature, that means we are too."

"This is a confused, inconstant, contradictory world, Kagetora-sama," Naoe said softly, busying himself pouring them some water. "It always has been."

"That's not an answer," Takaya scoffed. "You're satisfied with that?"

"I am satisfied with _this_. This existence. I think I told you that I originally died with so many regrets that I became an onryou, spectrally wandering the shadows of this country, taking my grief out on the living. If Lord Kenshin hadn't summoned me, I might still be lost in that darkness. And..."

"And?"

Naoe smiled at the window he was facing, so the boy could see its reflection. "If I didn't perform kanshou, I never would have gotten the opportunity to begin to understand you. I would have ended my life as your enemy four hundred years ago. I am grateful to Lord Kenshin for choosing me as your guardian, and letting me be by your side."

Takaya shifted in his seat and looked away, feeling awkward. "Whenever I talk to you, you throw me off."

"How so?"

_Well, for one thing, you say stuff that I think you're only supposed to use on women._ "You say we were enemies, but you never hated me. You served Kagekatsu, but you said that after my death, you wanted to die too. You say you hardly knew Kagetora back then, but you willingly stayed by him for four hundred years even though he was a jerk to you."

"What? Who told you - "

"Before we left Matsumoto, Chiaki said I was a lot nicer to you than I used to be and I should keep it up. I'm not nice, so Kagetora must have been a complete - "

"Nagahide is..." Naoe couldn't think of an appropriate word, but his disapproving tone said enough. "Kagetora was burdened by a heavier responsibility than the rest of us, and wounded by the suffering of the war. And I'm sure you had other regrets as well. Even when we first met, before the trouble began, I thought you seemed sad."

"When I look at you, I feel this...coldness and anger and..." _Contempt betrayal how dare you, you alone I will never..._ "It's old and it's not mine. I know Kagetora was unfair to you."

"No more than I was to him."

"You still haven't answered me. Why would you die for someone you barely knew, and then agree to spend eternity with him?"

"Takaya-san." A hint of wariness. "Must everyone who cares for you have a reason for doing so?"

The simple question hit a little deeper than the boy was prepared to admit, so he covered it with brattiness. "Yeah."

"What about Yuzuru-san?"

"He's got an angle. I just haven't figured it out yet."

Naoe laughed quietly, not fooled for a moment. "You have always found it so easy to care for people, yet you remain suspicious of others' love for you."

"Sometimes that's smart."

"And at other times, unnecessary."

"Naoe, answer the question. Why?"

A short silence, a search for a vague enough truth. "Because I wanted to protect you."

"Protect Kagetora, you mean."

"You _are_ Kagetora-sama."

"Yeah," Takaya sighed. "I think I'm starting to realize that."

**To be continued.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay, I'd better put this up, so I have incentive to get going on the next chapter. Hopefully, you're finding it enjoyable/a distraction/not too confusing. Thank you all for the lovely reviews and encouragement, I've really needed them. This is not a fandom I feel I know well enough to write in yet, but Naoe/Takatora are just too awesome to resist._

_Mirage of Blaze belongs to the brilliant and brain-hurting Kuwabara Mizuna. I know nothing but my limited understanding of it. (Note to self: must work on kanji today.)_

_Note: This story is largely anime-verse. It does incorporate some elements of the novels, but not so much that you need to have read them. And while I don't think this can be classified AU, I am changing quite a lot. You're warned!_

_Also, spring is here at last! Happy Ostara to all who know what that word means!_

**PENDULUM  
**_Chapter 3 - No Happy Medium_

_Our first meeting was not the stuff of dramas and destiny._

_ In fact, I hardly realized anything had happened to me, or was going to. I was merely one in a line of less important lords that Kenshin guided you past, so many introductions that I was sure you'd remember none of our names. The rest were staring at you, the way everyone stared, but my mind was on the campaign we'd just finished and the next we were to begin. It wasn't until we had exchanged automatic pleasantries and you were turning away that it occurred to me - numbly and coldly as everything did then - that you were the single most beautiful thing I had ever seen._

_ Between that day and the next time we met, I tried to forget you. The other lords, used to my silences, didn't wonder why I didn't join in their discussions of you, their thinly-disguised want. I remained aloof, going among Kagekatsu's men to avoid yours, not joining in the speculation of why Kenshin had become so fond of you so quickly. Some days I managed not to think of you at all. Then the memory would rise up without warning, prompted by a glimmer of light on water or the colors of sunset on a cherry tree. I never looked at or sought out beautiful things before. You had changed me already, with no effort you had imposed your will on my soul, and there began the anger in me that has persisted ever since._

_ Even if I was capable of such a feeling in that life, I was not in love with you. You were not a living, breathing, flawed thing like me to whom any part of me could reach out. Every step, every breath, every movement of your hands, every brilliant suggestion you offered at strategy meetings was a testament to your perfection and my inadequacy. I became more a miser than ever before, sneaking glimpses of you when I needed to and hoarding them like gold that enriched and poisoned me at the same time. Even when I didn't think of you, I could feel your very existence eating away at me. I did not value my life and sanity until you came along and threatened them both._

_ Had you been someone else, someone beneath me, I could have taken you and hoped that would end this madness. I could have made you into something I could desire without wounding my stubborn pride. I wanted to, I wanted to throw you onto the ground and see if there was something human beneath your exquisite shell, and I wonder now if I refrained because of my devotion to Lord Kenshin, as I thought then. Or if it was the sadness in your strange eyes that kept me back. Or because you frightened me, even then._

_ I died without touching you as I wanted to, and I have lived for four centuries the same way. When Lord Kenshin called upon me and I recovered the self buried by an onryou, I accepted his charge without question or hesitation. I thought I had repressed you deep enough beneath guilt and betrayal and death to void your power over me forever. I thought it was only your physical perfection that had snared me. Then I went to you to swear my allegiance, and I realized nothing had changed. Even with your new body as a cloak, I could see only _you_, your soul blazing brightly, the one lovely thing in an ugly world. Through my growing obsession, my desire tangled with fury, I only wanted to be near you. I lived in the shadow of a light that daily blinded me._

_ The pleasant, distant, sad young man I'd barely known was gone. Over time I felt his loss as though I'd put the sword to your throat myself, which I might as well have done. For years, you showed me no feeling but the duty of a lord to his subordinates, and a growing, slowly growing, trust. If you needed time to believe that I stopped being your enemy, I understand that. As time went on, you began to let your walls slip down every now and then, only to me. When I was harsh with you in response, you shut me out and pressed on with our work. When I tried to touch you, to comfort, save for a few precious occasions, you pushed me away and looked at me to ask how I, a lesser being, could dare to think you would be sullied by me._

_ There was no right thing to do, no forgiveness, no way to heal or open your heart. But most of the time you tolerated me, and occasionally you showed appreciation, even kindness. I learned not to trust these moments of feigned humanity, to believe you only ever drew my chain closer to hit me with it. Yet somehow, I remained mesmerized by your beauty and strength. I loved and love you enough to not only accept the pain but to desire it._

_ I asked for these chains. I wanted to be bound. I would rather suffer than be away from you, than let anyone else be as close to you. For so long, I at least could tell myself that I knew you better than any other, that you showed your weakness only to me, even if you hated me for seeing it. Then she came, a being innocent of our world and its darkness, kind-hearted as I was jealous, gentle as I couldn't be if I was going to keep you strong. I hated her. I hated that you put her safety above your own. I hate what my anger led me to do, and that I wonder at times if you knew beforehand what would happen. If you were punishing me again._

_ Then I lost you. I became Tachibana Yoshiaki. I forced myself to exist without you. The scars on my wrists remain as evidence of how unwilling I was, for a long time. As I grew up, the people around me thought I must have let go of whatever I had grieved for. Only Irobe, at the end of his life previous to the current, saw the truth - that I still hoped I would find you again. I could not exist any other way. I did my work and longed for you every day, and then suddenly, there you were. Unmistakably you, but so different. I wonder if Takaya is what Kagetora would have been if your first life had not caused you so much grief._

_ I love you. I love you more in one day than I could hate you in four hundred years. I love your cold true self and I love the insecure boy your amnesia has placed in my care. I will hold on to you no matter how much you push me away. I will remind you of my sins or you'll remember, and while you hate me, I will love you still. And when you give me those anxious looks, when you wonder who or what is causing me pain, I will try to be only reassuring, to remember that you don't know our terrible truths._

_ You are the one who is hurting me. I would have it no other way._

_mobmobmobmob_

"You realize school starts the day after tomorrow, right? How long do you plan on keeping me hostage in this sight-seeing adventure?"

Takaya's voice was light, a vocal smirk, he was seemingly unaware that Naoe would like to keep him forever, exclusively. The elder gave him a smile that hid the impulse.

"I'll take you back to Matsumoto tomorrow. Until then, I believe our time would be well spent patrolling for signs of trouble."

"You're expecting to find some?" Naoe had mentioned something about this, Takaya remembered, but it had been hours ago, too early to sink in properly.

"The recent activity of the Yami Sengoku has caused disruptions all over. Spirits that were at rest are rising up and becoming a threat. We should always eliminate them as quickly as possible, before they have a chance to grow strong or fall under the control of one of our enemies."

The car windows were half-down, the air rushing in cool for the season, the dying summer. The vacationing crowds had thinned and left the beaches and tourist spots mostly empty, leaving the locals to get back into their usual routine. As he looked out the window and saw the car pass by these people, Takaya wondered what it would be like to be one of them. Strange, now, to think how he had taken normality for granted.

"And if Kousaka's information is correct, as it usually is, we must be wary of Ikkoushuu as well."

"The religious fanatics, right?"

"Yes. They were wiped out by the Oda, and it is their hatred for Nobunaga that led them to become onryou."

"If we're both enemies of Nobunaga, why do they have a problem with us?"

It was a question Kagetora would never need to ask; the innocence of it stung Naoe's soul with warmth. "Whether we have foes in common or not, we - you, especially - remain the greatest threat to all the warlords vying for dominance."

"You're really sure about me being Kagetora?"

"Very sure."

"Great," Takaya said softly to his reflection.

"You will never need to fight alone, Kagetora-sama," Naoe said, trying to look straight ahead at the road. _Though I know you would._ "I will always be at your side."

"Did Kagetora thank you for that?"

"Yes...not often in words, but yes." _You _are_ Kagetora-sama._

Takaya shifted in the comfortable leather seat, dug his fingers into his legs through the jeans, and glanced quickly at him several times. The boy seemed to be working up to looking at him, and Naoe gave him as much attention as he could without crashing the car. He didn't feel the approach of Kagetora's cool contempt, only Takaya's nervousness. It was still strange - Kagetora had been uneasy whenever Naoe had the upper hand or witnessed him in weakness, whereas Takaya seemed content to let Naoe lead. Perhaps he was only nervous because all of this was still new to him, or he was still perceptive enough to sense the chaos in Naoe's heart.

"Thank you, Naoe."

Kagetora's voice, Kagetora's rare kindness, drawn out by Takaya's vulnerability. Naoe's hands gripped the wheel tighter to keep them from shaking. _I want to hold him, I want to touch him, I don't want to scare him or make him remember his hatred._

"Takaya-san - "

Before the voice had a chance to choose between confession and consolation, Takaya suddenly sat straight up and jerked to face the window. They were passing a park, an idyllic late afternoon scene of children playing and parents watching. Nothing could possibly look more innocent and peaceful, but Takaya was Kagetora, and Naoe trusted Kagetora's senses. He stopped the car and watched him with concern, and spoke gently to the boy's agitation.

"What is it?"

"I don't know. It feels like..." Takaya looked back at Naoe over his shoulder. "Like the onryou we exorcised at the castle. Do you feel it?"

He did, now. "One of them may have wandered into this vicinity. But there's more to the energy...more than one."

"More than one of them?"

"No, the other energy is fainter. The warrior onryou must have encountered another. This is dangerous, the second spirit may have been induced to join the first, or merely to cause mischief among the living. Either way..." Naoe turned off the engine. "We must get rid of them both, or the people here will be at risk."

"Will they even show themselves now, with people around?"

"We'll wait for nightfall. It will give us a chance to survey the area."

It was jarring to walk out of a conversation about ghosts and exorcism into a playground full of sun and laughter; easy to forget either of these worlds existed while immersed in the other. There were four or five kids, a girl and the rest boys, dashing energetically from the spiral slide to the sandbox to the jungle gym and back again, enacting a game that seemed to have no fixed rules. The young flock of mothers on the other side of the play area observed the strange man and teenager suspiciously for a few moments, then seemed to be satisfied, returning to their chatter and periodic warnings to their children.

Naoe smiled at the woman who stared at him the longest, and she blushed and quickly pretended to look for something in her purse. Takaya rolled his eyes, plopped onto the middle of a set of three swings and gestured to the one on his right. Naoe needed a few awkward seconds to get comfortable on the unfamiliar seat, then found Takaya smirking at him.

_Mocking. He chose this spot on purpose to make me feel inferior._ Even as he thought it, Naoe knew that was unfair. Even Kagetora had rarely been as cruel as Naoe's paranoia had made him in his mind, and this was Takaya. Takaya didn't remember his reasons for wanting to hurt Naoe, and besides, he was smiling now, secretively but not in an unkind way.

"Been awhile, huh?"

Naoe couldn't help but smile. "I think I was in one of these once, when I was very small."

"Just once?"

"This life is the first I entered as an infant in a long time."

"But just once, in this whole life?"

Takaya sounded amazed, as though he could not conceive of an existence that didn't include at least a few happy years of innocence, in which life and death were unconsidered, abstract things, only words, and all that mattered were days like this one, how many hours of play could be fit into them. Kanshousha didn't have that relief; even as babies, they remembered. Takaya's amnesia was further proof of Kagetora's uniqueness, and where Naoe would usually feel bitter about his own perceived inferiority, he instead felt older, wiser, indulgent. He had loved Kagetora's hidden naiveté, and loved that Takaya couldn't hide it anymore.

"I was not a happy child. Not what anyone would call normal."

"Oh, right. You never forgot all this Yami Sengoku stuff." Takaya looked down at the sand he was dragging his heels through. "Was that when...you know?" he asked, gesturing to his wrists.

"Yes. It began when I was seven. Eventually, my father removed me from school and decided I would begin training to become a monk."

"And that...helped?"

_No._ "So it would seem. Also, I never entirely gave up hope that I might find you again."

"What if you hadn't? What would you have done?" It might have been his imagination, but he thought Takaya sounded slightly sulky.

"Lived as long as I could bear to. Tried to fulfill the mission Lord Kenshin gave us." Naoe smiled, tightly and bitterly, at the sun just beginning to set. "Becoming a monk didn't help. Existence with attachment is suffering. I knew that so well already."

"Naoe," Takaya said quietly, confused but trying to understand. Naoe didn't want to enlighten him and he didn't want pity, he wanted to wound Kagetora for wounding him, push back when pushed, as had always been their way, their war of subtlety. For Takaya's sake, he softened the blow, made his words hurt instead of hurting.

"It was attachment that kept me bound to this life. This attachment I'll never be free of."

_"Yoshiaki, I know you won't tell me what it is you're grieving for enough to want to hurt yourself, and I won't make you. But please, if you can't live for my sake, for your mother's and your brothers', live for the hope that someday you'll find the person you're missing. If your bond is that strong, you'll find them again, but for that chance, you must live."_

"It's such a cruelty, I think, that life doesn't end, just keeps repeating itself. When I was Naoe Nobutsuna, I didn't entirely believe in reincarnation, I didn't want to after seeing so much war and suffering. When you accept that death doesn't end your existence, you lose the comforting thought that death ends all cares. All attachments."

_What attachment?_ Takaya didn't say it, but his confusion was heavy in the air between them. "You're still Naoe, aren't you?"

To his relief, Naoe smiled, albeit strangely. "And you are still you, still with me. I apologize, Takaya-san. I should be watching for the onryou, not rambling thoughts that make little sense even to me."

"It's okay. It's worth it to see you sitting in a swing." The boy smirked. "Would you believe I lied about sensing something here, I just wanted a reason to make you sit there?"

Naoe laughed, feeling forgiven - just for the moment, but he could hardly hope for more than that. "How very juvenile, Takaya-san. Perhaps this setting is making you nostalgic?"

"How can you feel nostalgic if you've never been happy?"

The voice was Takaya's, but so melancholy that it might have been Kagetora's. It was growing slowly darker, the shadows stretching ominously. The mothers were calling their children, gathering them up to go home. Naoe noticed this absently, his attention on Takaya, on not allowing himself to struggle off this wobbly seat and hug and kiss him until they both stopped hurting.

"I mean, my family used to be happy, but I don't know. I always felt like something was..." _Missing._ "...wrong."

"Takaya-san..."

"I feel something like nostalgia, though, when I'm with you guys. And at the castle, when I saw the thirteen generals. Like I was close to remembering, but..."

Naoe broke in quickly, before either of them could dwell on the hospital room, the trance blocked by Kagetora's wall. "They bothered you, didn't they?"

"We should exorcise them and let them go on, all the spirits working for us," Takaya said shortly. "It's unfair. The war they fought is long over...or should be, at least."

_Still feeling others' pain so acutely. Don't you have enough of your own? Haven't you always, more than you would ever confide in me?_

"They were charged to remain in this world, as we were, true. But I believe they do wish to help. Otherwise they could have asked you for release long ago."

"And I could let them go, if they did?"

"Yes. You did so for Haruie, two centuries ago." Naoe nodded at Takaya's surprise. "That was her first life as a female. She fell in love with a young man, and wanted to stay with him. He died shortly thereafter, and ever since, Haruie has not been as carefree as before."

"That's hard to believe," Takaya said with a frown. Ayako seemed plenty carefree to him, too much so at times.

"Even though we are still the same people, it has been four hundred years. Some change is inevitable, for you, for me..."

"What was he like?" Takaya asked quietly.

"Kagetora?"

"No...Naoe. What were you like before I made you this way?"

"Takaya-san...you didn't - "

The street lamps surrounding the playground blinked off in unison, and at the same time the air went so cold that every exhaled breath emerged as a cloud of mist. The light of stars and waxing moon above was just enough for them to be able to see each other as they leaped up, and the broad black figure in the distance. Armed, unafraid, approaching. As onryou did, it had fed on the power of the others it encountered, both strengthened and strengthening by this.

"Takaya-san."

"I'm ready."

A blast of light large enough to target them both burst toward them; Naoe quickly shielded them with a goshinheki barrier while Takaya fired back. The onryou vanished to dodge the blow, but rematerialized closer. It was angry and powerful, engorged by the negative energy it had absorbed in its wanderings, and eager to fight them. It shot another blast that shook the wispy golden threads of the protective shield, almost enough to blow them apart. Naoe reinforced it and gestured for Takaya to get down, but the boy stepped closer and put his hands together. The aura around him blazed like a blue inferno; even in his current state, Kagetora was more powerful than Naoe could ever hope to be.

"BAI!"

The warrior howled in protest but froze. Naoe quickly got to his feet and synchronized his voice with Kagetora's in the chant so familiar to both of them. Bishamonten's presence descended behind them, closer to Kagetora as always, dark and almost frightening even as an ally, even after all these years. The war god's sword materialized in Kagetora's hand, and in moments, it was over.

Naoe tensed, about to run to his lord in case the fight had taken too much out of him; Takaya was still learning, after all, how to control how much power he expended. A mischievous, echoing giggle sounded all around them, halting both possessors as they reacted, Takaya with shock, Naoe with a surge of quiet panic. A child. Nothing else could laugh like that.

The sword had disappeared, Takaya stood like a statue with hands curled around nothing, showing no sign that he was about to take on a new opponent. Naoe quickly sensed where the spirit's energy was strongest and put himself between Takaya and that spot. "It's all right," he whispered, and got no answer.

Wispy threads of matter gathered and clung to the onryou, forming the deceptively short stature of a child, a little boy who had lived ten years at the most. He was a fairly new ghost, judging by his modern clothes, but his energy was similar to the other's. They must have spent enough time together to amplify each other's power and rage, and when the child opened his mouth to scream, he confirmed this.

"You killed my friend!" The voice couldn't be heard by any normal humans, but it was enough to make the Yashashuu wince and the tree branches rattle wildly. "You killed my friend like the bad people killed me!"

Naoe knew from experience that while sad onryou could sometimes be persuaded to pass on, the angry ones could not - feelings of vengeance were too strong an anchor to this world. All that could be done for these creatures was exorcism, forcing them to the place where they could undergo spiritual cleansing and have their earthly attachments wiped away.

_What I would have welcomed when I was an onryou myself, if not for him._ As he shielded them, as he began the chant, Naoe felt Takaya fall to his knees behind him. Kagetora had not reacted this strongly to the exorcism of a child since their first, was this another of his protective walls Takaya had broken down? Naoe resisted the impulse to hold him and focused on the onryou, who for all its strength had little control or knowledge of how to fight.

"Nomaku Samanda Bodanan Baishiramandaya Sowaka..."

"I want my mommy and daddy!" the wispy thing shrieked, uprooting a large chunk of earth and hurling it over their heads. Naoe could hear Takaya's heavy, panicked breathing.

"Then be still and I'll send you to them. Namu Tobatsu Bishamonten, demons be gone! Lend us thy power!"

"NO! WAAAAAAH!" The ghost wept or appeared to, and stamped his little spectral feet. "Don't let him, make him _stop_!"

Takaya let out an anguished moan, one that sounded more like Kagetora. He had lost control, his power was bleeding into the air.

"Choubuku!"

The force of the exorcism pushed the child off the ground, and against the darkening sky he began to fade, first screaming in protest, then whimpering softly. As soon as he was sure the onryou was finished, Naoe whipped around and dropped to a crouch, put his arms around Takaya who was shivering from the warm energy escaping him. Naoe tried to enclose him in a tight hug, thinking he could either stop the rapid loss of strength or at least calm the boy. But Takaya had strength left, enough to shove the surprised monk off of him.

"Don't touch me. Don't. Touch. Me." He was leaning forward, palms braced against the cool grass, staring at the place the onryou had been with wild eyes, as though he were still seeing something there.

"Kagetora-sama..." It was Kagetora, not Takaya. They were the same in every way that mattered, but only Kagetora remembered his first reason for hating Naoe, the one Naoe had thought they resolved. Only Kagetora would know why the sight of a dead child would upset him so much. "Kagetora-sama, I had no part in your son's death, I swear."

"Shut up, shut up..." The voice was furious but pained, groaning as though in agony. The boy's fingers gripped the grass hard enough to tear it, he couldn't move them even when Naoe touched him again.

"Kagetora-sama, please believe me. When you sent your son away to safety, I had no idea, and my men who killed him were acting without my knowledge. Had they come back to me alive, I would have slain them myself for their cruelty! Please - "

"Stop touching me."

"Kagetora-sama - "

"It's an order!" the boy bellowed. The glow of his tiger eyes and the hot energy burning his hands made Naoe edge back. "You - "

"Please calm down, at this rate you'll lose consciousness."

"I will never..." Kagetora's snarling face went cold and serious, a perfect marble mask that defied his growing weakness. "You alone I will never forgive."

"I'm sorry," Naoe whispered. "For everything."

"...Naoe?" Confusion and vulnerability, the signs of Takaya that Kagetora had been loathe to show. Kagetora was retreating or being buried beneath amnesia again, and Takaya didn't understand why he was shaking with rage and cold. "Why - "

"Takaya-san..."

The boy slumped down onto the ground and went still. Naoe pulled off his jacket, lifted Takaya up to wrap it around him, and reminded himself that this was nothing that had not happened before, he merely had to keep Kagetora warm and let him rest and he would be fine. Hadn't he once appreciated such times, after all? Only then had he been able to hold him without protest, only then was his control pushed to its absolute limit.

_Takaya-san is different, Takaya-san is innocent of Kagetora's cruelty. He's the same, but so different. I can't fight him the same way. I don't want to fight him. I want this to end, before I lose more of my sanity to this longing. Before I hurt him any more._

He would carry Kagetora to the car and drive back to the hotel, care for him until he woke with what looked like devotion, what was really an obsession that centuries had taught him to cloak and cover. Naoe would do this because he had a duty to Kenshin and to his own selfish heart, but first he allowed himself an indulgence, a minute of clasping Takaya to his chest and pushing his own body heat into the pallid white skin. This time he didn't think of the hospital and attempt at meditation, but an evening thirty years earlier, cradling a cold body before forcing Kagetora into another and proving every moment of his distrust valid.

Four hundred years of memory, each moment one kind of pain or another. Naoe embraced Kagetora with desperation and abandon, as he had once the razor blade his small hand guided to a vein.

**To be continued.**


	4. Chapter 4

_Yes, finally, update. Hopefully you guys will enjoy! Now I'm going back to lay limply somewhere until I feel fully recovered from recent killer-cold and yesterday spent walking walking walking surrounded by people. Hate malls. Hate them._

_Don't own, am not infringing, don't speak enough Japanese to defend myself if I am anyway..._

_Let's start off with a detour into Kagetora's mind. You may now run screaming._

**PENDULUM  
**_Chapter 4 - Asylum_

_I know you're there, Naoe. In four hundred years, I've never seen you sleep. When I rise, you are alert already and anticipating me; when I close my eyes, you are still awake, hovering from a distance or nearby. As you're doing now. Wondering, no doubt, who will be waking up, Takaya or Kagetora._

_You need not worry, for now. Soon I will draw back behind the wall, to the darkness and the black sky made bloody by a red moon. I won't let Takaya know what this means, I won't let him past the wall which he knows is really a door. And I won't allow _you_ to know, Naoe. There are some things that should be kept locked up forever, no matter how much they hurt the heart to hold._

_I'm not like you. I can't carry my pain in plain sight every moment, or walk beside it like a shadow. You know it's there, of course, though you can't know its name or true nature. You saw it in me that day in the garden, didn't you? Your staring was unlike everyone else's. You escaped the spell I seemed to cast on them, only to be snared by my sadness and held by my power. If I lost this this power...if you ever knew how weak I truly am..._

_I will not let you go. I will never forgive you. These are the chains I have bound you with, that you have worn because they are all that links you to me. You call them guilt instead of anger, devotion instead of cowardice, even love instead of obsession with my supposed superior strength. Whatever you name this leash, no matter; I will never loosen it. I will never tell you that you are strong enough to break it on your own, and that the thought of you doing so, of leaving, terrifies me more than the past and the future put together._

_I never claimed to be a kind man. Search your long memory for any such promise, Naoe. You know you won't find it. I don't have the largeness of heart I so admired in Father. I can't forgive you for my death, my son, my refuge that you murdered and wrapped around me like a shield. I can't. But Takaya...perhaps Takaya can, this self of mine who was able to meet you unhaunted by our pasts. I put this reckless, ignorant boy forth as a white flag, Naoe, an offer to end our war at last. If you can meet me halfway. If you can keep from hurting me again._

_We are the same, this boy and I, merely existing in different places; like the head of a swimmer above water while the body floats languidly under the surface. Beneath the absence of memory, memory remains. I remember everything. The red moon bleeding out onto the sand, yes, but also that afternoon in Father's garden, when I was homesick and wary and yet somehow soothed by your presence. We were the only two people in the world for a few moments, and when you froze in the act of reaching out, you wiped away everything I thought I knew about myself. Because, in that hesitant and hopeful moment, I _wanted_ you to touch me._

_I hate you. I more than hate you. Before I could figure out what that 'more' is, the wars of the living divided us. Now the battles of the dead have brought us together, and still, I don't know for sure. I want to understand. I want to end this circle of hurt, and if burying my memories and weakening myself is the only way, I will do it. But I don't know how long I can keep it up. It's your turn now, to continue the cycle or help me break it._

_Naoe. I'm giving you this one chance._

_mobmobmob_

Takaya awoke to near-darkness, and found it a relief. He couldn't remember what he'd been dreaming of, only vague blurs and flashes, but it must have been terrible, if the sob that lurched out of his throat was any indication. The first thing in his line of sight was a familiar black-sleeved arm, its hand clutching the bed linen beside him so tightly it shook...then Naoe was quietly moving. The nearby lamp was switched on, Takaya blinked until the soft golden light didn't hurt, and looked tiredly at Naoe's weary, worried expression.

"Takaya-san?"

"What...happened?"

"You expended too much energy and passed out. It is nearly midnight. You should return to sleep if you can, or can I get you something?"

"Water." By the time Naoe had filled a glass and returned, Takaya had managed to sit up against the headboard. "Thank you," the boy croaked, pausing to drink. "Something happened to me, didn't it?"

"Takaya-san."

"I feel so sad." The half-empty glass trembled; Naoe put it down for him. "I feel so sad and I don't even know why. I think I was dreaming, but it's so..."

Naoe sat motionless, as though the whispering voice were restraining him. Takaya lifted his hands, turned them over and stared down, searching for something in the lines that were thought to show a man's fate.

"Fingers, like mine but small. That made me happy, but I can't remember why, or who..."

"Kagetora had a young son," Naoe said, in a voice that was barely there. "He was said to look much like you."

"Oh...right. He was killed by Kagekatsu's men."

"It was a mistake, a cruel act of overzealous soldiers. Kagekatsu would never have ordered such a thing. Nor would I."

"Shit. The only good thing to come out of that life."

"That's not true. _You_ came out of it."

"Death doesn't end all cares, huh?" It was meant to be casual but came out unsteady. "He died four hundred years ago and I barely remember, but...fuck, how many lifetimes will it take to not feel like it _just_ happened?"

"It will fade again...and return again, but it won't always be so sharp."

"Yeah, it's fading..." Takaya laughed shortly, an hysterical burst. "You all must hate me, for being able to forget."

"Of course we don't."

Naoe handed him a tissue. The wetness gathering like dew on his lashes hadn't become tears yet, but Takaya rubbed his eyes dry, accepting that Naoe seemed to know what he was feeling, often before he did himself. Crumpling the tissue when he finished, the teenager splayed his fingers out over his lap again, flashing on a pair of hands that were a little paler and softer, the fingers a bit longer.

"These aren't my hands."

_You always say that._ Every time Kagetora took on a new adult body, he became depressed for a while, staring at his hands, needing to be coaxed to eat and concentrate on anything but his new and unfamiliar skin. Nagahide had never had much patience with this and would generally either explode or stalk off. Irobe would try, in his distant, paternal way, to ease Kagetora's tension with kindness; Haruie would do the same with bawdy songs and unbelievable stories. No one knew how to help him, so it became a ritual, Kagetora hovering in a kind of near-death at the beginning of each new life. Naoe had learned to merely stay near him and wait for the shock to pass.

"Kagetora-sama."

"Something was bloody."

"Your hands?"

Takaya finally looked up from staring at them, holding four-hundred years of pain in his amber eyes. "No, the sky. The sand."

Naoe wasn't sure what that might signify, but he wanted that haunted sound out of the boy's voice, as he had always hated it in Kagetora's. "Sometimes dreams are just dreams."

"I...I don't remember what I said, but I yelled at you, didn't I?"

"Don't worry about that. It's not important now."

"Why won't you tell me?" The boy's voice was wavering. Each had their own way of keeping or feigning calm - Takaya pretending to be a punk, Kagetora wearing an emotionless mask - and neither had recovered it yet. "I'm hurting you, I keep doing something wrong and I can't change until you tell me what it is."

"I don't want you to change." The half-lie came out strangely, both soothing and snapping. "You don't have to do anything. You _can't_ do anything."

Takaya slumped back at that, sank into the pillow against the headboard. To avoid the hurt expression on his face, Naoe looked at the boy's arms, laying limply beside him with fingers curled stiffly upward. The delicate blue lines of Takaya's veins were clearly visible in the lamplight, a reminder of life's fragility that Naoe didn't need, and from there it was easy to let his eyes wander over all the little skin that was exposed. So smooth, too perfect for a teenager, fair but sun-touched, vital and healthy and _here_, not the same as Kagetora's inhumanly flawless white marble, a cool statue with cold eyes.

Not the same, but Naoe wanted this body as much as he had every other of Kagetora's, even more. Caution and the boy's pain were keeping Naoe's lust dampened just enough, but not for much longer. The creature was unmatchable power and exquisite vulnerability together, it dared Naoe to tame it and would never let him, it boiled his blood and broke his heart. Naoe wanted to take him by force and make him scream; he wanted to cradle and protect him. These opposing impulses had torn at Naoe for centuries; they might never stop, even if he were somehow granted the miracle of what he wanted.

"You think I can't do anything."

Takaya. The sullen one, the child, who resented having been forced into leadership and yet treated as a kid, as he had every right to. Still, his frustration mildly irritated Naoe, increased his own. _What are _you _so tense about? You think your ignorant attempts to pity me mean anything? You don't know true longing, Kagetora-sama. That's a part of me that no self of yours could ever comprehend._

"You're wasting both words and effort." Sharpness, more than he had ever used with Takaya. Kenshin had told him to be hard on Kagetora if that was what it took to keep him alive, and years had taught Naoe it could cut through Kagetora's self-destructive moods like a knife. "You've never tried to understand me, why start now?"

"What did I do to you?"

_"What did you do to Kagetora?"_

"You say you don't hate me, but that's obviously a lie," Takaya said bitterly. "One second you're the nicest guy ever, the next you clam up and refuse to tell me what I've done to piss you off. What am I supposed to do?"

_"Naoe, what did you do to me?"_

"Don't provoke me, Takaya-san. I told you, you don't have to do anything."

"Stop fuckin' lying to me! You want me to do something, I know you do, sometimes you look at me like - "

_Like a bird of prey regards the salmon it's about to pluck from the river. Didn't you tell me that once, in all your haughty innocence, long ago, when you were still pretending you didn't know what I wanted?_

" - you're waiting for me to do it, but how can I if you won't tell me what it is?"

"You are being irresponsible." Naoe crept further onto the bed, climbed onto his knees on top of the mattress, and Takaya drew back, though not in fear. Not yet. "You are heedlessly offering something you know you'll never let me have."

"I don't _know_, because you won't - "

"You do. Somewhere, beneath the amnesia you've used to hide from me, you know." Clutching the bedclothes in fists tight enough to rip them, Naoe drew himself up to his full kneeling height, loomed over the boy who was finally shrinking and intimidated. "You know, because as much as we've both tried to deny it, Takaya-san, you are Kagetora-sama. You can never be anything else. You know I am not your satisfied retainer, or mentor, or substitute father. You _know_."

"Even if Kagetora understands what you mean, I don't," Takaya said coldly. "Why don't you just say it? Obviously you won't be satisfied until you do, so just tell me what I've done to piss you off!"

"_Don't_..." Naoe was warning or begging or both; there was no answer in his wild eyes, or handsome face distorted by pain. He bent closer to Takaya, until their faces were inches apart, and his trembling shook the mattress and both of them. "You don't want honesty from me, Kagetora-sama, you never did. You want me to serve in silence, to need you, worship you, envy you and want you, and all the while to suffer, because devotion without suffering means nothing to you."

"What the hell are you talking - "

"Four hundred years on your leash. It's enough to turn any dog mad."

"Naoe."

He was frightened and no longer bothering to hide it, but it wasn't enough, it was too much, it was too late. Naoe gripped his arms with cool hands, crazed like a man possessed by a feverless delirium, pushed the boy back against the headboard and leaned in, intending to trap the maddening mouth with his own. Takaya had no hope of winning by strength and he knew it; instead he moved to the right and ripped himself out of Naoe's grip, stumbling back in panic until he hit the wall.

Naoe's large form cast an ominous shadow in the dim light, and his arms hung outward from his body as he approached, more like a humanoid beast than a human. The figure spread itself out to surround Takaya, and before the boy could recover enough to fight, his arms were gripped and his gasps were being swallowed by a hot, insistent mouth. Even had he not frozen in terror, Takaya couldn't have turned away; Naoe's face was pressing so hard into his that the back of his head painfully ground against the wall.

A strange peace had swept through Naoe - vindictive, triumphant, unlike meditation or even unrequited love. This was nothing pure, merely a sating of desires that had gnawed at him for four centuries. Kagetora's lips were softer and sweeter than any woman's, and their stillness made them easy to pry open and force his tongue inside to sweep and taste and claim every inch of the warm cavern. Not unexpectedly, Takaya didn't respond, so even though he knew this was far from permission, he allowed himself a minute of selfishly taking, of fucking Takaya's mouth and trying to make the limp tongue rub against his own.

Where was Kagetora's anger? His cold glare, his tiger-eyes that could make an inferior feel like the most worthless thing in existence? Kagetora's behavior toward Naoe and practice of ignoring his feelings had made it clear that he didn't want Naoe touching him. He was buried beneath Takaya, guarding the door and guarding himself, but he was there, he could unleash his powers and rip Naoe or the whole room apart if he chose to. Where was he?

_Not angry enough yet to discipline your depraved servant, my lord?_ It was still Takaya he pressed himself to, fear and inexperienced youth and oddly dormant hormones, and Naoe knew that if he drew back now, he would be faced with a look of betrayal he couldn't yet stomach. So he made his movements more gentle, kissed the boy with tenderness and left off gripping his arms to lightly grasp his chin. Naoe's other hand tiptoed down the heaving chest, from T-shirt to jeans, and settled between Takaya's legs to knead the disappointing softness beneath the denim. The shift came then, subtle - a drop in temperature, a haughtier posture, a fear repressed more skillfully - but there was no doubt, Kagetora had emerged.

Naoe allowed himself to be shoved back without a fight, losing physical contact but remaining near. Flame-colored eyes burned a stare of contempt into him, and strangely, Naoe found himself relieved.

"There you are."

"And you, expressing your supposed _love_ in just the way I expected," Kagetora murmured. Naoe grabbed his arms again, firmly but not painfully, not nearly as tight as Kagetora squeezed his wrists. "Do you think you're the first? The first to hate me because I refused you?"

"I don't hate you," Naoe said, but the growl could not have been laced with more venom.

"What do you call this, then?" Kagetora asked, indicating his body that had been forced into this vulnerable position. "And what you did to her?"

"Shut up!"

"You don't want Takaya to remember. I know."

"You _are_ Takaya-san."

"Yes. And that's why you want to hurt him."

"I _don't_! I..." Naoe let go to gently place his hands on the boy's cheeks, and Kagetora let him. "I love you."

"What you want from me has nothing to do with love. You want to humiliate something more powerful than yourself, force me to prove your own strength." Kagetora leaned forward until his nose touched Naoe's, allowing the surprised man to caress his hair and face but dodging an attempted kiss to whisper in his ear "I will never let you."

Kagetora's eyes fell shut, and he slowly sat back. Naoe held him by the arm and the nape of his neck and eased him back carefully against the wall. His racing mind and wandering eyes had only a second to flicker over Kagetora's parted pink lips and want to taste them again before the tired eyes opened. Dark amber, painfully young, bewildered and terrified. Only a Takaya frightened beyond ego and pride would make such a small-animal noise and scramble toward the corner to get away. Naoe put his hands up in surrender, his anger gone the moment Kagetora retreated, and shuffled a little closer on his knees, humming soothing noises and trying to speak an apology with his loving gaze.

"Takaya-san, I'm so..."

"You..." The boy clearly had no idea what Kagetora had said and heard, but he touched his wet lips, felt the ghost of another mouth on them. "This is what you...all this time?"

He couldn't honestly deny that. "I would never hurt you. I didn't mean to hurt you."

He reached for Takaya, who shrank back and curled against the wall. Naoe couldn't blame the boy - he _had_ hurt him, obviously, and they both knew he would again - but he felt a desperate and terrible sadness to see Kagetora like this. It was worse than his rare moments of rage, worse than his coldness, worse even than the contempt and rejection.

"Why are you so afraid?" Naoe said it quietly, in wonder almost, slowly rising to his feet and dropping back down when he realized his height would further intimidate. "You're Kagetora, why are you afraid of _anything_?"

Takaya was holding his knees to his chest, looking at him with numb, weary, softening horror. But his voice, though wavering, had heat to it, had life and the anger that helped to fuel it. "I don't know you, I can't trust you..."

"You do, and you can. You just don't remember. Takaya-san..." Now would be the time for a responsible retainer to feel crippled by shame, but the sadness was heavier, the love wider. They dwarfed the lesser emotions. "Takaya-san, this...what I have done is not usual with us, I swear to you. I lost control for a few moments and that is inexcusable, but it will not happen again. I humbly apologize."

He bowed long and low, feeling the weight of probing eyes the entire time. Takaya did not speak or move until he looked up again.

"Why?"

"I have no excuse, Kagetora-sama."

"Kagetora," Takaya murmured. "What was he to you?"

"My lord, the one I have vowed to protect - "

"What did you want him to be?"

Naoe let a long, painful silence precede his answer. "I...I am not sure I've ever known for certain."

_He's crazy. They're all crazy and they've dragged me into their insanity. Fuck this shit, fuck this exorcism thing, I should leave now, he lied to me, he just wants..._ Takaya closed his eyes, listening as his own inner voice became Kagetora's. _He just wants what everyone else always did. What does that mean, Kagetora? What did Naoe do to you? What did you do to him to make me so sad I can't even hate him for this?_

"Takaya-san." He didn't open his eyes, but felt Naoe hovering, his presence tainted but somehow still comforting. "I am going to my room now. I will not return to this room until eight a.m., at which time I will drive you back to Matsumoto. I won't touch you again, and when we return...I will try to respect whatever decisions you make. Please rest now. Call me if you require anything."

_He's pretending everything's fine. Am I supposed to do the same, Naoe? Because I can't do anything else, right? I can't fix something you won't let me understand. What drove us to this? What don't you want me to remember?_ From beneath those thoughts, another briefly surfaced, bringing with it a perplexing blend of nausea, curiosity and fear. _Why don't I want you to leave me, even now?_

Naoe had risen and moved to the door almost silently, but even without the faint rustle of his suit, Takaya would have sensed him go, like a passing whirlwind in the leaves. Just as the door shut, the teenager opened his eyes, and saw his own arm stretched out toward the place Naoe had been, fingers straining to touch...what? Why?

_What do you want from me? What do I want from you?_

Takaya pulled himself onto the disarrayed bed and curled into a limp ball, pressing his face into the darkness of a pillow and hoping not to dream of a bloody sky. Behind his dry eyes, the questions continued to pound, a headache that had been building for centuries.

**To be continued.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi, all. Writing has become much harder for me lately, but I finally got this chapter done. I hope it pleases. **

**Kuwabara Mizuna owns the crazy MoB world of gay samurai and their novel-based TMI. I just play in her sandbox. No infringement intended.**

**PENDULUM  
**_Chapter 5 - Credo Quia Absurdum_

_The air was so still indoors, stuffy. Too many men strategizing and poking fun at each other over a long war council meeting, too many egos in one room. Most of them remained in their places when a break was called for, to continue interrupted stories and arguments, or complain about the decisions that had been made. My head was so full of questions about border patrols and troop deployment that I hardly knew where my feet took me. Instinctively I gravitated toward the fresh air of the cool spring day, and took the first exit I found._

_I recognized Lord Kenshin's garden at once, his private place for communing with the gods which only the invited may enter. Had I not sensed a powerful presence and thought it must be the lord himself, I would have left at once. Even then, it seems, every instinct, every path led me to you._

_I knew you the moment you came into sight, though you were seated at the edge of the koi pond facing away from me. It was like a painting, the clear sky reflected by water, the sakura tree overhanging, and you in the center of the scene, the center of the world. I was used to only mercifully brief glimpses of you, in armor coming from or going to training, dressed plainly for war councils. When you turned to face me then, shifting so your fine blue robes brushed the grass and your long hair fell behind your shoulder, I literally couldn't breathe for a few seconds. I had been trying to forget the perfect beauty of your face. I had almost succeeded. In that moment, I knew I'd never want to._

_"Naoe-dono?" Your voice was not afraid, but slightly tense, unmatched to its peaceful surroundings._

_Quickly I bowed low, and forced air into my burning lungs. "Please excuse my rude intrusion, Kagetora-dono. I had thought I would find Lord Kenshin here. I will not disturb you any further."_

_"You are not disturbing me."_

_You said it strangely, as though the realization stunned you. But I was too deliriously happy to care as you gestured to the grass beside you. As I sat, four or five birds flew from the ground in front of your lap up to the tree, and I realized you had been feeding them. Many warriors with the kind of reputation you were gaining would not have let themselves be seen doing such a thing; it filled me with warmth. You were looking out pensively into the space between us and the far wall of the garden, but you must have noticed I couldn't tear my gaze from you, and at length you looked back to me. I had never been so close to your eyes before, and neither pride nor propriety could break my fascination with their amber color._

_"I can see why Lord Kenshin is so fond of this place," I said to cover my awe. "The troubles of the world seem not to touch it."_

_You looked down, and I wondered if I had saddened you. The Hojo had lately broken the treaty you had been sent as a hostage under, and Kenshin's decision not to let you go back to them had stirred further jealousy among many Uesugi allies. The Hojo's hostage had returned, a loud-mouthed young man called Kakizaki Haruie, full of unflattering things to say about his handsome but cold captors. Many laughed along with him. I only found myself relieved that Kenshin genuinely loved you, and would not give you back to such people._

_"This garden reminds me of my eldest brother's," you said quietly. "I used to seek the solace of its beauty whenever I was troubled."_

_"Are you homesick, my lord?"_

_You didn't answer, perhaps politely disregarding the inappropriate question. Kenshin's adoption had made you an Uesugi. Echigo was your home, the lord your father, Kagekatsu your brother. I thought of him then, the other Uesugi heir just about your age. Kagekatsu had a simple face, good-natured when he smiled, like a child's, though something darker when he was serious. Your face, even in youth, was deceptively adult, too pretty to be a child's. I knew such beauty was dangerous to a man's reason, knew it in theory before you showed me in practice, but like a siren's song of the Greeks' tales, you lured me in until I could hardly remember myself._

_"How goes the council, Naoe-dono?"_

_"The usual, my lord, age and prudence struggling against the ambitions of the young. I had thought I might see you there."_

_Again, I was skirting the line of propriety, but you didn't seem offended. "I gave my suggestions to Father privately before the meeting began. I think some of the attendees would be distracted by their dislike of me, were I present."_

_"They don't _dislike_ you, Kagetora-dono, they - "_

_I stopped short, unwilling to say something that would likely offend you at last. You turned from the glare of sunlight on the water again, and your eyes were golden in the afternoon glow. Your gaze was calm and even, but effortlessly intense, making me feel as though a dangerous predator was stripping my soul layer by layer. Tiger's eyes. Kenshin had chosen your name with the precision I had come to expect from him._

_"I am accustomed to it, Naoe-dono."_

_You smiled bitterly, as though we shared a sad secret. I found myself wishing desperately, even angrily, that I were the superior so I could dare comfort you, hypocrite though I was, hating their desire for you when I was no different. You were always stronger than I, in every respect, but I wanted to shield and protect you, and that want has never gone away._

_"Perhaps..." You still faced me, but your eyes flickered away. "Perhaps I am a bit homesick."_

_Four hundred years later, I still don't know what happened. Some wall inside me, built rigidly over many years of serving and commanding and knowing my place, crumbled just for a few world-stilling seconds, long enough for my cold heart to thaw enough to break - for the first time, but not the last. In those moments, you were a human like me, fragile as I have rarely seen you, a soul and a heart that was not only tormenting me, but tormented yourself._

_There has not been a moment since, even in our angriest and most brutal times together, that I have not ached to hold you. Of its own accord, my hand rose through the heavy air, slowly reaching across infinity to cup your cheek. You watched my face with slightly widened eyes, probably wondering if I would actually dare to touch you, and I thought I sensed you breathe in apprehensively. I was inches away, trembling toward your warmth, when Lord Kenshin called from behind us and snapped me back to myself._

_"Ah, Naoe, there you are."_

_Once your unwitting spell was broken, I could feel the lord's presence. It was like heat weighing down the air, a thrumming of atmosphere similar to the excitement of battle. As he approached us, though, it was with his usual infectious serenity. Kenshin was devoted to a god of war and has become something of one himself, but I have never known a man who loved peace more._

_I bowed low. "Forgive my intrusion, my lord. I entered thinking I would find you."_

_"There is nothing to forgive, my friend. Kagetora, are you well?"_

_"Yes, Father. Naoe-dono and I were admiring the beauty of the day."_

_I got the impression that exchange was Kenshin's cloaked way of asking if I had made any inappropriate advances, but I didn't mind. Such a precaution was surely necessary. I knew at least two samurai had been banished or demoted for improper conduct toward you, and knowing you, I'm sure there were more that you didn't report. I let my inevitable flare of wounded pride pass, and noticed in passing that your presence felt very like Kenshin's. So much so that, had I not known better, I might have thought you were parent and child by blood and not choice._

_"If you don't mind losing your companion for a time, Kagetora, Naoe and I will return to the council."_

_"Of course, Father." You couldn't see, because you were bowing, but I was touched by the love in Kenshin's eyes. Yes, even cold I._

_"If you will excuse me, Kagetora-dono."_

_You did nothing for a moment, long enough for me to feel the sting of my inferior position, then nodded. My hands shook as I walked away; briefly I wanted to shake you and frighten you until I felt my hurt recede, Even through this, the longing for you never diminished. Kenshin's calm voice penetrated my confusion, and soothed me as we went side by side._

_"I must thank you," he said quietly._

_A flare of fear, as though it had been an accusation. "M-My lord?"_

_"I caught a smile on Kagetora's face, when first you two came into my sight. He does not smile much, except with Kagekatsu. I wonder if he is truly as content here as he insists to me. Perhaps I was selfish to keep him..."_

_"Kagetora-dono regards you very highly, my lord." He was speaking to me as a friend, but I still made my words cautious. The habit of one who has always served. "I don't believe anyone would prefer the Hojo, even one born to them."_

_"Ah," Kenshin chuckled softly, pausing to pass his hand over a ceremonial container of water and bow to the nearby statue of Bishamonten, "fate may determine family as much as blood. It is true...but not any less an excuse, for all that. I am glad Kagetora chose to stay with us. I only wish I could penetrate, or even understand, the deep sadness in him."_

_Kenshin walked on, and I followed, knowing his confiding in me had finished and we would return to business, as though he had not been confessing to me such personal concerns. As I passed the Bishamonten, I thought the sun must be tricking me, though I know better now. Its stone eyes, which should have been fixed in my direction, seemed to be staring straight at you. _

_mobmobmob_

Cloaked in the familiar smells and sounds of his family's temple, Tachibana Yoshiaki sat in the center of a tatami floor, motionless save for the slow rocking of his breathing. Despite the determined, furrowed expression of peace on his face, Naoe's trance was light, his attempt at emptiness thwarted by mindfulness. He was never at rest, never could be as long as he and Kagetora existed, but the recent incident with Takaya had disturbed his soul even further. Naoe's thoughts wandered in circles of self-pity and frustration, returning again and again to his earliest Buddhist lessons, the many truths of suffering. Suffering, life's only constant.

_Birth is suffering._

And by the gods, it had been. The only mercy of the first trauma of life was that it was quickly forgotten. But for Yashashuu, particularly those who had rarely incarnated so young, the birth experience was a re-awakening after nine months of blissful void. Even in infancy, Kenshin's charge could not be forgotten, nor could their past selves, the pain and fleeting joys of each one. Still, centuries later, women were the only refuge from war...as Minako had been Kagetora's from Naoe.

_Aging is suffering._

The memories would be dim for a while, pushed half aside in the false happiness of a new family and the need to relearn how to be human. For young Tachibana Yoshiaki, the absence of Kagetora had been a dull, accepted pain for a few hazy years. Around age six, it had turned sharp as a knife. As a razor blade, while blood soaked the tatami mats.

_Dying is suffering._

Death, death, death was all around them, the unhappy dead, the angry dead, those who should have passed long ago but lived on. Dying was supposed to lead to peace, to the soul's cleansing and rebirth without attachment. Instead life followed death too quickly, and the pain of each was never wiped away.

_Sorrow, distress, pain, grief and despair are suffering..._

How well Naoe knew each, how much they colored every year and day he'd spent at Kagetora's side...

_To not get what one desires is suffering..._

Naoe felt burned all over his body, shamed at feeling such intense lust in this holy place. He was a monk, expected to show restraint and discipline in all his emotions. But Takaya had been right, after all, to say he was only pretending, that they both were. Takaya. Kagetora. Takaya. Kagetora. Had Naoe been a fool to see a line between them, when none existed?

_Existence with attachment is suffering._

The thought echoed like a shout in a cathedral, disrupting the chant Naoe had been softly repeating. He couldn't keep this up, couldn't strive for the calm of emptiness when his heart was so full. Switching to an easier mantra, Naoe lost himself in the focus of love, attachment's kinder name.

_mobmobmob_

"Thank you for coming, Neesan."

"For ditching class, you mean. Speaking of school, shouldn't you be there?"

"This is more important."

Haruie couldn't argue that. If this was about Naoe, as she was sure it was, then it was Uesugi Yashashuu business. And their long work took priority over the motions of their individual lives. Kadowaki Ayako dropped her helmet carelessly to the grass and sat down on the only occupied bench in the whole park. It was possible that Kagetora's dark mood, powerful as he was, was the reason for this emptiness.

"What did Naoe do?"

"Were you expecting him to do something?" Takaya asked, in a slightly sulky manner only teenagers could pull off.

"Honestly? With the amount of strain he's been under, yes, I've been fearing it. Don't tell me he's finally cracked."

Takaya couldn't bring himself to say what Naoe had done, not yet, maybe never. "Define 'cracked'."

"You like making this difficult, don't you?" Haruie genuinely loved Takaya, he was a Kagetora she could finally mother and tease and scold. "Okay, I don't have a doll for you to show me on...so I'll just ask. Did Naoe crack and finally touch your no-no place?"

Takaya had a brief but strong impulse to shake her; thankfully that was washed away by humiliation. "He tried to, at least. How did you know?"

"You really have no ability to tell when someone's attracted to you, you never have. That worries me, you know."

"So, Naoe is...attracted to me." It made sense in light of his behavior, but still, the words stuck uncomfortably in Takaya's throat.

"Oh, it's much more serious than that. Terminal, in fact."

"What?"

Her face went serious, a smile retreating behind shadow. "Naoe has been in love with you since our mission began, maybe earlier."

Takaya clutched the bench beneath him hard, and continued to do so though it stung his fingers. He was wound so tightly by a rush of anxiety and fear that he nearly jumped when Ayako patted his shoulder.

"Did Kagetora know?"

"Yeah. For the most part, he tolerates it. I don't think you were ever comfortable with it, though."

"Naoe said...that what happened wasn't usual with us."

"He's right. As far as I know, he's never tried to put the moves on you before." She tossed her hair and pouted, though the flippant gesture seemed forced. "You know Naoe, he prides himself on being the perfect, proper retainer."

"Kagetora was _okay_ with this?"

"Not _okay_, no, he just knew Naoe couldn't help it." Ayako nudged him with her elbow. "And I know it's easier for you to think of Kagetora as someone else, but eventually you need to accept that you _are_ him. He _is_ you. You're seeing a distinction that isn't there."

"I don't remember Kagetora. Only flashes, anyway."

"Yeah." Ayako leaned forward, palms flat on the bench, and looked sadly at the grass below them. "No one blames you for that, you know. We get frustrated sometimes, but we understand."

"Neesan, do you know why Kagetora blocked his memories?"

Ayako was quiet for a long moment. The breeze blew her long, curly hair into her face; she shook it away. Somewhere out of sight there was the faint sound of a child's laugh, and she briefly pat Takaya's hand. It took him a moment to realize why she was comforting him.

"I don't know if it's really my place..."

"I can't ask Naoe."

"Okay," she sighed. "It was in our last lives before these. The battle between us and Nobunaga had become more brutal than ever. As always, we looked to you to guide us, and between the pressure that put on you and what you demanded of yourself...looking back, something was bound to break, somewhere."

"What happened?"

"I don't know many details. Irobe and I were away from you and Naoe a lot, not that either of us thought that was a very good idea. A woman's family was killed in the crossfire between us and the Oda, and you took her under your protection."

"A woman?" A flash of unfamiliar skin came to Takaya, but no more than that.

"Does the name Minako mean anything to you?"

_Dark almond eyes, sadness above a saintly smile. Steady acceptance in a world of chaos._

"I...don't know."

"Well...you loved her, and she loved you. We had never seen this before, and Naoe...he didn't take to it very well."

Takaya's throat ached suddenly, he had to force words through its dryness. "What did he do to her?"

"We didn't know until afterwards...much later, when Naoe confessed. I don't think Minako was ever planning to tell you."

"Haruie."

"He raped her," Ayako said, in a strangely even voice. "He was so jealous of her...and you asked him to guard her."

_Naoe, I wanted to show you I trust you. Only that._

Takaya ignored Kagetora's whisper and said "Go on."

"She became pregnant. Naoe said she had forgiven him and, I don't know, I guess she was planning to pretend the baby was yours."

"It couldn't have been," Takaya blurted without thinking. "I never slept with her."

"What? Why?"

_Why, indeed,_ Kagetora murmured from the back of his mind, but would say no more.

"Neesan, what happened to her?"

"Nobunaga attacked. Your body was killed trying to shield Minako and Naoe, and Naoe...did what he had to do. It was terrible, but I think any of us would have done the same, if we'd had the power Kenshin gave Naoe."

"What did he do?"

_"Naoe, what did you do to me?"_

"He forced your soul into Minako's body." Ayako's shoulders slumped. "Which forced her soul out."

"He killed her."

"It didn't matter. Both Naoe's body and Minako's were also killed. Naoe was reborn with his guilt, and we lost track of you until this current life."

"It _does_ matter," Takaya insisted, but without much heat. He was still stunned by what he'd heard and couldn't summon up much of a feeling of connection to the pale woman of his memories. She had been beautiful and she had been a comfort, but the emotion was as distant as the memory. Even so, Takaya couldn't bring himself to say her name.

"She didn't deserve what happened to her. Any of it. Even if Naoe felt guilty afterward - "

"He did. He does."

"Then that's it? That's why Kagetora hates Naoe? No...there's something else. Something Kagetora won't let me know."

"I don't know what to tell you, Takaya. Kagetora was always distant with Naoe and things never seemed happy between you, but I always assumed it was because his feelings made you uncomfortable."

"They do...but why?"

Ayako recognized that the question was directed to himself and not to her, and only "Hmm"ed quietly. In the strange comfort Haruie's presence had become to him, Takaya put the question to himself, to the Kagetora he only reluctantly acknowledged. An image of the locked door answered him, the same place that had blocked his meditation, that blocked every effort to find the source of his and Naoe's dissension. That Naoe's supposed love for him would make Takaya feel awkward was understandable, but the feeling it stirred deep in the pit of his turning stomach was much more like terror. Irrational, wordless terror.

_But why? I felt this way as Kagetora, I know, because this feeling was in me before Naoe ever touched me._

"Neesan...Naoe said it would never happen again."

"Then it probably won't. Not for another few centuries, at least."

"And he's okay with that? With loving someone who treats him like Kagetora does?"

Ayako's brown eyes went slightly wider. "Takaya-kun...you feel sorry for him?"

_Who wouldn't? Kagetora, that's who._

"No! I mean, he lied to me!" Takaya said it to cover the hint of pity he was feeling, but there was real anger in his words. "He made me believe I could trust him, and...it's just..."

"He would give his life for you, you know."

"I wouldn't ask him to. Him or anyone else."

"You never did understand how important you are to us."

"Kagetora, you mean."

Ayako looked sad for a moment, then covered it with a smile, and lightly slapped Takaya's head. "You _are_ Kagetora, dummy. You know, I should be furious with you for daring to forget me. I mean, just look at me."

"I need to find out why."

"Why I'm so gorgeous?"

"Why Kagetora won't let me remember. What he's trying to forget."

"When we found you," Ayako said with a nod, "I wondered if it was more than Minako that made you seal your memories. Any clues?"

"Flashes." It was hard to talk about even this, something so vague. "A beach, dark water at night. A red moon. Does that mean anything to you?"

"No...but then if Kagetora won't even remember it, it's probably something he didn't talk about."

"So I'm on my own, then."

"Don't be such an angsty teenager." She satisfied herself with lightly elbowing him this time. "There's a certain person of our acquaintance who prompts more of your memory flashes than the rest of us, and who also happens to know you better than anyone else."

"Naoe." The name came out in a pained exhalation.

"Sorry, sweetie. But all roads seem to lead to him."

**To be continued.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry this took forever, writing has been slow going. I think I finally know where this story is going, though, and I present to you the next installment of Naoe and Takaya's excellent adventures. Hope you enjoy!**

**Kuwabara Mizuna owns Mirage, I am learning Japanese to someday be able to read it. Yeah. Learning Japanese for a series of perverted light novels. PHEAR ME.**

**PENDULUM  
**_Chapter 6 - Equilibrium_

_Takaya was dreaming. He knew this because Naoe was with him, but did not answer him. The dream is always the same, though he has never had it before. It belongs to Kagetora, has to, because the moon overhead is bloody red, the stars like flickering candles. It is night, then it's day, and another familiar place. The grounds of Kenshin's castle on a drowsy, early summer day, and while Kagetora remembers, Takaya explores._

_Kagetora is sparring with another young man, taller and broader with a pleasant, youthful face. They use long wooden swords, and Kagekatsu is favored by brute strength, able to hit and block with such force that he is hard to contain. Kagetora favors dodging, which he does gracefully, and sneaks past the other boy's defense to land some good, stinging blows._

_"Keep your feet moving, Kiheiji!" Kenshin calls from where he sits watching beneath a tree, the only one who ever uses Kagekatsu's old name. Naoe is with him, watching also, though his eyes are not focused on the fight, on anything but Kagetora._

_"Your sons fight well," he forces past the lump in his throat._

_Kenshin smiles. "If only we had a world where such skills are unnecessary. As it is, I am both proud and sad to see them show such skill."_

_"Peace will surely prevail, my lord."_

_"In their lifetime if not mine, I hope."_

_Kagetora lands a blow on Kagekatsu's shoulder, and the taller boy grimaces, but calls out "Good one!" As the sun sets behind them, lighting up the trees until they seem to be ablaze, Kagekatsu goes in for a disarming move but is checked by Kagetora's speed and accuracy. A few moments more, and Kagekatsu's weapon flies out of his hands and falls into the grass. The two boys bow to each other, and Kenshin and Naoe applaud. The boys then turn to bow to their spectators, the light is caught in Kagetora's amber eyes, and Naoe hastily loosens his collar._

_"Naoe, will you take some water to my sons?"_

_"Certainly, my lord."_

_Naoe obeyed, and Takaya stood alone next to Kenshin, unable to take his eyes off the peacefully smiling man. He didn't look like a war god, hardly even a warrior unless you noticed his steely resolve. But he was familiar to Takaya, everything about him was, and he felt a deep desire to please this man, to make him proud. It occurred to Takaya that this was how he'd once felt about his own father, and how he'd been feeling toward Naoe._

_Suddenly, so suddenly that he gasped and jumped back, Kenshin turned and looked directly at him. "Kagetora," he said, with what even hard-hearted Takaya recognized as love._

_"F-Father?"_

_"The past is dead, my son. Let it go. Let it sleep."_

_Just as abruptly, Takaya was somewhere else. There was fire everywhere, the sound of ripping earth and frightened shouting. He was on the ground, cradling Naoe's body as life seeped out of it, and as the seconds passed, the realization of what was happening made the flames and the chaos worse. He was doing it, he knew, but all his numbed attention was on Naoe, and the fact that he was leaving. His greatest nightmare, Naoe gone for good._

_"Before this happens, my son. Let it go."_

_mobmobmob_

Takaya awoke gasping, flying into a sitting position on his bed, and realized that someone was knocking loudly at his door, that was what had woken him up.

"Niichan! Are you still asleep? Dinner is ready."

Miya, of course. Takaya tried to keep his voice calm as he called back.

"Coming!"

_Just a dream, it was just a dream._

But it wasn't fading the way dreams do. Takaya could almost still smell the warmth of the day, the grass and the dirt. Most of all, Kenshin, who had called him Kagetora with such affection. Could it have really been Kenshin, talking through the dream? Takaya knew Kenshin had given the Yashashuu their mission; he wasn't sure whether the man had any continuing contact with them. It was one of those things he had always meant to ask Naoe.

_Naoe..._

The last bit of the dream was the most vivid. It felt like he really had been there, wherever there was. His eyes still stung from the smoke and the heat, and he could feel Naoe's limp body as easily as he felt the mattress beneath him. Naoe dying, Naoe dead. Gone forever, never to call him "Takaya-san" in that gentle voice, or wrap his arms around him like the wings of a great bird.

_Stop it, stop it._

Takaya was trembling, and gripped his knees with his hands in an effort to stop. It had been a dream, but so had his son, those familiar small hands. So had Kagetora's red moon and rocky beach, whatever the significance of them was. In a world of Possessors and onryou, dreams were more than the idle daydreaming of a body at rest. And there were Kenshin's words to consider.

_He said to let the past go, before Naoe dies. But what past? What Naoe did or what I can't remember?_

"Father," Takaya said quietly to the room, the first time he'd used the word in a long time. As he had expected, no response.

"Niichan? Did you go back to sleep?" Miya seemed pleased when he opened the door. "I tried making hamburgers, so you have to tell me if they're any good."

Oh, yes. Miya's latest craze was experimenting with American food. After his first mouthful, Takaya told her they were great, and didn't even have to lie. That made Miya happy. She was a strange girl, Takaya thought, so content being domestic and having someone to look after. Takaya sometimes tried to talk to his sister about what she wanted to be, envisioning her as a strong businesswoman, but Miya would only say that she wanted to marry and have children. Takaya sometimes wondered if Miya missed the family they had been, if she wanted to recreate it in a new one.

"Did I tell you Dad's up for a promotion?"

Takaya hummed noncommitally. The man sent money to his kids each month and for the most part stayed away. Takaya was happy with this arrangement, but worried for Miya, who still inexplicably loved their father.

"How was school?"

Miya grinned. "I got an A on my Home Ec project. The teacher says I can try a more difficult pattern next time."

"Great. And you're still staying away from that delinquent Ushiro, right?"

"Ushiro is a gentleman once you get to know him." Miya pouted. "He doesn't cut class or anything. But thanks to you, he's afraid to come near me!"

"Well, good. No sister of mine is dating a guy with a tattoo."

"It's of his mother's initials! You really are way too old-fashioned, Niichan," Miya complained, picking delicately at her rice. " I don't try to pick _your_ friends for you."

"Yeah, but you like Yuzuru."

"Yes, I think he's a good influence. But what about Naoe-san?"

Takaya briefly froze mid-swallow. He tried to keep the Kagetora part of himself far away from Miya, and she had only met his comrades once or twice, usually just before or after missions. To hear her bring the subject up, especially just after that nightmare, made Takaya's stomach twist.

"I mean, he's obviously a gentleman, anyone can see that," Miya continued. "And he's sweet and totally gorgeous, but he's so much older than us! You told me you had to interview him for a school project, so why are you still hanging around with him?"

_Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck._

"He's...cool to be around. And he's a monk, so he's helping me meditate and learn to control my anger. We get along well."

Miya wasn't buying it. "You barely get along with _anyone_. And I've never heard you admit to having an anger problem."

"See, I'm getting better already."

"Niichan." She looked suddenly frightened. "Tell me what's going on. You're not sick, are you?"

_DAMMIT._

"No, I swear, I'm fine, it's nothing like that," he said earnestly.

"Then what? Where do you constantly sneak off to with Naoe-san and Ayako-san?" Miya wiped her face roughly, and her eyes narrowed into a determined, dark stare. "You can trust me. And if you don't tell me, I'll follow you every time you go until I find out what you're doing."

_She would, too. FUCK._

"We go to different places. Ruins, shrines, and castles mostly."

"But _why_?"

"Miya...what if I told you that I was someone else before I became your brother?"

"Like a past life? We all have those."

"What if...I'm still the person I used to be, and I took over this body before it was born?"

"I don't understand, Niichan."

Slowly, painfully, with plates of food growing cold between them, Takaya laid it all out for her. Kagetora's early life in Sengoku-era Japan, his death, Kenshin's mission. The feudal underworld and the growing threat of the Oda. Even Yuzuru's possession by Takeda Shingen and the dozens of onryou samurai he'd exorcised. Miya let him speak, nodding now and then but never interrupting. When he seemed to be done, she put her hand over his.

"You're not playing a joke?" He had never heard her sound so serious.

"I wish I was."

"Then I believe you."

"How? _I_ can barely believe it."

Miya shrugged. "It makes a weird kind of sense. Anyway, I know you wouldn't lie to me."

"I don't want you to be part of this, Miya. I want you kept completely out of it."

"So I can't help you?"

"No," Takaya said honestly. "You'd be a liability. A distraction."

"My protective big brother."

A shadow crossed Takaya's face. "You realize what this means. I took Ougi Takaya's body from him. I'm not your real brother."

The girl was quiet for a few moments. "Do you remember what Mom used to write on the back of pictures of us?"

He didn't like talking about their mother and she knew it; this must be leading to something. Anyway, he did remember.

"Yeah. She wrote 'Mii-chan and Nii-chan'."

"You're the big brother who's always been with me. You're the one I love and trust."

_Just like Yuzuru said._ Miya's smile and sincerity were like a bandage around his sore, tired heart. But there was a tear or two beneath her eyes.

"This means you're in danger, doesn't it, Niichan?"

"Just a little," Takaya lied, "but that's why I have the others. Naoe especially."

"I already liked Naoe-san, but know that I know he protects you, I'd like to kiss him."

_Naoe is mine! And a good kisser. What the hell am I thinking?_

"So you actually knew Kenshin?" Miya asked, having brightened up visibly. "What was he like?"

"Just like you'd expect. Very kind, always smiling."

"Wow." Miya's expression turned thoughtful. "So, Uesugi Kagetora? The one from the painting?"

"What?"

"Honestly, Niichan, do you ever pay attention to news?" Miya pulled a newspaper out of a pile of mail and tossed it to him. "An old scroll painting from the sixteenth century was just loaned to the Matsumoto historical society. It's a huge deal because they think it may be the only depiction of Uesugi Kagetora in existence."

Takaya scanned the article, which confirmed what Miya said. Nearby, Miya began to gather the dinner dishes, and when Takaya started to help, she shook her head and smiled.

"You know cleaning relaxes me, Niichan. I need to take some time and figure out how to accept this."

As she went into the kitchen, Takaya thought, _Let me know, Miya, if you figure out how._

_mobmobmob_

The wind picked up as Tachibana Yoshiaki left his family temple, sending newly fallen leaves scattering and braches overhead rattling. Naoe thought it was good; maybe it would wash away the smell of incense from his robes. His mother was always complaining about that. She was a kind woman, and Naoe was always good to his host's parents. It was the least he could do, he figured, in payment for the life he'd stolen.

He stopped in the genkan, putting on house slippers automatically, something he'd done thousands of times. He went straight to the kitchen, thinking of coffee, and found his elder brother Teruhiro sitting at the table, drinking a cup of his own.

"Yoshiaki. Busy at the temple today?"

"Counseling a mother who just lost her daughter. What brings you here, Niisan?"

"Father and I had a meeting today with some associates," Teruhiro said, referring to the family real estate business. "I didn't feel like driving back yet."

"Really?"

"No. Actually, I was hoping I could talk to you."

"About what?" The voice was polite, but Naoe's guard was up.

"How are you doing, Yoshiaki?"

"Fine. Nothing is wrong."

"Mother said you continue to disappear from time to time, mostly to Matsumoto."

Naoe smiled thinly. "I'm a monk. I go where I am called to."

"She also said you've been in a pretty good mood lately. You smile while on the phone, and before you run off."

"Is that strange?"

"Enough for me to do a little investigating. Your young friend who calls sometimes, what's his name? Takaya, isn't it?"

"Yes." Naoe didn't show it, but he was nervous.

"Is he part of your monk duties?"

Excellent, a chance for an excuse. "In a manner of speaking. The boy doesn't get on with his father, so I've taken up the role of mentor to him."

Teruhiro smiled, and took a long sip from his mug. "I'm sometimes surprised how well you turned out, Yoshiaki. We were so worried about you when you were small. And I was afraid you'd become a womanizer, what with all that attention from grieving widows. What was the name of that teacher you had, the one who said she'd wait for you to grow up?"

"Sato-sensei." Pre-school was a long time ago, but not so much for a Possessor.

"Right. Yoshiaki, what is the boy to you?"

"What?" The question had come out of nowhere.

"I'm not trying to embarrass you, little brother. I only mean that...well, he is a minor and you should be...careful."

"Niisan, you think there is something going on between Takaya-san and myself?" Naoe wanted to laugh hysterically. This was funnier than anything Kousaka had ever done, and sadder.

"Well, you're always so happy when he calls. You haven't had a call from a woman in months, and you're constantly in and around Matsumoto. So you're spending a lot of time with the kid."

"I'm not always with him when I travel."

"Not always, you say, so that means you are with him much of the time."

"Gods," Naoe groaned softly, with a faint wince.

"Yoshiaki, the last thing I want is to upset you. I just think being involved with someone so young is dangerous."

"Takaya-san and I are not involved, Niisan. I will swear it on anything you like."

Teruhiro put his hands up in surrender. "Okay, I believe you. And I'm relieved."

"I'm glad we resolved this." Naoe exhaled deeply. "What brought this on, Niisan?"

"It's...it's hard to explain. You know I'm not gay, right?"

Naoe nodded;Teruhiro was happily married. But he felt a twinge of anger about what he suspected might be coming.

"It's the oddest thing." Teruhiro looked disturbed. He was an intensely practical man, not prone to talking about feelings. "There's something strange about that boy, something...strangely sexual. That sounds terrible, I know."

Naoe shook his head. It was how men usually reacted to Kagetora, the nicer ones, that is.

"I'm not saying I'm attracted to him or anything," Teruhiro added hastily. "There's just...something there."

"I understand. But Niisan, you got this impression over the phone? You've never met Takaya-san."

Teruhiro smiled guiltily. "Actually, I have. He showed up about half an hour ago. He's with Mother in the living room."

"WHAT?"

_mobmobmob_

Naoe hurried into the room, robes fluttering with his movements. Takaya stood when he entered, forcing a smile but not quite looking his way. Tachibana Sachiko looked warmly at her son and quickly closed the photo album on her lap.

"Don't be angry, Yoshiaki, he only wanted to see what you looked like as a child. I didn't show him any embarrassing ones."

"I appreciate that, Mother," Naoe said dryly. "Takaya-san. I wasn't expecting you."

"I know. I was hoping I could talk to you."

"Mother, would you mind?"

"Of course, of course." Sachiko stood up and, smiling, pat Takaya's shoulder. "Nice to have met you, dear."

"The honor is mine, Sachiko-san."

They were alone for a long few moments before either spoke. Naoe couldn't take his eyes off Takaya, amazed to find him here, relieved that the boy seemed okay. More than okay, he seemed calm, and completely unafraid. It was more than Naoe had expected or thought he deserved.

"Your parents are nice," Takaya said at last, then smiled briefly. "They must have really been hurt by your suicide attempts."

"Looking back, I don't think any of them were serious."

"Really?"

"If I died and was reborn as a normal person, I would have no memory of you. And I don't want to exist in any world without you."

"Careful where you say that. I think your brother suspects we're - "

"I talked to him. Everything is all right."

"Naoe the perfect retainer, setting everything to rights. I knew you were that type from the day we met. Met again, I mean."

Naoe offered a weak smile. "I've often wondered what you were thinking that day, when I told you about myself, and Kenshin, and Kagetora."

"I was thinking 'Back away slowly from the crazy'." Takaya shifted a little where he stood. "And I was thinking I could trust you, for a reason I didn't understand."

"You can trust me, Takaya-san. My behavior was inexcusable, but..."

"Haruie told me it's been building up a long time. That your...restraint was bound to break at some point."

"That's no excuse."

"No, it isn't."

"I apologize, Kagetora-sama. It will not happen again."

It would, they both knew it would, but what was the use of speaking it aloud? Naoe needed something he could not have, Takaya wanted a peace that could never be between them. Maybe there was some middle ground to be found, miserable, but better than nothing.

"I forgive you, Naoe. For this one time. I want us to move past it."

"There are some sins you cannot forgive. Sins I do not dare ask absolution for."

"Like Minako?"

The name seemed to suck all the air out of the room. Naoe's face drained of color so fast that Takaya though the might faint, and he swayed on his feet in those bright, unfamiliar robes.

"You...you've remembered Minako?"

"No. Haruie told me. Naoe...why did you do that to her?"

Naoe desperately looked like he'd rather be anywhere else. "No answer I give could justify my actions."

"I know. I just want to know."

Asked so simply, Naoe could do nothing but answer honestly. "You sent me from your side, endangering yourself, to protect her. She had you and I didn't, I never would. She was kind and gentle and everything I am not. I wanted to hurt her, and I did. She forgave me afterward, but I will never forgive myself."

"Naoe." Takaya looked at him with a pleading expression. "Can't we stop this? Stop hurting each other?"

"I don't know, Takaya-san. You will always be superior to me. I feel I will always resent it."

"Why can't we be equals?"

"Because we aren't. Because we just can't."

Frustrated, Takaya exhaled long and deeply. " I don't want it to be like this. I hurt you, you hurt me, and so on, and so on, until we die or the world ends. What can I do, Naoe?"

"We can only fulfill our mission as best we can. All other concerns are secondary."

"Spoken like a true samurai."

"Kagetora-sama. I know you don't want to hear it and don't believe me anyway, but you need to know. I do love you. I always will. If you can bear it, I wish to remain by your side."

"What about you?" Takaya asked sadly. "Won't it hurt you to be near me?"

"I don't remember a time when it didn't."

"Then - "

"I wanted these chains, Takaya-san. I would rather be bound to you than be free."

"You're not just a slacker monk, then, you're a masochist," Takaya joked, trying to cover up how relieved he was. "Well, if you can keep your hands to yourself, I'll need your help."

"My help?"

"Yeah, your help figuring out these memories of mine. I mean, you are okay with me remembering now, right? Now that I know about Minako?"

"Yes. I agree, regaining your repressed memories will return to you the full force of your powers. You will need to be at your strongest when we confront the Oda."

"And I have more memory flashes around you than not, so you're the perfect person to help me."

"What did you have in mind?" Naoe asked.

"Have you heard about the painting of Kagetora?"

"Yes. I was planning to go see it. I can take you with me tomorrow, if you like, after school. My family has done business with the Matsumoto historical society, I may be able to get us a private viewing."

"I can go instead of school, it'll be fine."

Naoe smiled wryly. "My family believes I am mentoring you. Ditching school may blow our cover. We will go after school. I'll pick you up."

"Oh, fine. Naoe?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know if something...bad ever happened to Kagetora? Something he'd hide even from me?"

Naoe, all seriousness now, considered for a moment. " I know Kagetora-sama was hurt by his constant status as a hostage, until his adoption by Kenshin. I know Kagekatsu's betrayal wounded him deeply."

"There's something even worse, something he only lets me have glimpses of. I guess he never told you."

The thought of that clearly troubled Naoe. "If it is something he keeps from you, Takaya-san, he may never have told anyone. But whatever it is, I will help you find it. For my peace as well as yours."

"You should wear your monk robes more often, Naoe. They make you seem so much more trustworthy."

They smiled at each other in the quiet, airy room. They knew there was no getting back to the innocence of what Naoe and Takaya were starting to become, but neither minded. The truth illuminates as much as it destroys, and what's left is what human beings have to work with. Naoe, freed from the shackles of the kind mentor, stepped with ease back into his role as long-suffering retainer. It would have surprised Takaya to know what a relief this was.

**To be continued.**


	7. Chapter 7

_Finally finished this chapter today! So without further ado, I present it to you. I hope it pleases._

_Kuwabara Mizuna owns the eye candy, except the people I invent. As always, canon is utilized, perverted, sometimes ignored completely. It's better not to get involved with MOB unless you're willing to lose your sanity._

**PENDULUM  
**_Chapter 7 - Spectrum_

School, as usual, was a boring blur for Takaya. Yuzuru met him in the genkan, where the students exchanged their shoes for slippers, and asked how he was.

"Just tired. Naoe dragged me around to do exorcisms all summer. What about you?"

"Mostly I studied." Typical Yuzuru. "Morino-san wants to take us to the local pool, but I said we should wait until you came back. You are okay, aren't you, Takaya? You seem distracted."

"Nah, just annoyed that we have a whole 'nother school year to get through."

"Only one more. Think of it that way. Then we get to start our lives as adults."

Takaya said nothing. His impression was that Kanshousha didn't last very long in adult bodies. What did Takaya have to look forward to? An endless life of putting on and taking off new bodies like clothes? An eternity of exorcisms and Underworld politics until some miraculous peace broke out among the warring clans. Right, like that'd ever happen.

"Takaya?" Yuzuru sounded worried, so Takaya laughed.

"We're quite a pair, aren't we? The ghost hunter and the future dentist."

"You could go to college too, you know. You can work it in between exorcisms, can't you?" Yuzuru said seriously. "When you do actually come to school, your grades are high enough. Think about it."

"I will."

"You're Takaya too, you know," Yuzuru said softly. "Not just Kagetora. Takaya's life matters."

"You're worried I'm gonna get so into Kagetora, that Takaya will be lost?"

Yuzuru nodded with a solemnity that was strong even for him. "It's probably what I fear the very most."

_mobmobmob_

"So there you are, faker."

Takaya hummed noncommittally.

"Sensei asked me to go to the nurse's office and check on you, and what a surprise, you're up here."

"It's quiet, or _was_, until you brought your big mouth."

Takaya was lying on the warm concrete of the high school's roof, eyes closed, like someone working on his tan. Chiaki strode over to his classmate, stopping a few steps away.

"I hear you're trying to recover your memories."

"Did Naoe tell you that?" Takaya asked, feeling suddenly uneasy.

"Haruie. She also said you took the news about Minako pretty well."

"I am mad about what Naoe did. It just all seems so distant."

"What would you have done, I sometimes wonder, if you had survived in Minako's body? Abort the baby, keep it?"

"I honestly don't know." Takaya exhaled slowly. "Chiaki. How did I behave toward Naoe? Before?"

Chiaki flopped down to a sitting position and scoffed. "I'm not saying you're the boss from hell or anything. You're a good leader who looks out for your subordinates. That said..."

"Yeah?"

"You were always harder on Naoe than the rest of us. What the rest of us got off light for, he was punished more severely."

"What kind of punishment?" Takaya asked, though he already knew.

"Being sent away from your side," Chiaki said coolly. "The worst thing you could possibly do to him. And that's not all. Now and then you would thank him for something or even say a kind word, but then you'd immediately close yourself off from him. You wouldn't even let him touch you, like he wasn't worthy of the honor."

"That's not why!"

"Really? Enlighten me."

"I...I don't remember."

"Convenient," Chiaki said, rolling his eyes. "He's in love with you, you treated him like any other half-trusted vassal."

"I do trust Naoe!"

"Oh? Do you care about him?"

_Yes! _"Naoe is a loyal subordinate who has performed his duties, for the most part, well."

"What if he wanted to leave you?"

"Naoe would never leave me."

"But if he did? If he couldn't take this one-sided love another moment, would you let him go?"

"No!" Takaya found himself answering from the heart. "He's my dog, mine to command, mine!"

"Still such a spoiled brat. Do you know your Sophocles, Kagetora?"

"My what?"

"'You are hard when you should yield, pitiless when you should show mercy. Such natures deserve the pain they bear.'"

With that, Chiaki re-entered the building, leaving Kagetora to ponder the words left hanging in the air.

_mobmobmob_

Japanese History was one of the classes Takaya had come to hate the least. It focused heavily on the Sengoku era, and he'd found himself passing tests with ease, thanks to knowledge he had gained and remembered. Today Tudo-sensei was drilling the class in preparation for an upcoming test. After Morino correctly identified a flag symbol used by the Takeda, the teacher asked which god Lord Kenshin was most devoted to.

Kagetora raised his hand without thinking about it, surprising both classmates and the teacher, who called on him.

"Bishamonten, the war god."

"Very good, Ougi. Now let's turn our attention to the Oda..."

At this point, Takaya lost interest in the game, and scribbled a note to Chiaki which he quickly passed up. It read "Did something bad ever happen to Kagetora? Like something he wouldn't have talked about?" The response was no help. "If something did, I doubt he would have told me."

Fair enough, but another dead end. Takaya looked at the clock, wondering why the day seemed to go so slowly. It was warm for a September day, and the breeze let in through the open windows still held some of the sleepy scent of summer. Takaya put his head down on his arm and let himself drift...

_mobmobmob_

The moon was full, the night air cool. Kagetora lounged with ease in the short tree; he was good at climbing, at most things he tried. He was feeling comfortable in his own body, not a feeling he was used to, and realized it was the nearby flute music that was making him feel safe. The music, and the presence of the person playing it.

Familiar features, soft gaze, hands like his own. Takaya groped for a name and found Ujiteru, Kageotra's older brother by blood. This was Odawara by night, the nearby sea a dark mass beneath the sky, a spot on the beach they came to often to practice their swords or to relax. The sound of the flute stopped before Kagetora was ready for it to, and he had to remind himself he was safe here.

(Safe from what, Takaya asked, and received no answer.)

"In all our time together, I've taught you as much as I can. I hope you will remember it," Ujiteru said, and he seemed to blink away a tear. "It's not certain that we will ever see each other again."

"Of course we will, Ani-ue. I'll help forge a real peace that lasts between the Hojo and the Uesugi, and I'll come home again."

Ujiteru smiled, a touch indulgently. He took an identical flute out of his sleeve and passed it up to the younger boy.

"Take this with you, Saburo. You've learned to play it well, and the sound of it will comfort you whenever you miss home."

"Yes, Ani-ue. Don't worry about me. Whether the Uesugi are kind or cruel, I will go to them. I will fulfill my duty as a member of the Hojo clan. I will make you and Father proud."

Another smile. "We are already proud. You've recovered from whatever was troubling you a few months ago, and you've grown well. Father's love has made us strong, we brothers, and it will keep you strong when you go to the Uesugi."

"Yes, Ani-ue."

"Don't worry too much. Kenshin is said to be kind."

"Maybe he'll give me a new name, as Shingen-kou did," Kagetora said, his eyes bright with mischief.

"You will always be Saburo to me."

(Takaya? Ougi-kun?)

"Saburo." Ujiteru seemed troubled now. "Don't be _too_ easy on your new family. If anyone ever tries anything...inappropriate, say no and fight them off. Send for me, I'll come get you."

It did no good before, Kagetora whispered, but the voices from somewhere were drowning him out. (Takaya! Ougi-kun, wake up!)

Then someone touched his back, and he began to scream.

_mobmobmob_

The world was all white for a while, the darkness inside his eyelids bright like a post-photo flash. Beneath him was a firm softness, like a bed but much more like a sturdy cot, and someone was brushing his hair back from his forehead. Only one person would dare to do something so patronizing.

"Naoe," Takaya said, and opened his eyes. "How do you always wake up before me?"

There was the loyalest of retainers, of course, hovering over him, and Naoe let out a sigh of relief.

"Takaya-san, you had us worried."

"Takaya? Are you okay?" Yuzuru, from a polite distance.

"I wasn't worried." Chiaki, the smug bastard, from across the infirmary.

"What happened to me?"

Naoe looked concerned, even more than usual. "We were hoping you could tell us."

Yuzuru stepped closer. "It looked like you fell asleep on your desk, but then you fell onto the floor, just collapsed like all the life drained out of you, and when I tried to shake you you started screaming and thrashing. Then you just went limp. We carried you here about an hour ago."

"Pain in our collective asses, as usual," Chiaki drawled.

Takaya ignored him, and spoke to Naoe. "How did you find out?"

"The school called me, said you should take the day off. I am your emergency contact."

"You're my WHAT?"

"I thought it most appropriate."

Takaya looked like he might start to yell, so everyone was relieved when Nurse Ogawa, a pretty lady in her thirties, came over and asked Takaya if he was feeling better.

"I'm okay, as long as I don't have to go back to class."

She clucked at him for that. "You must have fallen asleep and had a bad dream. You can go, but Tachibana-san, make sure he rests and gets plenty of liquids."

Naoe bowed. "I promise, he will be looked after carefully," he said gravely. "Thank you for your medical expertise, madame."

Nurse Ogawa turned pink and excused herself, while Takaya rolled his eyes and struggled to a sitting position. Naoe tried to help him, and stood dutifully by when he was waved away. Takaya's head swam for a bit, and he felt like he was riding the spinning teacups at an amusement park. Slowly, it passed, and he focused on what was around him. The stiffness of white cotton sheets. The antiseptic white light of the room. Naoe, standing ever ready to assist. Takaya felt a rush of pity for the man, and covered it with a grim smile.

"Okay, let's go check out that damn picture."

"Takaya-san, in light of what has happened, perhaps it would be more prudent to save that trip for when you are feeling better," Naoe said, diplomatic as usual.

"I'm fine, I'm not even dizzy anymore. Besides, we're following my memories, right? Gotta keep doing stuff that'll prompt them."

"What did you remember?" Naoe asked, very softly.

"I was in Odawara, the night before I left for Echigo. My older brother gave me a flute and told me he'd come save me if I needed him."

"Ujiteru?" Chiaki nodded. "He tried to. He couldn't get to you, but he tried. Which just further convinced everyone that you were looking out for Hojo interests the whole time."

"I wasn't," Takaya mumbled. "I liked being an Uesugi."

"You _are_ an Uesugi," Naoe said firmly.

The words set a warm glow blazing in Takaya's stomach, and when he spoke again, his voice was stronger.

"I don't know if it has to do with anything, but Ujiteru said I had gotten over something that recently bothered me. And...I get the impression that he didn't know what really happened."

"Then what happened?" Chiaki asked bluntly.

"I don't _know_."

"We will figure it out," Naoe said, offering a hand to Takaya and helping him stand. "We will pursue your memories without fail, the dark moments as well as the bright."

"I get the feeling there's more dark than light."

"There's good in every life," Yuzuru said sincerely. "Wasn't the memory of your brother good?"

"Yeah...but sad. He didn't want me to leave, even fought with Father over it. Ujimasa-ani was glad to see me gone, though." Takaya blinked. "Where the fuck did all that come from?"

Yuzuru looked unhappy, and excused himself to get Takaya's homework. Takaya watched him go, feeling depressed.

"Narita-kun thinks Kagetora will eventually overwhelm Takaya," Chiaki said to the ceiling, speaking what they were all thinking. "The sooner the better, in my opinion, this squad needs its leader back, but Narita-kun values Takaya more."

"He and my sister alone," the boy scoffed.

Naoe looked surprised. "I value Takaya-san very highly."

"Because I'm Kagetora."

"Once, perhaps. Now, I think I value Kagetora-sama more than ever because he is Takaya-san."

"Good grief," Chiaki groaned. "You're not gonna tell us this unhealthy love of yours makes you better or happier than you'd otherwise be."

"I do say so. Despite all I've done, I am a better person for loving Kagetora-sama. The world is brighter, the air is clearer."

Takaya groaned into his open palm. Chiaki smirked, strolled to the door and turned to look over his shoulder.

"Yeah, you've gotta tell me sometime, Naoe," he said, "about the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy."

_mobmobmob_

Takay dozed during the brief car ride to the Matsumoto historical society, located just next to Matsumoto Castle, and only awoke when he heard the driver's side door open. Naoe opened the passenger's side door before Takaya could get to it, and the boy rolled his eyes as he stumbled out.

"Love or no, don't treat me like a girl."

"Of course, my lord."

There was a glint of amusement in Naoe's eyes that Takaya considered beating out of him, but he decided to save that for another time. He was careful to get to the building's door before Naoe did, and waited impatiently while Naoe explained their presence to the director. The historical society didn't open for another hour, but a select few were being allowed a private viewing of their new acquisition, and Naoe's charm or connections or both won the man over. He introduced himself as Hirada Toushiro, and encouraged them both to ask if they had any questions.

Takaya didn't really listen as Hirada explained that the scroll painting was dated circa 1568, and though its painter was unknown, it was rather different than most from that period, leading to speculation that the artist was influenced by western painting styles. It was realistic as opposed to stylistic, and though they couldn't be certain of course, there was a good chance that the representation was very like the subject. The painting was on loan from a pair of wealthy brothers, who had gotten it from a dealer in the antiquities market, and it was a wonderful window to the past...

_Blah, blah_, Takaya thought. He felt a strange dread, as though the picture itself were something dangerous to him, but told himself to stop being dumb. _Maybe it'll prompt a memory, and I need my memories._

The room they were directed to was nearly devoid of life, containing only two men in suits who were talking softly to each other. Against the walls were paintings and display cases that held old documents, weapons and battle accessories. A full suit of armor on a mannequin stood in one corner. The scroll painting they had come to see had pride of place on the far, otherwise vacant wall.

Takaya's sense of dread continued to climb as they approached, and he continued to scold himself silently. When he finally looked up he almost immediately breathed a sigh of relief. Sure, the figure was handsome enough, he supposed, but hardly worth all the fuss people always made. The image had flowing black hair and amber-colored eyes, and was wearing a blue kimono that Takaya thought he recognized. He turned to face Naoe, and found the elder man transfixed.

"Naoe? Hellooo?"

Naoe turned to him and smiled weakly. "Sorry, my lord, I was...distracted. Do you understand now?"

"Understand?"

"Why people behaved the way they did."

"No. He doesn't look so special to me."

Naoe looked surprised, then abruptly not. "It's probably because you look so much like him. You can't see yourself the way the rest of us do. Kagetora had many troubles because of his looks."

"Hey, I got a right to walk around nude and not be groped," Takaya grumbled, getting a flash from Kagetora that confirmed what Naoe said. People - men - had constantly stared, and often tried to touch.

"I agree, my lord."

"Hah. You just want me to walk around naked."

Naoe laughed, and returned his attention to the painting. Leaving Naoe to ogle the image of his former self, Takaya wandered over to a row of display cases and explored. Many of the items were on loan from bigger museums, part of the society's Sengoku exhibition. There was a sword said to belong to Oda Nobunaga, and a letter written by Kagekatsu to one of his generals, and a small idol of Bishamonten that supposedly had belonged to Kenshin. Takaya wished he could take it out, hold it and see if any flashes came of the man. The memories that had to do with Kenshin were safe ones, wholly unlike the feeling of dread that was coiled in the pit of Takaya's stomach. Was it the proximity of the painting that chilled him, or Naoe's staring at it? He felt that the answer was no, and yet, what else could it be?

Takaya bumped into someone as he moved back, and clamped down against the impulse to run from touch. "Sorry, excuse me."

"Entirely my fault. Gods...Saburo?"

No one outside their circle of Kanshousha and enemies could have known that name. Takaya looked up, feeling frozen, and found an extremely kind face looking down at him. It was one of the men in suits, and after a few seconds of silent staring, the uneasy feeling was gone from Takaya completely. He recognized the soul behind the face, felt sure of who it was beyond any certainty he'd ever felt before.

"Ujiteru...ani?"

The man's face lit up. "Saburo, I knew you'd know me."

Suddenly, the man's arms were around him, and though his presence brought a peaceful feeling, Takaya still felt the same panic he dealt with wihen anyone touched him intimately. In no time, however, they were being pulled apart, half by Naoe and half by the other suited man, who looked at Takaya with surprise but hissed to his companion that they mustn't draw attention. Takaya, meanwhile, was being bodily shielded by Naoe.

"Are you all right, Takaya-san?"

"Yeah...Naoe, that's - "

"Takaya is your name now?" Ujiteru said happily. "Mine is Takada Hiro, and this is my brother Takashi. Do you recognize him, Saburo?"

He did, and felt nothing but a creeping dread to look at his current body and remember a cold, stern face. "Ujimasa-ani."

"I knew you'd know us, and I knew I'd find you! Saburo, I was worried about you all this time." Ujiteru seemed to notice Naoe for the first time, and frowned. "I must say, after all I've heard, I'm surprised you're still keeping the same company. Naoe Nobutsuna, isn't it?"

Takaya hurriedly spoke before Naoe could. "Yes, this is Naoe. We're working out our differences. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, we're the ones lending the painting to this establishment."

"I meant - "

"He means, why have you returned to the world of the living?" Naoe nearly growled.

"Why should we not?" Ujimasa answered sharply. "The Hojo have as much right to rule Japan as any other family taking part in the fuedal underworld."

"We are again enemies, then."

"Of course we're not!" Ujiteru said, still looking at Takaya. "Saburo, all this time we've been waiting for you to come home. We've missed you so much."

"Takaya-san, I believe we should go."

"Yeah, I need some air." He felt like he was choking.

As Naoe steered him toward the exit, Ujiteru pressed a business card into Takaya's hand.

"Saburo, think about it! We're waiting for you! Father is waiting for you!"

_mobmobmob_

Once outside, Takaya put his head against the car and forced himself to breathe deeply until the choking feeling went away. Naoe took a bottle of water from the trunk and handed it to him, and Takaya drained it in one gulp.

"Fuck," he said, too unsteady to say anything else.

"So the Hojo join the feudal underworld. We have yet another enemy to defeat." Naoe looked concerned. "Are you all right, Takaya-san?"

"Yeah, just...wow."

"It must be startling to encounter your former brothers as you did."

"Yeah..."

"Any memory flashes?"

"Just ones that have come before. And fuck, they're so different. As soon as I recognized Ujiteru-ani I felt safe, like I used to whenever I was with him, but Ujimasa-ani...he gave me the creeps."

"I hope, Takaya-san..."

"What?"

Naoe looked like he didn't want to say what he was about to say. "That they will not sway your feelings of loyalty to us."

Takaya was silent. He had, after all, felt such peace looking into Ujiteru's eyes, and what he had said about going home, about Kagetora's father waiting for him...it did strike a few pangs of what must be homesickness in Takaya. In Kagetora. But they were the same, weren't they?

"I apologize, Kagetora-sama, I should not think such a thing."

Naoe sounded genuinely sorry. Takaya shook his head.

"It's okay. Take me somewhere I can collapse, and we'll call it even."

**To be continued.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Have this one ready unexpectedly soon, and it doesn't seem fair to sit on it. Don't know when you can expect the next one, but I'll try not to make it too long!**

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews, they really make the work of writing worth it.**

**Kuwabara Mizuna owns these people, lucky girl.**

**Warning in this chapter for smut. Yep, finally, right? :)**

**PENDULUM  
**_Chapter 8 - Consolamentum_

"When I said I needed somewhere to collapse, I meant, like, _home_, not a fancy hotel."

Takaya's voice was muffled by the pillow his face was pressed to, as he sprawled across one of the room's two large beds. He had been there silently for nearly half an hour, since they checked in, and while left to his thoughts Naoe kept thinking of the dazed look on Takaya's face as he was dragged away from his brothers.

_Former brothers. Well, no. He's still Kagetora, and they're still his brothers. Damn, why did this have to happen now? Just when Takaya-san was getting adjusted..._

It was not that Naoe doubted Kagetora's loyalty, it was just that he knew the strength of blood ties, knew it would be hell for Kagetora to have to fight someone who loved him, and had kept loving him for four hundred years. Naoe had noted that Takaya had carefully put Ujiteru's business card in his wallet, rather than throwing it away.

_If only they were not our enemies, they could be allies, and family for Takaya-san._

"I often stay in this hotel when in Matsumoto," Naoe said.

"Slacker monk. Didn't you take a vow of poverty or something?" With difficulty, it seemed, Takaya flipped over to lay on his back. "Stop worrying. I can hear you worrying, Naoe."

"My lord?"

"You're thinking that having to fight my own brothers is gonna trip me up, right?"

"I was thinking that it would be difficult for you."

"I'll be fine. If they start causing trouble, we exorcise them. No sweat."

"Even Ujiteru-dono?"

Takaya sighed. "Yeah. Shit. He was really happy to see me, wasn't he?"

"I believe so. Your memories of him are pleasant, aren't they?"

"He taught me everything. Riding, sword fighting, archery. And the flute. To this day, flute music calms me, and for so long I didn't know why." Takaya shifted again, so he could see Naoe. "You said I used to play it."

"In our original lives, Lord Kenshin told me that you played it beautifully, that he loved to listen."

"I've been meaning to ask you...are you still in contact with Kenshin?Can you still talk to him?"

"I have not heard from him in several lifetimes, no," Naoe said, sounding regretful. "He used to speak to me during meditation. I still speak to him, though, hoping he hears me."

"That's kind of crappy. He set us on this quest thing, the least he could do is stick around to answer questions."

"Lord Kenshin did not waste words. If there was nothing to say, he said nothing."

Takaya pouted. "I want to ask him why he chose me for this."

"I wouldn't mind knowing the same about myself."

"He really never told you?"

"I didn't think to question it. It was an order from my lord."

Takaya rolled his eyes. "Don't be so subservient, Naoe. Didn't you ever want to, like, tell Kaegtora off?"

"I could never do that, even if I wanted to." Naoe sounded shocked.

"Come on, practice on me. Tell me I'm a terrible leader and I should fuck off. Come on."

Naoe laughed. "I will admit, Kagetora-sama has frustrated me in the past, but not to quite that extent."

"A little rebellion is healthy, you know."

"I'm surprised to hear that from you."

"From Kagetora, you mean."

"Yes." Naoe smiled. "There is no difference."

"You're absolutely sure I'm a four hundred-year-old samurai?"

"Positive."

"Okay, drinking age isn't a problem, then." Takaya grabbed the phone and dialed. "Hi, this is room two-sixteen, can you send up a few bottles of sake?"

_mobmobmob_

Takaya pushed hard, and Naoe finally relented, meekly stating that it was just this once, and only because Takaya didn't have school the next day. Sake was delicately poured, back and forth, into the small drinking bowls, and very soon master and retainer were both comfortably buzzed, and talking with ease about their recent pasts.

"No way! Your _pre-school_ teacher?"

Naoe laughed and nodded. "She told me she'd wait for me to grow up and reach my majority. I let it slip to my older brother, who told my parents. They were outraged, of course, and got her fired. Pity."

"You're not gonna go looking her up, are you?"

"Of course not. The only one I want is - "

"Don't say it. Here, drink more! To Lord Kenshin, who started us on this path and buggered off before we could question him!"

"Insolence," Naoe laughed, but clattered his bowl against Takaya's in a toast.

"Let's see, who else? To Kousaka, who only comes around because he has a massive man-crush on Naoe!"

"What?"

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed. He practically has stars in his eyes when he talks to you," Takaya grumbled. "But you're my dog. Mine."

"I am happy to be only yours."

"You're a masochist." Takaya refilled his cup and Naoe's. "You don't get what you want from me, yet you stick around. Why do you do that?"

"I would rather be with you than anyone else."

"Neesan needs to set you up on some blind dates or something. I don't want you to be alone."

_But then, I don't want you with anyone else, either._

Naoe smiled reassuringly. "I am not lonely. I have you, after all."

"All I do is tease you."

"I like being teased by Takaya-san. It is a new thing for us."

"Kagetora really had a stick up his ass, didn't he?"

Naoe seemed to find that hilarious and laughed a long time. Takaya snickered as he downed another bowlful of sake and poured them each another round.

"I think, perhaps Takaya-san has had enough."

"Hey, you're the one giggling like a maniac. Where's your perfect retainer behavior?"

"I apologize, my lord."

"Don't take me seriously all the time, Naoe. I was joking."

"It is most improper, though. I should not be drinking with my master," Naoe admitted.

"You want me to drink alone? Ha. You just want me drunk so you can have your way with me."

"Would such a thing work?"

"Ha, like I'm gonna tell you."

A few rounds later, Naoe began to sing an old drinking song he remembered from his days in Echigo. His voice as Tachibana Yoshiaki was strong and clear, but the song was old-fashioned, and Takaya pronounced it boring. He himself sang a few dirty songs he had learned as a delinquent, and Naoe found them very funny, though he tried to pretend to be scandalized.

"What do you suppose Kenshin would think," Takaya asked unsteadily, "if he saw us right now?"

"Hard to say. He was fond of sake himself, but he might disapprove. As I said earlier, it's inappropriate for a retainer to drink with his master."

"Is that why you won't go in onsens with me?"

"Yes."

Takaya awkwardly got to his feet, went to one of the beds, and plopped down on it. "Omigod, this bed is so comfortable. Naoe! You gotta come see how comfy this bed is."

Naoe started to stagger over, but said "I cannot lie in the same bed as my master. It's - "

"Inappropriate, yeah, whatever. Get down here, it's an order."

Naoe settled himself down next to Takaya, his head on one of the pillows. "It is comfortable."

"Right? I could totally go to sleep."

"Sleep if you wish. I'll watch over you."

"Do you like watching me sleep or something?"

"Yes."

"You're hopeless. Don't let me fall asleep. I feel good, I wanna stay awake."

"Takaya-san is drunk."

"So is Naoe."

"True."

They both giggled tipsily. Takaya turned onto his side to face Naoe, and Naoe did the same. It reminded Naoe of his sad childhood, the sleepovers with friends he never had.

"What was so great about Kagetora anyway?" Takaya asked, insecurity showing through his drunken defiance.

"Everything. His poise, his character, his voice, his looks, every word he said. He is perfect."

"Is? Ha. I'm nowhere near perfect."

"It is your faults that make you human, and therefore able to be loved. That makes you perfect to me." Naoe smiled. "I remember watching the way your hands moved during strategy meetings. I was spellbound."

"So you've felt this way that long? Even when we were alive." Naoe nodded, and Takaya scoffed. "You should have told Kagetora then."

"I could not do such a thing. Kenshin-kou was very protective, and Kagetora-sama already received enough unwanted attention."

"But who knows? He might've been into you."

Naoe shook his head, and sighed. "We were not on an equal social footing. It would not have been permitted."

"Oh, Naoe," Takaya said sadly. "It's not fair. For four hundred years you've carried this. And Kagetora was like a painting kept out of your reach."

"I can reach out to Takaya-san, at least." Hesitantly, Naoe extended a hand toward Takaya and stroked his cheek.

Surprising himself, Takaya closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. Naoe's fingers were cool against his hot face, and he could not remember ever being touched with such affection. Starved for affection and with lowered inhibitions, Takaya edged closer to Naoe, and the hand on his cheek shifted to smooth back his mussed hair. Drunkenly, Takaya now realized why dogs like being pet - it felt so good.

"Takaya-san..."

"You feel nice."

"You too..."

Takaya felt Naoe come closer to him, felt the man's breathing on his face. Naoe's nose brushed against Takaya's, and all at once their lips were together, chastely at first, then tasting each other with mouths and tongues. Takaya moaned softly, a questioning sound, and Naoe's arm reached around him to caress the nape of his neck. Takaya's hands found Naoe's shirt and fisted it - whether to keep him close or stop him getting any nearer, Takaya couldn't have answered. He felt blissfully removed from all questions and concerns, a state of mind that couldn't last, but all he cared about was how this felt, which was _wonderful_. Takaya had never been kissed like this, not been kissed at all except for a couple girls in junior high, and he had no idea it could feel so amazing.

Naoe's arm was drawing him closer, and Takaya let it. The kiss continued, and now Naoe's hand was stroking the bare part of his arm, up and down, leaving goosbumps in the fingers' wake. Takaya grabbed Naoe's shoulder and squeezed it, fearing he would float away if he didn't hold on to something.

"Takaya-san."

"I like it when you say my name."

"Takaya-san, Takaya-san."

Naoe's lips left Takaya's and slowly made their way down Takaya's jaw and to his neck, kissing every spot they moved over. Naoe sucked gently at the sensitive skin of Takaya's neck, and tilted his head back for better access. He was careful not to mark the skin, finding it too silky and beautiful to mar. Meanwhile, his hands were busy pushing Takaya's T-shirt up as high as he could, exposing the fair skin and feeling the muscles of his tight stomach and chest.

"Naoe..."

Naoe went further down, running his hands up and down Takaya's sides as he tasted more of the tempting flesh. Takaya, he found, tasted very clean, and fresh, like a drink from a pure stream. Naoe teased one of the nipples with his fingers and latched onto the other with his mouth, swirling his tongue around the hardening nub and sucking it hard. Takaya, breathing in gasps, said something incomprenhensible. It wasn't "Stop", and that was all Naoe needed for the moment. He gave the same treatment to the other nipple, leaving them wet and hard for his fingers to play with.

But he wasn't done, not by a long shot. He kissed Takaya again, pleased to find the mouth eagerly opening for him, and busied his hands opening the zipper of Takaya's jeans. Takaya moaned the same questioning sound as before, and Naoe was eager to show him the fun that could be had with this part of the body.

Amidst his pleasure-induced haze, Takaya was getting nervous. He knew it was odd, but he had only masturbated a few times in his life. He just didn't get turned on like he was now, and the few times he had tried, warning bells went off in his head.

Like they were starting to do now. And helpful as always, Kagetora was behind them, saying _Not safe, not safe. Get away._

_Shut up, Kagetora_, Takaya thought, but the damage was done, the haze was starting to lift. Naoe had pulled his pants and boxers down and was gently kneading the hardening flesh there.

Between his heaving breaths, Takaya gasped "Naoe...no..."

"I can make you feel so good, let me make you feel good..."

"No..."

Takaya tried half-heartedly to push him away, but Naoe was on the move again, kissing his way down Takaya's body. He took Takaya into his mouth as solemnly and reverently as a priest receiving communion. Takaya wasn't prepared for how good it would feel, and he let out a loud cry. "He said "No" again as well, but slid his hand into Naoe's smooth hair as the mouth played with him. It was sucking him sklillfully, tongue teasing the slit, lips wrapped tightly around his aching cock.

He was close to coming, he could feel it. "Naoe, no...I'm gonna..."

Naoe only sucked harder in response.

"No...no...not safe...agh!"

Takaya came hard, like a wave crashing over him and chilling his whole body. Naoe eagerly drank the fluid that came out of him, licking him clean when he finished spurting. Naoe came back up and kissed him again, and although the warning alarm was still going, he figured it was only fair to make Naoe come as well. He put his hand inside Naoe's pants, but the man took it out, kissed it, and looked at him with fire in his eyes.

"Takaya-san, let me show you more." He had never seen Naoe look so happy, so he didn't protest.

Naoe tugged his jeans lower, until his bottom was exposed to the cool air. He then wet his finger in his mouth, put it behind Takaya, and gently began to finger him in a place he had never imagined being touched.

_Not safe! Not safe, run!_

Kagetora sounded frantic, which alarmed Takaya. The warning bell was blaring, so much so that it made him squint, and he grabbed Naoe by the shirt.

"Naoe, no."

"You'll like it, I promise."

The finger slipped inside, and it was uncomfortable, bordering on pain. Naoe tried to kiss him again, but Takaya dodged his mouth and said it again.

"Naoe, no. Stop."

"Takaya-san, it's all right, let me show you."

_It's not all right, not safe!_

Takaya reached back and tried to pull Naoe's finger out of him. Before he could, Naoe's free hand seized both his wrists and held them tightly between the two bodies. The finger edged deeper, and Takaya couldn't do a thing about it, because Naoe was restraining him. The warning bell deafened him, and stoic Kagetora was hysterical.

_NOT SAFE NOT SAFE!_

Takaya fought, but Naoe was physically stronger, and held the boy's wrists tightly. So Takaya thrashed as best he could, and tried to shift Naoe's hand off of him, out of him. Naoe slipped the finger deeper, it was a battle he was winning.

_NOT SAFE NOT SAFE!_

A flash came, the sickly light of the red moon, the sensation of excruciating pain. Takaya screamed, a sound so animal and primal that Naoe released him and edged back from the boy in shock.

"Takaya...san?"

The boy turned his face into a pillow and began to cry softly. _Kagetora, what's wrong with you?What soul-sickness have you passed on to me?_

Naoe's had returned to his cheek and wiped the tears it found there. "Takaya-san," he said emotionally, "I'm so sorry."

"Four hundred years...of build-up. Right?"

"That's no excuse."

"No, it's not."

"Please forgive me. I had thought you were enjoying it."

"Up to a point, I was," Takaya nearly sobbed. "That's the worst part. I liked being touched by you, but Kagetora won't let me."

"Takaya-san." Naoe stroked strands of hair back from the wet face.

"I saw the red moon again, the dark water. Something happened in Odawara, something terrible."

"We will figure it out. You are not alone, Takaya- san."

Sniffling softly, Takaya pulled his shirt down and re-fastened his jeans. Naoe handed him a tissue, and the boy sat up and wiped his face.

"Odawara..."

"I will take you there, if you wish. If you feel the answer is there."

"God. What could have happened to Kagetora?" A possibility occurred to Takaya, but it was too terrible to contemplate.

"Takaya-san, may I hold you? Just for a little while?"

Takaya nodded, and Naoe's arms enfolded him like the wings of a great bird. They lay down in silence, Naoe's hands rubbing his back, Takaya clinging to his arm. Takaya thought about what they had done up to the point Kagetora intervened, and how he felt toward the man who was holding him so protectively. The answer was devastating, as love always is.

_mobmobmob_

The next morning, Naoe ordered breakfast for them and excused himself to take a shower. He came out fully dressed, expecting to find Takaya munching toast and urging him to hurry so they could leave. Instead he found a note next to the untouched room service tray.

**Naoe, I have to go to Odawara alone. I'm sorry, but Kagetora is my problem, and I have to find the answer myself. I'm sorry. Takaya.**

Naoe dropped the towel he was holding. Takaya gone. Takaya going to Odawara, unprotected, where the Hojo could get their greedy hands on him. Takaya gone, after last night's breakthrough, with no chance to make things right between them.

"Damn it."

Naoe grabbed his cell phone and dialed Haruie. He would need help locating Takaya, so the other Yashashuu had to be notified.

_Takaya-san, I know now that at least part of you wants me as I want you. I'm not giving up on that. Don't give up on me._

_mobmobmob_

Takaya was miserable all through the train ride to Odawara. He couldn't stop thinking about Naoe, how worried he would be. And about the night before, how good Naoe had felt. He had to admit to himself that he had feelings for Naoe, and for someone who'd never had these feelings for _anyone_, it was disconcerting.

_So does this make me gay? Naoe would say that they didn't make such distinctions in our time, so it doesn't matter. How did this even happen? How, so fast?_

Except he knew it wasn't as sudden as it seemed. In his memory of Kenshin's garden, he had wanted Naoe to touch him. Whatever this was, it was long-suppressed. Not new.

_Naoe..._

He missed the man already, missed his soothing presence and gentle hands, his smile and the way he said "Takaya-san".

_I can't tell him how I feel yet. Not until I have Kagetora sorted out. And Naoe definitely won't approve of the method I'm using. But I still wish he was here._

The train pulled into the station on time, and Takaya caught a cab that drove into the nearest town. The address Takaya had given him from the business card turned out to be a large white house that sprawled right up to the beach. The familiar water stirred old feelings of home within him, and Takaya had to tear his gaze away from it to ring the doorbell.

Takada Hiro answered the door with an expression of delight on his face. "Saburo! I'm so happy to see you! Come in, come in!"

He was ushered inside and taken to a room that overlooked the ocean, and a servant was quickly dispatched to make tea. Takaya endured a long hug that the elder man seemed unable to hold back, and sat down in a comfortable leather chair across from his host.

"Saburo, I've been praying for your safe return. You're here to stay, right?"

"Not exactly. Ujiteru-ani..." Takaya looked at him resolutely. "I need to talk to you."

**To be continued.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Update, finally! I hope a person or two is still reading this. There will probably only be a couple more chapters, so I'll do my best to get them to you quickly.**

**Warning - this chapter contains completely expected non-con. No infringement intended, Kuwabara Mizuna owns all the hot eye candy.**

**PENDULUM  
**_Chapter 9 - Infortunatus Astrum_

"You lost Kagetora?!"

Haruie's shriek was so shrill, Naoe had to take the phone away from his ear, wincing.

"I didn't mean to! As I said, he snuck out while I was in the shower!"

"But why would he run away? Did you do something?"

"Well, we were...a bit intimate last night."

"You fucked Kagetora?"

"No! It didn't go that far. But I imagine he's confused."

Haruie sighed. "Kagetora was never good at being touched."

"Unless he's getting hit," a wry voice said from behind Haruie.

"Nagahide, you're supposed to be diving the master's location."

"Yeah, yeah, I did. No trick, he's really heading in the direction of Odawara. Once a Hojo, always a - "

Chiaki left off there, and there was the distinct sound of him being hit. Naoe smiled grimly.

"I'm heading to Odawara, I suggest you do the same. Damn, I wish I could remember the names of those brothers. I'll try contacting the historical society for an address. I'll call you en route if I find anything."

"Okay. And Naoe?"

"Yes?"

"It might be early to say it, but I'm happy for you."

Naoe smiled sadly.

_mobmobmob_

Takada Hiro took a sip of tea, then sat back in his chair. His good-natured face, so like the one Takaya remembered from long ago, had an expression of deep thought on it. He was clearly considering Takaya's question very seriously.

"Something bad that happened to Saburo?"

Takaya nodded.

"May I ask, how much do you remember?"

"Not much, only flashes. But I've read about him. About...me."

"Then you must know it was a hard life from the beginning. Being sent as a hostage multiple times, living away from home and family, losing loved ones, dying young. Take your pick."

"This is something else," Takaya insisted. "I'm not sure what, but it happened here in Odawara."

"Here at home? Then I'm not sure what it can be. You were always loved here, even by the servants."

"I always thought Kagetora was moody."

"Oh no, you were a delightful child, always chasing butterflies." Ujiteru frowned. "Well, you did go through a rough time as a teenager."

"What happened?"

"One day, early, you turned up in the gardens after being missing all night, looking like you'd been in a fight. After that, for a few weeks you were all temper tantrums and drinking too much. I kept asking what was wrong, but you insisted it was nothing. And eventually you went back to your old self. Father and I tried to talk to you, but you would never explain."

Takaya sat still, absorbing all this. He remembered paper flying, screens being torn in his rage. But rage over what? _Kagetora, what happened?_ Typically, there was no answer.

"The only thing I can remember is the red moon. It made the sand all bloody."

"There was a red moon the night you were missing. Come, let's walk on the sand. Maybe it will help."  
With some reluctance (fear, really, but Takaya refused to acknowledge it), he followed Ujiteru outside onto the beach. It was a calm day, the waves soft and quiet, and beautiful with a blue sky. But the place filled Takaya with dread. He kept looking to see if someone was behind him, and he felt a swirl of nausea in his stomach.

"Anything?"

"Just a bad feeling."

Ujiteru turned from the waves to look at him, and seemed sad. "Saburo. You've only come here to chase this memory, haven't you?"

For a moment, Takaya genuinely felt bad. "Yes. I have to know, it's the only way I can continue with my life."

"Why not continue it with us, your true family?"

"You threw me away!" Takaya said with sudden, old anger. "Father threw me away!"

"No, we hated sending you away! You should have seen how angry Father was when Ujimasa broke the treaty. We always loved you, were always waiting for the day you'd come home. We were heartbroken that you chose Kenshin over us."

Takaya closed his eyes, as if it were all too much to bear. The nostalgia, the fear, the pleading love in his brother's eyes. He would never have admitted it, but he wanted Naoe, badly.

"Saburo. You've been through so much. Why not come back to us, your birth family? We have so much lost time to make up for. Let the Feudal Underworld go for a while, and see the allies we could be to you."

Somewhere in his memory, the high, pure voice of a flute was sounding. Bigger hands were showing him how to draw a bow, how to hold his sword. Ujiteru was holding out a hand toward him, and just before he touched it -

_Kagetora._

Kenshin's voice was loud in his mind, not a memory but a real communication. The tone was stern but loving, as Kenshin had always been. Kenshin, who'd taught him what family was really about.

Takaya snatched his hand away. "I'm not a Hojo anymore! I'm an Uesugi!"

"Saburo..."

"I'm not letting you join the Feudal Underworld. I'd rather exorcise you right now."

"Saburo, you can't mean that."

Takaya smiled grimly. "Try me."

Ujiteru looked at something behind him and nodded. Before Takaya could turn around, there was sudden pressure at the base of his skull. He dropped to the sand, and after that all was darkness.

_mobmobmob_

It was a dream again. He knew because he was small, and nervous, and even though he was a child with all the movement around him, his escort preparing to leave, he wasn't distracted. He was trying to put on a brave face, even though he felt like crying.

"Don't worry, Ujihide." Ujiteru's voice, Ujiteru's sad face. "Takada Shingen has promised to treat you like one of his own sons."

Another man was there, tall and noble in his bearing, with kind eyes. Hojo Ujihide, who would someday be Uesugi Kagetora, looked into the face of his birth father and found a reassuring smile. Ujiyasu clapped a hand on his son's small shoulder.

"You will represent all the Hojo where you are going. Make us proud."

"I will, Father."

Everything shifted, like it was about to fade, and suddenly Takaya was bodily there, watching the little boy bravely go off with a troop of soldiers. Kagetora stood next to him, long hair blowing in the breeze, wearing a familiar blue kimono.

"It was much after this," the spectral figure said softly. "After I came back from the Takeda, and before I left for Echigo."

"What happened to us?" Takaya pleaded. "I need to know."

"Once you know, you will never be able to forget it. In your mind, it will be like it never stopped."

"I'll deal with that when it comes."

"It won't change anything. Knowledge alone never does."

"It will change things. It will help explain what's wrong with me."

Kagetora cast his gaze downward, then locked onto his future self with a haunted expression. His eyes were amber, like Takaya's - tiger eyes.

"Very well."

_mobmobmob_

Instead of the revelation he expected, Takaya opened his eyes. His head ached dully, and his sight was fuzzy at first. An unfamiliar room came slowly into focus. It was a plainly furnished bedroom, and the bed was comfortable. Would have been, at least, were he not handcuffed to the bedframe and his feet tied to the lower bedposts.

_I was talking to Ujiteru...then something hit me. Great, this is just great..._

Takaya whispered an incantation Naoe had taught him, but the cuffs didn't even rattle. They felt heavier than normal handcuffs, possibly weighted down with magic.

_Guess I'm not going anywhere._

Takaya sighed, and forced himself to think. _I'll have to pretend to switch to their side, and slip away when I get a chance. Ujiteru will want to believe me, so that might be enough to convince him._

He heard voices outside and prepared himself to act, but it wasn't Ujiteru who came in. It was Ujimasa, and the sight of him made Takaya's insides lurch.

"I hope you're not uncomfortable," he said, not really sounding like he much cared. "You threatened to exorcise us, so Kotarou had to put you to sleep."

"Kotarou?"

"A ninja of the Fuuma clan, who is serving us."

"No shame in getting taken down by a ninja, I guess," Takaya scoffed. "So what's the plan, keep me tied up until I cooperate?"

"That's one possibility. Ujiteru seems to think he can change your mind. I'm not so sure."

Takaya smiled grimly. "I know you don't like me. So why not kill me now?"

Ujimasa took something circular and flashing from his robes and placed it on top of the dresser. "Killing you would only force your soul to possess someone else. I think it would be more useful to harness your powers and use them to our advantage."

"Won't you need my cooperation for that?"

"Not necessarily. I've promised Ujiteru to leave that for the last resort, however, and try to persuade you. So what can I say that will sway your loyalties?"

"Nothing. I'm an Uesugi."

"The Uesugi betrayed you. Kagekatsu drove you to your death."

After four hundred years, the truth of that still hurt a little. "It was war. Death is part of war. And I still care about him, regardless of what he may feel about me."

"Kenshin left you in a terrible situation."

"Yeah, but he loved me, which is more than you ever did."

Ujimasa smiled coldly. "True, I don't have the attachment to you Ujiteru does, but I'm still your brother. I'd prefer to convince you."

"Not gonna happen. My subordinates will find me, and then you're all getting exorcised."

"Perhaps. Until then, I'll take this chance to observe you while you're helpless. I suppose you've guessed that the cuffs block your powers."

Takaya laughed shortly. "Yeah, you must be really scared of me."

"Common sense. Uesugi Kagetora's powers are said to be unmatched in all the Feudal Underworld. And I see you've kept your human powers as well."

"What human powers?"

Ujimasa was looking at him strangely. "To draw people close to you. To un-man the strongest men. That must have come in handy in Echigo."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Ujimasa sat down on the bed beside him, and looked down with cold eyes. "What did you let Kenehsin do to gain his favor? How many men did you allow to touch you in his realm?"

"_What_?!" Rage burned its way through Takaya, coloring his face. "No one! Nothing!"

"I don't believe you. Not knowing the effect you have."

Ujimasa laid a hand on his cheek and leaned in close. Takaya jerked away and rattled the handcuffs wildly.

"You sick freak! I'm your _brother_!"

"Not in this body. Though it's amazing how much you look like him."

Ujimasa slipped a hand beneath Takaya's T-shirt and stroked his stomach and chest. Takaya wiggled as best he could, trying to throw it off, but without much luck. Lips neared his, and when he turned away in disgust the mouth gently latched onto his neck.

"Get off me, you fucking perv!"

"Come now, I only want what you've let so many take."

"I _haven't_!" He wanted Naoe, more than he had ever wanted anything.

"Be good for your niisan."

The exploring hand lowered and unzipped his jeans, and kneaded the soft flesh it found there. Hot tears burned Takaya's eyes, and he tried to blink them away, not wanting to give Ujimasa the satisfaction. They rolled down his cheeks anyway, and he thrashed until the bedframe groaned beneath him.

_Not safe!_

_You're telling me, Kagetora._

_Just like..._

_Just like what?_

_Just like that time._

Memory swept over him like a crashing wave, and he was somewhere else. The door had opened.

_mobmobmob_

The night was cool and bright, inviting weather for a late-night walk. Fifteen-year-old Hojo Saburo felt no intimation that anything was wrong; rather, he was excited to see whatever his retainers were planning to show him. Even the blood-red moon on the sand didn't seem ominous, and it was rather pretty against the dark sky.

Matsuda Takahide and Matsuda Katsuhide walked in front, two brothers who had served the Hojo family all their lives. Lately they had had some kind of falling out with Ujimasa, but apparently they weren't letting that cloud their fondness for Saburo. Behind walked two retainers whose names Saburo couldn't remember, and Sato, a servant he was very fond of. Sato had taken care of him as a small child, and been Saburo's guard since he was a baby. They had said there was something on the beach they wanted to show him, and they had all awlaked a long way, out of the sight or sound of any human beings.

"Are we nearly there?" Saburo asked excitedly.

"Very nearly."

They walked a little way further, moving down the rocky beach until the sand beneath them was hard and damp. The waves crashing nearby nearly drowned out their voices, and they had to almost shout to be heard.

"I don't see anything," Saburo called out.

Takahide turned to face him, and smiled. "What we want to show you can't be seen."

The others stopped, and formed a circle around the boy, as though they were going to play Kagome Kagome and Saburo was the oni. He turned around and around, looking for an explanation, and the circle closed in tighter. Katsuhide put his hand on the boy's shoulder, but the expression on his face was strange. It was one Saburo knew, one he was only just learning to be afraid of.

"Katsuhide?"

Someone tugged at his belt and yanked it free. Saburo struggled, but it was no good going up against so many hands working together. In no time his yukata was stripped off, and then he was being held still while someone tore off his loincloth.

"What are you doing?! Stop!"

They all laughed softly once he was naked. The boy was pushed down onto the sand, and the red moon bloodied the wet sand against his back. His hands and legs were restrained (so many hands) and fingers slipped between his thighs, touching what no one else had dared to touch before.

"Not turned on? We'll soon fix that."

A mouth closed over him, hot and wet and sucking him hard. Above him, faces leered, and his remaining observers were stroking themselves, looking down at Saburo as he began to cry.

"Ujiteru-ani! Someone!" But they were too far away from the castle, and the waves were too loud.

It was as though everything had become unreal, yet much more intense than before. Far away, the light of dead stars was like a hundred thousand pinpricks boring into him, the wetness on his skin burned like pain, and he could hear his tormentors' every whisper, despite the sound of the water. Cold fingers were pushing their way inside him, touching something that made his muscles seize up. He looked pleadingly at Sato, his caretaker for as long as he could remember.

"Sato, please..."

The man only smiled. "I've been wanting to do this a long time."

Katsuhide sat up and licked his lips. "Looks like he needs a little more stimulation. Sato, as agreed. Oldest goes first."

Saburo clapped his legs together, but the man managed to pull them apart, and pushed them upward and back so they nearly came to the boy's shoulders.

The night exploded in a sea of white-hot pain when the first entered him.

"Well? How is he?"

"Gods, I've never felt anything so tight," Sato groaned. "He's perfect."

"As we expected. Perfect little Saburo."

The man was going as slow as he could manage, to make the experience last longer, but each measured thrust tore deeper into the boy. The blood that broke free and dripped out of him provided some relief, some lubrication, but the pain was terrible, and the occasional stab of pleasure from his prostate was nothing in comparison. His tears were nearly blinding Saburo, and from his throat came a low whining, like a small animal caught in a trap.

There was a surge of wet heat, and Sato moved away, smiling and gasping for breath. Takahide approached, and gave the boy little time to prepare before he started to enter.

"Damn, he's almost squeezing me out. You've really never done this before, have you?"

_Of course not!_ If this was what sex was, so much pain and so little warmth, Saburo resolved that he never wanted any part of it, ever.

"Be a good boy for us, Saburo, and we'll make it nice for you too."

Takahide's thrusts were harder than Sato's, mercilessly driving at that strange place inside that shot adrenaline through the boy's aching body. Takahide took Saburo's limp cock in hand, and to the boy's horror, it slowly began to swell.

_What's happening to me?_

"Please...please stop..."

"Stop? We're just getting started."

"Why...are you doing this?"

"Your brother dishonored us. Though..." Takahide smiled coolly. "That's just an excuse for taking what we always wanted."

It was a little easier than it had been with Sato, now that there was semen and a continuing flow of blood lubricating his passage. But the pain remained, glowing like iron in a fire with each thrust, and with each thrust, Saburo felt dirtier, more worthless, like he was never loved and never would be. He wanted his kind father, he wanted Ujiteru. Even Ujimasa would be fine, anyone who would make this stop.

Matsuhide took his brother's place, and gently stroked Saburo's hair back first, as though he meant to be kind. "Beautiful Saburo-dono. Let me have you willingly, and I'll show you how good it can be."

In reply, the boy spat in his face, and was slapped so hard that everything momentarily went fuzzy. Matsuhide was inside before he knew it, moving slowly, and he was nuzzling the skin of the boy's chest and neck with his mouth. He gently stroked the flagging flesh between Saburo's legs, and against the boy's will it hardened again. The pain had begun to recede now that the thrusts were slower, and though it remained there was a dizzying feeling in its wake, a terrible cousin to pleasure. Somehow, this offended Saburo more than anything else that had been done.

"You'll all die for this! I'll tell my brothers!"

"No, you won't." Breathing hard, Matsuhide laughed. "You'll be too ashamed to tell anyone."

And deep down, Saburo knew he was right. He would never be able to speak of this. What words were big enough to hold such horror?

"C'mon, tell me how much you really like this," Matsuhide hummed. "You were made to give pleasure to men, why else would you affect us like you do?"

"I'm...cursed," Saburo cried, not meaning to speak aloud.

"Maybe you are. The Hojo brothers were meant to be seven, lucky seven, the seven stars of the Pleiades. You are the unfortunate eighth star of the Hojo line."

Something unfamiliar was building, something like a wave getting ready to crash. It was much stronger than anything Saburo had ever felt, like a bowl of water being shaken until the contents spilled. Into Matsuhide's jerking hand, he erupted with a howl of shame and misery. Matsuhide came too and rested on top of the boy for a moment, kissing him for a dazed few seconds before Saburo turned away.

"Didn't I tell you it would be nice? You liked it. What a demon-whore you are, Saburo-chan," the man said cockily.

_Whore. Demon._ His own ejaculate and others' stained his bruised thighs. The unnamed pair approached, and they turned him over so he was on his hands and knees. When the first of them pressed inside, Saburo hardly felt it. _Whore. Demon. Unworthy of love._

It went on for hours. They all took a second turn, and a third. They seemed unwilling to let the rape end, and once Saburo was spent and boneless from pain and sadness, they amused themselves by touching him all over and trying with their mouths to make him come again. Their jeers and insults, their insistence that his looks made him deserve this, never stopped. When they left at last, at least one of Saburo's wishes was granted - he never saw any of them again. The disappearance of a few retainers and servants was never linked to Saburo going missing.

When they were gone, the boy lay still for a long time, feeling too miserable and hurting too much to move. It wasn't until close to dawn that he found the strength to crawl, and that was mostly because he couldn't stand having his rapists' come on him another moment. He made it to the water and slowly, painfully, washed himself off in the cool waves, wincing at the sting of salt water but finding it cleansing. Saburo put on his yukata and slowly limped back, making his way as far as Ujimasa's garden before he had to stop and lean on a fence post. His favorite brother happened to be in the garden, and he leaped up happily when he saw the boy.

"Saburo! I was so worried!"

Home. Ujiteru. Safety. But it would never be the same again.

_mobmobmob_

The memory came and was gone in seconds, and in no time Takaya was back, still tied to a bed and being groped by his eldest brother. The combination of the past and the present was too much, and the boy began to wail, a sound so panicked and hysterical that Ujimasa moved away in fright. By the time Ujiteru burst open the door, the bed was rising off the floor and the whole house was shaking.

"Niisan, what's wrong with him? Saburo, what is it?"

"His powers are too strong!" Ujimasa yelled. "We've got to use it!"

"Niisan, no!"

"He'll destroy us and himself! It has to be done!"

The handcuffs fell to pieces around his wrists. Still screaming, Takaya sat up. Ujimasa flashed something reflective at him, and Takaya fell back, still and silent.

He was no longer in his body.

**To be continued.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello, all of you who are still reading this! I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long. Between writer's block, endless doctor appointments, and my new obsession with the Takumi-kun series (YouTube it, you'll thank me), writing just hasn't been getting done. I'm happy to be able to offer this update in honor of the coming holidays. Maybe if I'm really lucky I'll have another chapter by Christmas, but if not, please consider this my Christmas update.**

**We last left Takaya with the Hojo and Naoe frantic to get him back. Let's get back to them. As always, Kuwabara Mizuna owns these people, though I'd happily steal them if I could. :)**

**PENDULUM  
**_Chapter 10 - With Muffled Drum_

Naoe gripped the steering wheel as he drove, so tightly that his fingers had long ago gone numb. The historical society in Matsumoto had accepted his excuse of wanting to purchase the Kagetora painting, had seen no reason to doubt a monk. They had given him the address without delay, and he had set off, leaving word with Ayako to follow the next day. Naoe wasn't sure what he'd be facing, but figured having back-up wouldn't hurt.

It was dark by the time he reached Odawara, and he couldn't help wondering where Takaya was, if he was safe. Naoe was fairly sure his brothers wouldn't hurt him, but what if the allure of family proved too strong for Takaya? What if he joined them?

_Stop. This is Kagetora, after all. He is an Uesugi as much as Lord Kenshin is._ Naoe sighed. _And therein lies the real danger. Kagetora is a threat to the Hojo. They'll want to subdue him one way or another._

To Naoe's surprise, the mansion he pulled up to had its gate left wide open, as though he were expected. As he headed up the long driveway, he could see a silhouetted figure standing in the shadows of the outdoor lamps. He turned off the car and got out, and as he approached the figure, it also came toward him. He easily recognized the man who had hugged Takaya, who had begged him to come home.

"Naoe Nobutsuna." The man's features were tight with sadness. "Perhaps you remember me. I am Hojo Ujiteru, Saburo Kagetora's older brother."

"Where is he?"

"With us. Safe. You must understand that I only want what is best for Saburo."

"What's best?" Naoe scoffed. "You want to use him as a pawn for your family's ambition, like you always have."

"We were cruel to send Saburo away so many times, it's true. Believe me, I never wanted him to go. I wanted us to stand together, fight as brothers."

"And now you plan to use him again, use his tremendous power to fight in the Feudal Underworld. I won't allow it, and neither will Kagetora-sama!"

Ujiteru sighed heavily. "Saburo has said as much. I am hoping he'll change his mind."

"I demand to see him."

"Of course. Come with me."

_mobmobmob_

Ayako paced the small living room of her apartment, wearing out the tatami mats with the force of her bare feet. As much as she tried to distract herself while waiting for Naoe to call, nothing could hold her worried attention. A psychology textbook lay half-open on one mat, a discarded smutty yaoi manga on another.

_If I haven't heard anything by dawn, I'm heading to Odawara. But why doesn't Naoe call? To say everything's okay, if nothing else? If everything _is_ okay, I'll kill him for stressing me. If not, then..._

So much had changed. Over the course of four hundred years, that was inevitable, but for most of their history, they had all fulfilled the same roles. Kagetora the emotionless leader, Naoe the fool for unrequited love, Haruie the jesting comrade, Nagahide the sarcastic back-up. There was a chance now, finally, that a change could be made. Kagetora's heart was softening toward Naoe at last...or had it been for centuries, and he just hadn't let anyone see it?

Despite the frustration his amnesia sometimes caused, Takaya had been a miracle for the Yashashuu. Here was a Kagetora who felt openly, who wore his damaged heart on his sleeve. A Kagetora Ayako could fuss over, who let Naoe close to him, who even seemed to be friends with Nagahide at last, or at least getting there. Naoe said Takaya was what Kagetora would have been had the Otate no Ran never happened, and Ayako believed it. For all his powerful charisma, Kagetora had always kept everyone around him at a distance. Takaya let people in, maybe reluctantly, maybe despite himself, but still. Ayako felt closer to Kagetora now than she ever had in four hundred years. And never had she adored him more.

"Haruie."

"Kagetora!" Ayako exclaimed happily, and turned around, her mouth dropping at what she saw.

There, in her full-length mirror, was Kagetora, not a reflection of him but the actual person, looking solemnly out at her from beneath the glass. Ayako ran to it and clutched the wooden frame - the closest she could manage to a hug.

"Takaya! What's happened? Why are you in a mirror?"

"My brothers have trapped me in the Tsutsuga mirror."

Lightning-quick, Ayako recalled the legend of the holy Tsutsuga mirrors. The female mirror, if gazed directly upon, absorbed the soul of the looker in a death-like world. The male mirror, if shined upon its counterpart, released the souls held within. They were relics that used to be housed at separate shrines. Clearly, the Hojo now had possession of them.

"What? But why?"

Kagetora looked mirthless as he formed a tight smile. "Because I would not cooperate, and they had no other way to control me."

"Have you seen Naoe?"

"Not yet, but I sense him coming. Haruie, he is going to need your help, yours and Nagahide's. Tell him what I have said, and both of you head to Odawara. Did Naoe tell you the address?"

"Yes. Oh, Kagetora," Ayako moaned, "how are we going to get you out?"

"You'll need the male Tsutsuga mirror. It's being protected by a ninja of the Fuuma clan called Kotarou. I think it's somewhere in or near the Hakone shrine."

"Okay!" Ayako said, happy to be given something to do. "Then we just have to make sure Naoe doesn't take on the whole Hojo clan by himself for doing this to you."

Takaya - Kagetora - shifted uncomfortably.

"Kagetora, he really loves you. Whatever you decide, always keep that in mind, okay?"

A slight smile, very slight, and Takaya's image faded away. Having said what she wanted to say, Ayako was left looking at her reflection, and a smile of her own.

_mobmobmob_

A cloudless blue sky had lately been haunting his dreams, the kind you remember from the most innocent days of your childhood. And he was innocent, this tower of a good-nature-faced youth sparring with his adopted brother. He had in his heart only thoughts of protecting the snowy land of Echigo, and was guileless of the later, darker feelings that would cause him to fight his brother for lordship of this land.

Yuzuru watched this young man spar, feeling an inexpressible tie to him, as if they were one person wearing different clothes. He knew this man, Kagekatsu, was a good one, who loved his people and was protective of his Hojo-born adoptive brother. Yuzuru knew that Kagekatsu brought something soft and human out of the cool Kagetora, much like he himself was able to evoke warmth in Takaya. Yuzuru also knew that one day Kagekatsu would fight his brother and call him a traitor, then spend the rest of his life hating himself for it.

As he watched the boys spar with wooden swords, Yuzuru sensed someone beside him, and turned to find a familiar face, a smiling man who sometimes turned up in his dreams. He wore plain robes, had a kind face, and somehow Yuzuru knew this was the famous Kenshin.

"Kiheiji," the man said lovingly, "you must forgive yourself for the past. You protect your brother now as you once did, and you do it well. Let that be enough."

"I-I don't know what you mean."

"I think, my son, that you have another reason for fearing Takaya will disappear beneath Kagetora. You fear Kagetora has not forgiven you."

Yuzuru felt a tightness in his chest at these words. He seemed to be drowning, a swimmer unable to break the water's surface.

"He has, my son. Don't worry." Kenshin bowed his head, always seeming to look beyond what his eyes stared at. "But your brother needs you now."

"Takaya? Is he in trouble?"

"He has been trapped by the Hojo, who fear and covet his strength. I did not intend for you to have to use your power yet, but you may have to, if you are going to help Kagetora."

"I can control it! I can, for Takaya."

"Nagahide knows where he may be found. Go to him, Kiheiji, without delay."

Yuzuru woke up gasping, laying in a streak of moonlight that fell over his bed.

_A dream. But Takaya needs me, I can feel it!_

Yuzuru leaped out of bed and dressed in the cool dark. Quietly, so as not to disturb his parents, he grabbed his cell phone and dialed Chiaki's number.

_mobmobmob_

Naoe had been prepared to find Takaya locked up, chained to a wall, tied to a chair. Anything but what he found.

In the small shrine behind the main house, the walls were lit up by soft, warm candlelight. Scroll paintings and copies of sacred texts decorated the tatami room, and in its center, laying still on a neat futon, was Takaya, the current body of Uesugi Kagetora. He had been dressed in a long white robe and placed so he would be as comfortable as possible - no doubt Ujiteru's doing. He looked almost like he was asleep, but Naoe knew better. Takaya never slept in this position, and never so peacefully.

"What have you done to him?" Naoe whispered.

"Saburo's soul has been put into the Tsutsuga mirror for safekeeping." Ujiteru stood behind Naoe as he spoke, with Fuuma Kotarou beside him. "His body is not dead yet. It should last another three days or so."

"And you claim to care for your brother," Naoe choked out.

"I am Saburo's brother, not this body's. When Saburo's temper has cooled, he will be given a new body, one that will not..."

"What?"

"Attract so much attention," Ujiteru said quietly. "Don't you think Saburo would prefer that?"

"I think he would _prefer_ to be allowed to live his life as Ougi Takaya," Naoe growled. "It is a life that means as much as Kagetora's ever did!"

"Do you think Saburo is happy with you, Naoe-san? Happy to be reborn again and again without cleansing, to spend his days fighting a battle that never should have been his? What kind of father is Lord Kenshin, to use his son so?"

Naoe knelt down beside Takaya. He found he couldn't answer that.

"Perhaps the Uesugi were a better family to Saburo than we were. But we intend to make that up to him, no matter how many lifetimes it takes."

"He will never willingly return to you."

Ujiteru sighed. "We cannot allow him to be our enemy."

"You think I'll let you get away with this?"

"You have no choice. The Fuuma guard the male Tsutsuga mirror, and you know you are no match for them, or the united strength of the Hojo. Because Saburo cares for you, we will allow you to remain with his body until it dies. Call it a temporary truce."

Ujiteru turned away, as if the sight was too much for him to bear any longer, and left. After a moment of staring curiously at Naoe, Kotarou followed.

_mobmobmob_

"I still don't think we should be bringing Narita-kun," Chiaki said to the passenger's side window of his car.

Haruie, who was driving, shrugged. "We don't know what we're up against. We could use all the help we can get."

"His power is dangerous, and he's inexperienced at using it."

Yuzur pouted from the back seat. "Must you talk about me like I'm not here?"

"Sorry," Chiaki said, not sounding particularly remorseful.

"Anyway, I _can_ control this power. I can do anything, if it's to help Takaya."

"The brat. I'm gonna smack him for causing all this trouble."

"Chiaki, why do you dislike Takaya so much?" Yuzuru asked.

"For one thing, he's a Hojo, not an Uesugi - ow!" Both of the other passengers had hit him at the same time.

"You know better than that, Nagahide," Haruie said, putting her eyes back on the dark road. "Kagetora has proven himself to us thousands of times. It doesn't matter who he was born to. That doesn't define a person. His heart is with us, it always has been."

"Then why'd he go back to them, huh?"

"You know why. Takaya is chasing his memories."

"Ha. Running from Naoe, more like."

Yuzuru looked at the darkness surrounding his feet. He still felt a little out of place among Takaya's comrades, though deep down he also sensed that he belonged with them. Hesitantly, he spoke up.

"What exactly is the relationship between Naoe-san and Takaya?"

Haruie bit her lip. Yuzuru was one of them, even if only in an honorary position, so he should know. But he was so innocent, it was difficult to talk to him about these matters.

"It's complicated. Ever see 'Fatal Attraction'?" Chiaki asked.

"Huh?"

"It's like that."

"Stop it, Nagahide, it is not. It's...well..."

"I've heard you say that...Naoe-san is in love with him. Is it true?"

Chiaki laughed shortly. "Yeah. They're like a four hundred-year-long opera, those two. A hymn to unhealthy love."

"Takaya never mentioned anything to me about it."

"Kagetora was never comfortable with it," Haruie said, slowly turning the steering wheel. "If anything, Takaya is less so."

Yuzuru nodded slowly. "Takaya was never good at those sorts of things. He never had relationships, never seemed to like anybody. I always wondered what was wrong, but I was afraid to bring it up with him..."

"Yeah, the bakatora was like that too," Chiaki said. "Touch him and he'd leap three feet in the air."

"We never questioned it," Haruie said softly. "Maybe we should have. We left most things like that to Naoe. But I don't think he knows what's wrong either."

"Does Takaya?"

"Come to think of it, I don't think he does. He was asking me if something really bad ever happened to Kagetora."

Chiaki whistled. "Where do I begin?"

"I got the feeling it's something none of us know about, though."

"No wonder the baka is chasing his memories."

Yuzuru was lost in thought. His mind was with the dream-man who had spurred him onto this journey, and with that familiar-looking boy with the familiar name. Kiheiji. Yuzuru could almost remember being called that, answering to it, in a snowy land which time had swept away.

_mobmobmob_

"Our first meeting was not the stuff of dramas or destiny. I had no idea then what my life would become, how I'd waste it being your enemy."

Naoe, kneeling on the tatami floor, addressed the still form of Takaya. Though he knew he was speaking to an empty room, it was easy to imagine pale Kagetora vital and present, looking at him with that closed-off expression.

"You've never asked me why I supported Kagekatsu in the Otate no Ran. Maybe out of kindness, maybe because you knew already, though for a long time I hardly knew myself."

Naoe clenched his fists against the mat, so hard that stabs of pain went through his hands.

"It was cowardice, and selfishness. I was running from my feelings for you, trying so hard to pretend you were nothing to me. And...perhaps...because I couldn't have you, I made it so no one could. Forgive me, Kagetora-sama. Your life was worth so much more than what I made of it."

_Kagetora, against the still beauty of the garden. Kagetora, the most perfect thing in a beautiful world._ Tears spilled onto his knees.

"You deserved a long life with your wife and son. You deserved a brother who didn't suspect you of treason, and a court that didn't damn you summarily for your birth and your looks. Kagetora-sama, I'm so sorry. And Minako..."

_Radiant smile, hands intertwining. Peace on Kagetora's face at last._

"You deserved her too."

Naoe picked up one of Takaya's carefully folded hands, and found it cool to the touch. Slowly draining of life. He wrapped it in his own, as if he could force his own warmth into the dying body. He had done it so many times before while Takaya slept, after one exorcism too many or a battle gone wrong.

"I can't regret what I did to her, what I would do to anyone on this planet if it meant keeping you alive. But I am sorry for what I did to her before that. It was cruel and senseless, and though she forgave me, I will never expect you to."

_"You alone I will never forgive for all eternity."_

"I know. That was your favorite trick, your way of keeping me at a distance. I had always thought it was contempt for my lower position. Not until I got to know you as Takaya, until lately, did I realize you were afraid of me. Kagetora-sama, why are you afraid?"

No answer. The room's air seemed heavy with the releasing sorrow, the unanswered questions.

"Just recently...it seemed like we were finally getting somewhere. I thought my prayers had been answered. I hoped, I dreamed that someday you might love me, want me...and you let me touch you. After four hundred years, we were finally coming to an ideal existence. Is it all for nothing now?"

Holding back sobs, Naoe surged forward, pulling Takaya's limp form into his arms and cradling the slender body against his chest. He kissed the lips but found no life in them, hugged Takaya with no one here to shrug him off and look embarrassed.

"I love you. I will always love you. No matter what happens, I will find a way to you, and keep you forever. Even if you grow to hate me again, if you scream and cry, I will never let you go. If that's the only ideal existence I can have, I'll take it."

Someone was behind him, Naoe sensed it. He gently lay Takaya back down on the futon, rearranged his limbs into their previous positions. Only then did he turn to bow to Ujiteru, with Kotarou at his side.

"Such politeness, Naoe-san. Has grief overtaken your anger?"

"There is nothing I can do to make you release him, is there."

"Nothing."

"Then..." Naoe looked up, as resolute as he could be with tears in his eyes. "Put me in the mirror."

**To be continued. Uh-oh, Ammy-chan cliffhangered, didn't I? :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Finally! Broke my block and I am BACK. There will only be one more chapter after this, and I don't think it will take very long to write it. I hope you guys are still with me, and forgive me for my long absence.**

**A few warnings - the non-con of an earlier chapter is sort of continued here. You'll see what I mean, but be aware. Also, there is a battle scene, and I am not good at writing action, so sorry if it's not very good.**

**Kuwabara Mizuna owns MoB, I own my perverted fantasies about it. Lately they involve Kotarou the autistic ninja, who happily will be making an appearance in this chapter. :)**

**PENDULUM  
**_Chapter 11 - Ultimatum_

Ujiteru was silent for a long few moments. Then he said, "I don't think I heard you correctly, Naoe-dono."

"I said put me in the mirror."

"Why should I do such a thing?"

"Simple. You'll be getting rid of me, an enemy. I won't resist."

Another long silence. Then...

"Exactly what is your relationship to my little brother, Naoe-dono?"

"I am his closest retainer, his protector. And I love him."

Ujiteru looked past him at Takaya, laying still as ever in the soft candlelight. His gaze was gentle and sad, though by his own admission the body was not his brother, just a set of clothes Kagegtora had once worn.

"For how long?"

"Since we first met."

"Love at first sight? It doesn't exist."

"I've invented it, then," Naoe said defiantly.

"Forgive me if I seem doubtful, Naoe-dono. You have to understand that a lot of people have thought they loved Saburo. None of them have tried to give up their earthly existence for him."

"Attraction is not the same as love. You and I both know Kagetora-sama has hd no shortage of admirers. But they wanted him for his beauty and charisma. I know him. I want him for himself."

Ujiteru knelt down on the tatami floor, followed immediately by Kotarou. "When we first returned to the world, I heard rumors about you. That you followed my brother like a love-struck puppy, and that he tolerated it while hating you for it. Yet here you are, having remained together for four centuries."

"Love is not the only thing that binds people."

"What else is there?"

"Need. I need his presence. I used to believe he needed my worship."

"And now?"

"Now...I dare to think that he cares for me too, as much as he can. I'm not willing to let him go. I never have been."

Ujiteru frowned. "Suppose I'm willing to grant your request. What shall I do with you when Saburo is released?"

Naoe smiled ruefully. "You're not planning to let him out. I know you're not."

"What?"

"You can't risk it. You know that no matter how many new bodies you put him into, if you indeed have that power, Kagetora-sama will remain Kagetora-sama. He's an Uesugi, not by birth but by choice, which is stronger. He will never join you. And you can't allow an enemy of his power to oppose you. You said it yourself."

Ujiteru didn't deny any of this, just looked terribly sad. Gazing at him, Naoe realized that a small part of him was violently jealous of this man. Because he had known Kagetora longer, because he had the clain of family on him. Because he really did love his little brother.

"You plan to leave Kagetora-sama in the mirror. At least don't make him be alone. If you care for him, send me to join him."

"Ujiteru-dono." The ninja, Kotarou, spoke up, surprising them both. "Do not do as he says. It must be some kind of trick."

"How could I be tricking you? There's no way out of the mirror from the inside. Unless you release me yourselves, I will be out of your way."

"No doubt your Uesugi comrades were not far behind you when you came here. You are counting on them to release you and Saburo-dono from the mirror."

"Good point. Where are your nakama, Naoe-dono?" Ujiteru asked.

"They will come here," Naoe admitted, seeing no other choice. "They will try to save us. But why should that worry you? If you are sure of yourselves and your defenses, they won't succeed."

"And they may be killed," Ujiteru pointed out. "Are you so ready to abandon them?"

_Haruie. Nagahide. I'm so sorry._

"I am willing to abandon everything."

"Kotarou, bring the Tsutsuga mirror."

"My lord - "

"Bring it."

_mobmobmob_

"I never meant to be so cruel to him, or to anyone. I couldn't forget the memory of that night. I swore I would never let it happen again. Never again be so helpless."

The door of memory breached, Takaya was sitting in a world of blank, facing the self he had been trying so hard to uncover. Kagetora, child of many names and families, stood before him, sad-eyed in his familiar blue kimono. Only now did Takaya recall its significance - it was what he wore the day Kenshin's chosen name was bestowed upon him.

"Why did you block our memory?"

"It was the only way to forgive Naoe for Minako. I believed if I unmade our past, wiped it clean, Naoe and I would have a chance."

Takaya sighed. "Do you know how confusing and dangerous it's been, walking around with my whole life a blank? It was against our best interests."

"And against our heart." Kagetora's voice was barely a whisper. "I feared the emotions Naoe brings out in me. I still do."

"I love him, don't I?"

Kagetora bowed his head, as though Takaya had pronounced a curse.

"But then we can be together, can't we?"

"You will never forget the red moon, the night of blood on the sand. Can you bear any man's touch with that inside you?"

"I'll try! I have to try."

"Lord Kenshin believed you would feel so," Kagetora said solemnly. "That's why he helped us seal our memory before you were born."

"I saw Kenshin before I took this body?"

"It was his ideato return to Earth a blank slate, unburdened by the horrors of our past. Only in this way could you judge Naoe according to the man his years have made him, not for the choices he has made. How do you find him?"

The question surprised Takaya, but he didn't wait to answer. "He's...kind. Loyal, loving in his own way. But mostly he's kind."

Kagetora smiled. "He is what we might have been, had history been different."

"Kagetora...you do know, don't you, that Naoe would never hurt us the way those men did?"

Kagetora looked away, the movement of his head fluid and graceful. "In my heart, yes. But the fear remained. The way he looked at me made it worse."

"I like the way he looks at us."

"Even now? Now that you remember?"

"I can live with those memories. I don't think I can without Naoe."

Kagetora smiled, and despite their resemblance, Takaya found the expression beautiful. "Then I was right to block the memory as long as I did. In you, I declare to Naoe a surrender, as I have secretly wanted to ever since that day in Father's garden. In this time when rank and social station no longer matter, perhaps we can love one another as equals."

"What about the Tsutsuga mirror? Is there a way out of here?"

"Without the male mirror, perhaps not. We may have to rely on Haruie and Nagahide."

"What about Naoe?" Takaya asked.

"You know him. What do you think his first instinct will be?"

Takaya knew at once, but the question lingered in this blank world, like heavy smoke in a windless room.

_mobmobmob_

Naoe found himself in a misty place, cast and dim and seeming to go on forever in every direction. He wandered for he knew not how long, as time seemed to have no place here, his only desire a desperate need to find Takaya, to hold him again if the boy would allow it. If they were to be trapped in here forever, Naoe was determined that they would at least be together, in every possible sense of that word.

_Takaya-san. I have come to hope that you may love me. Will my love be enough for you? In this nothingness, can we build together our ideal existence?_

After what seemed a long time, Naoe began to hear, faintly, what sounded like the low roar of an ocean. He headed toward the noise as best he could, and eventually the misty blank gave way to something at last, a rocky beach under a starry night sky. He was relieved to have finally found his way somewhere, until the scarlet cast of the sand made him look up in trepidation. A red moon.

_Can this be...is it Kagetora-sama's memory?_

At once Naoe looked around for him, and spotted a group of six making their way across the beach from far away. Even at distance, with a faint smile, he recognized Kagetora as a child, when he was still Hojo Saburo, younger than Naoe had ever known him. The boy was beautiful, as unearthly glorious as he had always been, with his long, silky black hair tied back and wearing a cream-colored yukata that seemed to be floating ethereally around him. What surprised Naoe and pained his heart, though, was the expression on the child's face. Saburo was smiling, seemingly content, as though he hadn't a care in the world, his amber eyes devoid of the heavy sadness he would later carry. Whatever had happened to Kagetora to make him so wary and heartsick, it hadn't occurred yet.

Naoe found it hard to tear his eyes from the angelic boy, but he forced himself to examine the others. Instantly, he knew something was wrong. For one, none of them were armed. A young lord of the Hojo, particularly one so prized and vulnerable, should have never strayed from the castle without an armed escort. These were clearly retainers and servants, not soldiers. More alarming than that was the way these men constantly shot knowing glances at each other, accompanied by smirks that their young charge clearly didn't notice. Naoe knew what such looks meant; he had guarded Kagetora too long not to be experienced with them.

A possibility too horrible to entertain entered Naoe's mind, one which he had considered before but always quickly dismissed, as much for the disgust it inspired as for its impossibility.

_It can't be...no one would dare. No one could look at him and dare..._

But the men were chuckling now, and forming a circle that tightened around the boy. Saburo, the innocent part of Kagetora, looked confused as he turned around, questioned what was happening. Then his golden eyes widened with terrible understanding, the way Takaya's had after Naoe kissed him.

It began. They pulled the boy's yukata and loincloth off of him, and naked he was pushed onto the damp sand. Naoe growled inhumanly and sprang at the group, grabbing for the attackers and intending to wrench the heads off each of their bodies, but his hands passed through them as though nothing at all was there. In the midst of his rage, Naoe understood.

_This is a memory. I cannot touch them. I can do nothing._

He didn't give up yet. He tried to drape his body over Saburo's, to shield him, but the greedy hands went right through Naoe and easily found the boy's body. Naoe tried screaming next, shouting for help until his lungs ached in the faint hope that someone was close enough to hear. The castle was too far away, and the beach deserted. Even if Naoe could have made himself heard, there was no one. Saburo's desperate shouting did no good either, except perhaps to further excite his assailants.

They were brutal to him, especially those of them that feigned kindness, and that tried to tell the boy he had somehow brought this upon himself with his looks, that he had led them on, that he was born for men to use this way. When the first entered him, Naoe felt the rush of pain as keenly as if he were experiencing it himself.

He flew at them again, through them, gone mad with fury as he fell to the ground again and again, all the time screaming. "How could you?! He's only a child, he's done nothing to you! You were supposed to protect him! I'll kill you all, I swear, I'll find you somehow and kill you slowly for this!"

When he could move and rant no more, Naoe fell to his knees, surely looking more in disarray than anyone had ever seen him, and cried soundlessly as he watched the love of his long life be repeatedly violated by men the boy had trusted and cared for. Some took him hard and fast, others slow and relatively gently, even trying to kiss him and forcing him to orgasm. Saburo was so young, he couldn't have known for long what pleasure his body could bring him, and now his youth and his anatomy were being used against him, darkening that pleasure into something sick and painful. It explained so much, Naoe could hardly keep up with the thoughts that pounded behind his eyes.

_This is what happened in Odawara, what changed everything. This is why Kagetora-sama feared to be touched, why he could not bear anyone behind him, why he preferred the company of women. This is why he sealed off his memories, why he tensed when I reached for him in the garden. This is why Takaya-san has never sought relationships. When I put my fingers inside him, this is what he saw that made him scream._

"My love," Naoe choked out of a parched mouth, "I am so sorry. I should have realized."

When each of the rapists had taken a turn, Naoe prayed fervently to any god or spirit listening that they would leave him alone. But the first knelt above Saburo again, touching him all over with mouth and hands, and the others continued to hold him down though it was obvious the boy was too hurt and dazed to fight back with any success. They played with him for an eternity, cheering when they could make him come, tainting his translucent skin all over with their flesh and tongues, even pushing their fingers into him and licking the blood that stained them. It was a game to these monsters, the way they congratulated each other on finally taking what they'd wanted so long, discussing how many years it had been they'd fantasized about this, as though they cared nothing that the child between them heard every word. And Saburo heard them tell him again and again how beautiful he was, how good beyond their wildest dreams, how much they loved him.

_No wonder he feared and loathed me all this time._

It was close to dawn when they were finally done. Each man was spent after taking so many turns, and they knew they had to get away before day broke, in case their victim did decide to reveal their crime and send Hojo soldiers after them. One by one they bade farewell to Saburo as though he had been a willing conquest, kissing the motionless boy and petting his tangled hair. As they walked away, they expressed their sadness that it was all over, that they'd never have him again, never have anything so sweet.

"We could take him with us," one suggested, quite seriously.

"Are you mad? The lords would raze this country to the ground to get him back, and I shudder to think what torture they would put us to..."

"At least we'll always remember this."

"And so will little Saburo."

As Naoe watched them saunter off, he somehow saw into the future of each, dim flashes of the ends they would come to. Two went insane with desire to have their victim again, and castrated themselves in frenzied longing. One died an old man in a sword-to-sword disagreement, his crime, like the others', never discovered. The remaining two tried to return to Odawara Castle, to get to Saburo again, and were slain by castle guards as deserters while they attempted to sneak in.

Numbly, on legs that would barely carry him, Naoe made his way to Saburo. The boy was curled in a fetal position, naked as a newborn beneath the fading moonlight, and his body was bruised with finger and hand shapes though his face had been left unmarred. A startling amount of blood soaked the sand beneath him, and his slender thighs were coated with drying semen. He was breathing in soft gasps, and with his swollen eyes closed gave no other indication he was alive.

Naoe knelt beside the boy who would grow up to be Uesugi Kagetora, and gently moved open hands down to him, expecting them to float through the specter of memory as they did before. To his shock, he found himself touching the smooth, cool skin of Saburo's curled arm. The boy showed no sign of either fear or relief, no sign that he was at all aware of anyone. Naoe couldn't help himself. He carefully turned the unconscious Saburo over and lifted him into his arms, cradling the small (so unforgivably small) body against his chest, weeping into the dark hair that smelled like a spring rain upon flowers.

"I'm so sorry, so sorry. You didn't deserve this, any of this, nor what I put you through afterward. I love you, I've always loved you, but that doesn't excuse anything. If I'd known, if I'd only realized...but I swear, I could not believe anyone could hurt you like this. I'm so sorry..."

The porcelain face tilted up, and amber eyes opened to stare at him. Naoe gasped in surprise, and was ready to gently let the poor boy go the moment he started to struggle. Instead, Hojo Saburo, the Kagetora he had never known, threw his weak arms around Naoe and, trembling violently, clung to him. Naoe held the child close and rocked him soothingly, smoothing out the long hair mussed by exertion and abuse. With the boy's head tucked safely under his chin and the body snuggled close to him, Naoe held on tightly and whispered in a choked voice.

"It will be all right. I promise, you will survive this. Wherever you go, you will be on your way to me, and when I find you, I swear will protect you with all the life and strength that is in me. And though you won't believe it, I love you and will always love you, even if you hate me for it, even if you can never bear to let me touch you. I will never think you weak or damaged because of what they did to you, and I will never repeat their actions. I will never leave you, no matter what life or death brings, no matter what we fear the most. Never."

Saburo went still in his arms, save for the slow rhythm of normal, calm breathing. Somehow Naoe was not alarmed or surprised when the boy grew lighter and lighter, and began to fade until he was gone, until Naoe's arms were wrapped around himself and his tears finally stopped. Before he could sense a presence behind him, he heard his name called, and got to his feet while turning around.

There, in the place of his nightmares, stood Uesugi Kagetora, as Naoe had first known him, more lovely than any painting could express in his favorite blue kimono. But the look on his face was one Kagetora had never worn, an expression of faint affection and a long-sought, deep relief. He offered a small but radiant smile as Naoe staggered toward him and, amost beyond belief, he hugged back when the elder man drew him into a loving embrace. It was a long time before Naoe drew back to, at last, lay his hand against Kagetora's cheek.

"I'm so sorry. For everything, for all our lives, for all I did and all I couldn't do."

Kagetora placed his hand over Naoe's. "You know now, and your feelings have not changed?"

"I love you. Not your beauty, or strength, or position above me. I love all of you, and nothing you do will ever change that." The fingers of their hands intertwined. "I should have told you that day in the garden, and kissed you no matter what Kenshin would have done to me afterwards. And I should have fought for you instead of my foolish pride, as I will every day from now on."

Kagetora leaned in closer to him, and Naoe met him as their lips came together, tentatively as any first kiss, chaste as Naoe suspected Kagetora needed. For a moment, it was as though all the hurts and missteps of the past had been wiped clean, as though they were still part of a long-ago day in a warring era, in a garden that time and social class could not touch. Naoe Nobutsuna, who would never forgive himself, felt forgiven.

Kagetora drew back and tugged at Naoe's hand. "Come. Father is waiting."

"Kenshin-kou? Here?"

Kagetora did not answer, but began to walk, and Naoe followed, just like he always had. Just like he always would.

_mobmobmob_

It was dark by the time they reached the Hakone shrine, the place empty of visitors and the only noise the sounds of life in the nearby woods. Haruie parked the car (ignoring Chiaki's warnings not to scratch it) in the deserted lot, and the three comrades made their way carefully down the path to the ancient structure. As they passed through the torii gate, Chiaki made a casual observation.

"Why are these places so creepy at night?"

"Probably because people aren't meant to be here this late. Right, Yuzuru?"

The teenager nodded absently but said nothing. He hadn't spoken a word in nearly an hour, lost in thought or busy preparing himself.

Haruie shivered. "The mirror's got to be here somewhere. I sense a great spiritual power, but it feels...dormant almost. Just what you'd expect from such an old relic. You got anything, Nagahide?"

"Uh-huh. We're not alone."

Haruie's gaze followed his finger as it pointed through the dim night to the steps of the shrine. A man all in tight-fitting black was standing there, unnaturally motionless, with long dark hair gathered in a flowing ponytail. Haruie was a little ashamed that her first thought was, _A ninja! Awesome!_

"One of the Fuuma, I'm guessing?" Chiaki called. The party had come to a standstill.

"Yasuda Nagahide. Kakizaki Haruie. The Uesugi have come, as was expected." Kotarou frowned thoughtfully. "And who is the third?"

Haruie quickly stepped in front of Yuzuru, waving her hands dismissively. "Um, foreign exchange student, very interested in shrines! Russian, speaks no Japanese at all, and has no spiritual powers!"

"Nice cover, Haruie," Chiaki said under his breath. "We're here for the Tsutsuga mirror. Hand it over if you don't want to be exorcised."

There was no change of expression on Kotarou's face. "You are too few to take the male mirror from here by force, and those who guard the female mirror outnumber you even more so. If you have come to rescue Saburo-dono, you will not succeed. And Naoe-dono cannot help you. At his own request, he has been put into the mirror as well."

It shouldn't have come as a surprise to either of them, but Haruie gasped as her hand flew up to cover her mouth. Nagahide slapped one fist against an open palm grumbling that "the bakatora and his stalker are both dead once I get my hands on them".

Kotarou continued, just as emotionlessly. "Unless you wish to discuss terms of surrender, you'd be wise to leave now."

"Without our friends? No way!" Haruie shouted.

"As you wish."

With a graceful gesture of his hand, Kotarou made a summoning motion. Out of the darkness of the quiet shrine stepped a dozen or so spectral samurai warriors, onryou who had been recruited to join the Hojo's fight for control of the Feudal Underworld. Moving slowly but growling, their eyes red and menacing, the soldiers drew their swords and headed toward the Yashashuu.

Chiaki grabbed Yuzuru's arm, pulled him several feet away and pushed him behind a huge tree. "Stay out of this, Narita."

Yuzuru looked at his classmate as he spoke, but didn't seem to see or hear him. A faint golden light, not yet quite perceptible, was beginning to surround him.

From where he stood, Kotarou began to aim powerful balls of fire at his enemies. Chiaki quickly counter-attacked, then summoned a goshinheki barrier to surround himself and Haruie.

"You concentrate on the onryou!"

"By myself?" Haruie rolled her eyes. "Always such a gentleman, Nagahide. BAI!"

The two samurai closest to her froze with twin groans of dismay, their semi-transparent forms trembling.

"Noumaku Samanda Bodanan Baishiramandaya Sowaka..."

The blaze of Haruie's power swirled all around her, intensified by the blessing of the Yashashuu's patron god.

"Namu Tobatsu Bishamoneten, demons be gone! Lend us thy power!"

More were approaching, there was no time to wait. Normally Haruie paused here to let the energy flowing from her reach its peak, but this time, she just had to hope it would be enough.

"Choubuku!"

It was. With another howl, the samurai were pushed up into the air, and their forms rapidly shrank until nothing remained. Nothing but more adversaries, of course. With a smirk, Haruie pushed her long hair back and beckoned the nearest onryou closer.

Chiaki was having a slightly harder time. His barrier couldn't withstand more than a hit or two from Kotarou, and he didn't have the time or the spare energy to keep re-casting it. He was trying to get close enough to throw a good shot of his own, wanting not to waste a single one, but the ninja clearly didn't have that concern. Each of his fireballs was perfectly aimed, setting ablaze patches of grass and decimating plants that Chiaki had been standing on only a second before. Cursing, Chiaki had to keep dodging, and wait for the Fuuma to catch his breath or something.

It took a while, but Chiaki finally got close enough to shoot. Oddly, Kotarou then did pause, though not, it seemed, because he needed to.

"I am curious, Yasuda-dono. Why do you do this?"

"Why do I fight to help my friends? You Fuuma must really be as cold as people say, if you have to ask that."

"Friends?" As ever, Kotarou's tone was unfailingly polite. "Naoe-dono, perhaps, but Saburo-dono? He is of the Hojo clan. His fate is no concern of yours."

Chiaki opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

"Furthermore, I have heard a strange rumor. That centuries ago, you made it known to several other clans that you would be willing to abandon your allegiance to the Uesugi, to join with any one of them that would have you."

Clenching his fists, Chiaki breathed heavily, and heard himself say haltingly "I...I changed my mind."

"Really? Why do you fight for a general you hate that much?"

"Because the little brat is my friend, asshole!" Chiaki exploded, and fired a burst of energy directly where Kotarou was standing.

The ninja dodged it, but only just, and it smashed into a support beam which collapsed, causing half the shrine's front entrance to cave in. Kotarou lithely descended the steps, and shot a fireball. It grazed Chiaki's arm, and he tore off the remainer of his smoldering sleeve with a curse. He lost track of Kotarou for a moment, and spun to find the man behind him.

Kotarou clasped his hands together and closed his eyes. All at once, there was a dozen of him, surrounding Chiaki in a tight circle. He knew that if he targeted the wrong one, his shot would be wasted and he would be leaving himself vulnerable at a critical moment.

_Typical Fuuma trick. Good thing Naoe taught me a trick for times like these._

Muttering an incantation, Chiaki shut his eyes and slowly spun around. Using his spiritual senses only, he could see the replicas as shadows that barely gave off any energy. The real Kotarou was as obvious as a blip on a blank radar screen.

"BAI!"

To Chiaki's surprise, the ninja leaped out of the way and seemed to disappear. He had never seen someone dodge the freezing command before, but then ninjas were notorious for being able to do things most people couldn't. Chiaki looked wildly around, senses extended, but Kotarou was nowhere to be seen.

_Warning his masters of our presence, probably. Fuck my life._

He headed quickly back toward Haruie, who seemed to be tiring. "How's it going?"

She shook her head. "There's too many of them! They just keep coming!"

It was true. For every two that she exorcised, another two patiently made their way out of the damaged shrine. Clearly the Hojo had more resources than Chiaki had given them credit for.

"Nagahide! Yuzuru!"

Alarmed, Chiaki spun around. To his horror, he saw two very dangerous things happening. One, Yuzuru was glowing almost blindingly with a fierce golden light, and judging by his closed eyes and pained expression, he was fighting with all he had to keep his power under control. Two, Kotarou was approaching the boy, and no matter what Chiaki did, he would not be able to get to him first.

"I have never seen a power such as yours," Kotarou said, and for once the indifferent servant actually sounded interested in something. "Ujimasa-dono will be very pleased to acquire you, boy."

The ninja reached out to grab Yuzuru's arm, and as soon as he made contact with the light it seemed to zap him with a blinding flash, and Kotarou fell (ungraceful at last) to the ground where he lay motionless. Yuzuru appeared to be so deep in concentration that he was probably unaware of the threat he had just neutralized.

"Yuzuru!"

"Narita-kun!"

Neither Yashashuu really expected their shouting to wake Yuzuru out of his trance, and it didn't. As the boy shook with effort, the illumination around him began to expand, spreading outward toward the shrine. Haruie and Chiaki instinctively ducked down, though they knew doing so was futile, and they could only hope Yuzuru's power would know not to harm them. The onryou all paused in wonder or fear, and with good reason, because the instant the light hit them it vaporized them without a trace left behind. It spread and spread, until it encompassed the entire grounds of the shrine and the woods that bordered it. Clearly the onryou had all been vanquished, if that had been Yuzuru's aim. Unfortunately, the light wasn't going away, and the earth itself was beginning to jolt in violent tremors.

"Yuzuru!"

"Narita! Okay already, you can stop now!"

As they ran to him, several enormous trees, centuries old, uprooted with a terrible noise and crashed into each other. A large crack appeared in the ground, which Haruie and Chiaki had to leap over. What was still standing of the Hakone shrine began to splinter and fall.

"Narita!"

"Don't touch him!" Haruie cried. "What if - "

Chiaki ignored her, and grabbed the teenager's shoulders. To their relief, the light had no effect on him, and he was able to shake Yuzuru in an effort to wake him up.

"Narita! You need to stop now! Takaya will be okay now!"

Somehow, that seemed to get through to him. The light rapidly receded back into the boy's body until the dark of the night prevailed again, and Yuzuru collapsed. Chiaki caught him and carefully eased him down to the ground.

"Is he okay?" Haruie said anxiously.

"He's breathing fine. Here, look after him for a minute."

"Where are you going?"

"One of the mirrors is in the shrine."

"But the shrine is nearly - "

"I'll be fine."

As Chiaki walked away, Haruie settled Yuzuru's head onto her lap, and smiled down at him. "That was some trick," she whispered. "No one should have to carry the burden of such power, but thank you for using it."

Yuzuru's eyes fluttered for a moment, then opened tiredly. "Ayako-san?"

"Welcome back."

"What happened? It seems so fuzzy..."

"You took out a ninja and a legion of pissed-off ghosts with the power of light and friendship," she said cheerfully.

Yuzuru sat up and scratched his head. "I think I remember now."

"You saved our butts. If you can learn to control this power, our enemies don't stand a chance."

The boy smiled. "I'll do anything to help Takaya."

True to his word, Chiaki ducked out of the ruined shrine and returned to them, a circular mirror in his hand. "Found it! Now we just have to storm the Hojo's fortress to get the other one. I'm afraid this might have been the easy part."

Haruie looked sympathetically at Yuzuru. "Thnik you can do that again, sweetie?"

"Haruie! He must be exhausted!"

"I can! If it's to help Takaya, I can!"

"What is it with that bakatora?" Chiaki groaned. "It used to be everyone either wanted to get into his pants or kill him, or both. Now everyone want to _help_ him."

"Nagahide! _I_ never...well maybe _once_ I wanted to get into his - "

Chiaki put up his hand for silence. "Wait! I sense someone."

Kotarou was still either dead or unconscious, they saw, but they didn't have long to wait. A man in a business suit, with handsome features and a sad expression, emerged from the trees on the other side of the shrine, and approached them with one hand up in surrender, and one holding something wrapped in cloth. When he got close to them, he bowed, and held up his hand again as Chiaki pushed Yuzuru behind him.

"I mean you no harm. I come for the sake of someone I love, and have wronged too many times. I am Hojo Ujiteru." He smiled weakly at Haruie. "It's been a long time, Kakizaki-dono. I'm sorry your stay with us wasn't more pleasant."

"You're Kagetora's brother," Chiaki said. "His blood brother. That makes you our enemy."

"But not Saburo's. I can't bear to watch my own family, _his_ own family, hurt him anymore," Ujiteru sad desperately. "I would rather us suffer defeat in this foolish war than use Saburo as we've used him so many times. I couldn't save him in our original lives, but I can now. All I ask is that you take care of him. Exorcise me before you go if you wish, but look after Saburo."

"We always have," Haruie assured him.

"We always will," Chiaki said, with hardly a grudge at all in his voice.

"We'd do anything for Takaya," Yuzuru chimed in.

Ujiteru smiled. "I've smuggled Saburo's and Naoe-dono's bodies out of my brother's reach to a short distance from here, I will take you to them. And this..."

He passed the cloth-wrapped object over. As soon as Chiaki touched it, he knew what it was.

"The female Tsutsuga mirror."

"Aim the two mirrors at each other, and the souls inside will be released. Come, this way."

As they walked, Ujiteru said, without a hint of malice, "By the way, which one of you defeated Kotarou?"

Yuzuru sheepishly raised his hand.

Ujiteru looked surprised, but nodded. "Then you are worthy of being Saburo's protector."

Yuzuru smiled, this time with a glow that was entirely human.

**To be concluded.**

**Just so you know, Naoe witnessing Kagetora's rape is not entirely my invention. I'm not sure of the details, but supposedly he does see the memory late in the novels, and reacts largely as I have him do here**

**If anyone's still reading, let me know what you think!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Here it is, the final installment. I'm gonna miss the story; it's been a blast to write, excepting the blocked periods.**

**Warning - this chapter contains completely expected smut. Naoe and Takaya deserve that, at least.**

**Kuwabara Mizuna owns, I worship. And study Japanese. (Someone please translate MoB before I lose my mind.)**

**PENDULUM**  
_Chapter 12 - Te Deum_

"Naoe," the god-man greeted him with a smile. "I wish I could say I'm happy to see you here, but really, coming into the mirror was a foolish risk."

"Kenshin-kou." Naoe bowed low. "Forgive me. I allowed my heart to lead me here."

The place looked much like Kenshin's old receiving room in Echigo. He sat in a chair upon a raised platform, and Naoe came to sit before it, on the wooden floor beside Kagetora. He felt very much like a suitor facing a prospective in-law which, in truth, he was.

"Don't look so worried, Naoe, I don't intend to scold you. For every mistake you have made, you have punished yourself more than I could have."

"Yes, my lord, but...I have committed improprieties...I have no excuse." Naoe felt Kagetora glance nervously at him.

Kenshin's voice remained kind. "You have the only excuse I would accept. Love. I know you love my son, Naoe, I have always known. That is why I chose you to be his protector."

"Then why..." Naoe looked up, showing anger at his one-time lord for the first time in his existence. "Then why did you force me to be his enemy? Why did you order me to stand by Kagekatsu?"

Kenshin closed his eyes for a moment, his usual jovial manner swept away by regret. "I had my reasons, none of which made my choice the correct one. I knew of Kagetora's discomfort and thought I could ease it by keeping you apart. I felt guilt for preferring Kagetora to Kiheiji and wanted to make it up to him. I feared reprisals against Kagetora if I was seen to favor him too exclusively. Had I known the ends you would both come to, I would have done anything, everything, differently. Naoe, Kagetora, I am sorry."

"Father, you need not - " Kagetora protested.

"Child, let an old man keep his regret. It is part of what makes me who I am." Kenshin's smile returned. "I am proud of you both. You have come through four hundred years of great strife and hardship, and are so much the stronger for it. And somehow, you don't hate me for the burden I placed on you."

"My lord." Unable to think what to say, Naoe bowed again.

"I think, Naoe, in this place you have come to understand Kagetora better."

"I have, my lord. My heart breaks to know, but it's worth it."

"I too wish I had known, in our original lives."

"Father, you couldn't have," Kagetora quietly insisted. "But I apologize for not confiding in you."

"No need, my son, I understand why you did not. I hope you no longer blame yourself for something that was never your fault."

"I think I've begun to realize that, Father." Only his ages-old sense of propriety kept Naoe from taking Kagetora in his arms right then.

"You see, Naoe, I was watching you in my garden that day. You had the chance to take what you wanted, and for Kagetora's sake, you held back. You alone respected him enough to consider his feelings. That is why I helped Kagetora repress his memories of your transgressions."

"You, my lord? You did that?"

"I wanted to give you a chance." Kenshin laughed softly. "It was the least I could do after forcing you to be so hard on Kagetora. It's just, as they say, it takes one knife to sharpen another. Though your role has been a difficult one to bear, I believe I was right in choosing you."

"Father?"

"Speak freely with me, Kagetora, always."

"I have long wanted to ask you...why did you choose me to lead the Uesugi?"

Kenshin smiled fondly down at him. "In life, it was always my intention that you and Kiheiji rule Echigo together. I saw the leadership qualities you brought out in him, and the warmth he evoked in you. I saw you love each other as brothers, and desire to bring peace and justice to our land. I didn't fully consider the jealous feelings of the other lords, the tendency of men to choose sides and enemies. Had I instead decided to leave Echigo to only one of you, it would have been you, Kagetora. As strong as Kiheiji has always been, he is not the natural leader you are. And the power he holds now was with him then, however dormant. It would not have been good for him to be called on to use it before he was ready."

Naoe's mouth dropped open, realization having just hit him. _Yuzuru-san. That's why he's so desperate to protect Takaya-san. That's why the two of them are as close as brothers._

"Kiheiji's power will be a great help to you, perhaps even a resolution, in your fight against the warring clans. But it makes him a vulnerable target while he is learning to use it. I'm counting on you, Kagetora, to protect your brother."

Kagetora bowed gracefully. "Always."

"As for why I chose you to lead the Yashashuu...I nearly did not."

Kagetora blinked in surprise, and Naoe felt the same, especially at what Kenshin said next.

"I very nearly chose Naoe. But ultimately, I needed the two of you to work together, and I knew I could count on Naoe to follow you. It would not have been so easy for you to follow Naoe." Kenshin laughed kindly at the amused half-smile on his son's face. "The power to draw people to you that caused you unhappiness in your earthly life would serve you well as general, I knew. Even before, your spiritual power was surpassed only by Kiheiji's, and you had a gift for tactics and strategy that the Yashashuu would need. I knew you would never use your abilities for your own gain, would never abandon your subordinates, would never waste a single human life, your own or anyone else's. I trusted and trust your heart and your strength. I knew no one else could do what you have done. Yet..."

The god-man, who had appeared to them middle-aged as he was when they knew him, looked suddenly very old and careworn. It was surely the deep sorrow on his face and in his eyes.

"Choosing you to lead the Yashashuu, Kagetora, to perform kanshou and live over and over without cleansing, was the hardest thing I ever did. Not an hour goes by in eternity that I don't wish there had been some other way, some other man's child I could have laid this terrible weight upon. I sent Kiheiji to help you as soon as he was ready to, in hopes of ending your war at last, because it has pained my heart to see you suffer as a result of my command. You are my son, not by blood but by our choice, which is stronger, which binds closely and forever. I love you with my whole heart and always have."

A tear escaped each of Kagetora's amber eyes and traced their ways down his exquisite face. He did not look away from his father, but his chin quivered and Naoe could tell he was deeply moved. Perhaps even healed a little, to hear spoken so simply what he surely had always known in his heart. Again, Naoe found himself unable to resist his need to touch him. He gently took Kagetora's lovely, long-fingered hand in his own, caressing it with his thumb. The young man looked at him in surprise, but smiled, the expression like sunlight shining through a brief rainfall. Kagetora squeezed his hand back, and let it be held. When Naoe tore his gaze away to look questioningly at Kenshin, he found the man smiling too.

"My lord, may I take what you have said as your permission to be with Kagetora?"

Kenshin "hmm"ed, almost teasingly. "In all honesty, Naoe, I would have been very hesitant to give Kagetora to you four hundred years ago. You were reckless and hot-tempered, perhaps not what he needed then. But I would have respected his wishes, and I will respect them now. Kagetora, is this what you want?"

There was a pause that was very brief, though it seemed an eternity to Naoe's anxiety and long-unrequited love. Then Kagetora looked at him with contentment, and with certainty back to Kenshin.

"Yes, Father."

"Then I give my permission. I will trust you with my son's heart, Naoe, as I have trusted you with his soul."

Knowing he was probably beaming a stupid grin, Naoe bowed low, and with his face near to the floor he took a moment to thank every god he had ever prayed to. The others stood at the same time, and Uesugi Kagetora, who had born his adoptive father's embraces even when it was frightening to do so, eagerly stepped into Kenshin's warm, protective hug. Naoe couldn't see Kagetora's face from where he sat, but he thought Kenshin's expression as he stroked the boy's hair was one of a man realizing his long-cherished wish. And as he got to his feet, Naoe could clearly hear Kagetora whisper, "I love you too, Father."

When they finally separated, Kenshin cupped Kagetora's face in his hands. "Your friends have succeeded. You can wake up now, Takaya. And by the way..."

"Father?"

"I like your new name. Though you will always be Kagetora to me."

_mobmobmob_

Takaya coughed weakly as he found himself slammed back into his seventeen-year-old body, as though he had just been pulled out of deep, dark water. He could feel unfamiliar, comfortable fabric clothing him, and the hard softness of grassy ground beneath his back. When he opened his eyes, there was the welcome sight of Yuzuru, Haruie, and Chiaki smiling down at him. Well, Chiaki's was more like a smirk, but there was more affection in it than usual.

"Welcome back, bakatora."

"I saw Kenshin."

"Really?" Haruie squealed. "Did he have a message for me?"

Takaya shook his head.

"Well, that's him. Never was one to waste words."

"How did you guys get the mirrors?"

"Yuzuru decimated a shrine and took out a ninja."

The blond boy shrugged modestly. "We couldn't have done it without Ujiteru-san giving us the other mirror. He had to leave, Takaya, but he asked us to tell you he loves you."

"Ujiteru-ani..." _Still looking out for me, as he always did. He might have been the only one to really love me in that life, other than Father and - _"Naoe! Where's Naoe?!"

Takaya tried to leap up, but Chiaki grasped his shoulders and turned him to face the other way. There beside him, thank all the gods, was the familiar form of Naoe, the first sight Takaya had ever had of him sleeping. Takaya scrambled to get closer to him, pressed his ear to the monk's broad chest and shuddered with relief to feel him breathing.

"He hasn't woken up yet," Haruie said. "But he should be fine. So what did Kenshin-kou say?"

Takaya ignored her, finding it easy as ever to do so. No longer caring who saw, who knew, he leaned down and pressed his lips to Naoe's, willing that mouth to open and move with his own. He felt a hand grope for and clasp his arm, and drew back to find Naoe's violet eyes staring up at him in adoration, his smile one of freedom from the past. He pulled Takaya back down by the collar of his robe and kissed him long and hard. The teenager finally had to jerk away to catch his breath.

"Ha, for once I woke up before you, Naoe."

"Um." Haruie had colored a becoming shade of bright red. (It matched her new sneakers.) "Does this mean what I hope it means?"

"Damn," Chiaki laughed. "Just when I was getting used to being a pawn in your gay drama. I guess it's a gay romance now."

"Don't label me, Chiaki. We never did that in our time."

"Takaya, Naoe-san." Yuzuru had blushed with embarrassment but quickly recovered. "I'm so happy for you."

Takaya's eyes very nearly began to fill at the sight of his best friend. "Thank you, Yuzuru."

Haruie playfully punched Naoe's shoulder as he sat up. "Geez, what did you guys see in the mirror that led to this breakthrough?"

"Well..." Takaya clearly didn't want to answer, not any time soon.

Naoe wrapped his arms around the boy from behind and set his chin on Takaya's shoulder. "Takaya-san will tell you when he is ready. Suffice it to say, we've reached an understanding. And Kenshin-kou has given us his blessing."

Chiaki snorted. "He must have a higher opinion of you than I do, Naoe. Maybe he hasn't seen you drooling over Kagetora's ass the last few centuries."

"Naoe can drool over me all he wants."

Naoe grinned. "And if I catch anyone else looking, heads will roll."

"My knight in samurai armor."

"Oh hell," Chiaki groaned. "Are you two really gonna be this sappy?"

"Don't be insubordinate, Chiaki. Or I'll make you run laps."

"Try it, brat, and I'll tell Nobunaga what your new weakness is."

Takaya tilted his head to look at Naoe, reached up to stroke his cheek, a little hesitantly out of inexperience. "Hardly a _new_ weakness. Just one I took a long time to realize. Sorry, Naoe."

"I would have waited for you forever."

"Naoe, I'm not worth that - "

"You _are_," Naoe insisted. "I've been trying to tell you for four hundred years that you are." He kissed the boy again, chastely, willing to hold bck just a little longer.

Haruie was bouncing excitedly where she knelt. "This is so hot! You guys have to let me take naughty pictures of you!"

Takaya ignored her again. "Has there been any other sign of the Hojo?"

Chiaki shook his head. "My guess would be they're re-grouping, laying low while they plan their next attack. And they _will_ be making another move to rule the Feudal Underworld. Ujiteru may not care about winning, but I doubt Ujimasa will let this loss deter him."

The memory of his brother's hands on him made Takaya shiver. Naoe held him tighter in response.

"Takaya-san, what is it?"

"I'll tell you later. We should all get out of here, in case they send scouts."

Chiaki patted the jacket pocket where he'd stowed the Tsutsuga mirrors. "Tomorrow I'll start researching how to destroy these things. They're too dangerous in the wrong hands."

Takaya nodded. "And I want you to stay with Yuzuru tonight. I don't expect anyone to come after him yet, but we don't know what the after-effects might be of using his power."

Resigned, Chiaki shrugged at Yuzuru. "I guess we can make s'mores and braid each other's hair, sure. Know any ghost stories, Narita-kun?"

The boy chuckled. "Not as many as you do, I'm sure."

"And Haruie, will you go to my house and stay with Miya? I'm sure she's worried about me and I don't want her to be alone."

"Of course, Takaya, but aren't you going home?"

Takaya stood up out of Naoe's embrace, but grabbed the man's hand. "I want to be with Naoe tonight."

Naoe's eyes widened slightly at the implication. The way Takaya smirked and nudged him seemed to confirm his delighted hope.

"Use a condom. Naoe's a playboy and you're no use to us pregnant."

"Nagahide!" Haruie beat him lightly with her manicured hands. "Don't be so vulgar."

The old Takaya would have picked a fight in his embarrassment, bt now he just rolled his eyes. "You have your orders. Now go away, all of you."

When they were finally alone, Takaya buried his face against Naoe's shoulder for a moment, and the monk held him patiently. When Takaya drew back with a sigh, there was mischief in his eyes.

"Well, where we goin'?"

"There is an excellent hotel not far from here." In his anticipation, Naoe's voice had a slight stammer.

"Good idea. Feel like sneaking past the Hojo to get your car?"

"Hardly. I'll have someone pick it up tomorrow. I'll call a taxi."

The car picked them up by the main road, and if the driver found Takaya's attire at all puzzling, he didn't show it. All he said was, "Out late, aren't you, kid?"

"Don't worry," Takaya said from the back seat, holding Naoe's hand. "I have a chaperone."

The lights of the nearest town made the Possessors breathe a shared sigh of relief, and the hotel they pulled up to was elegant as Naoe's choices of residence usually were. He happily tipped the driver well and walked, it seemed, on air to the front desk to ask for the nicest suite they had available. When they reached the twelfth floor, Naoe tried to pick Takaya up and carry him.

"Don't treat me like a girl."

"Never. I'll treat you better."

Despite his high hopes, Naoe was surprised to be pinned to the door the moment it was closed, with his arms full of Takaya's warmth and his tongue eagerly exploring the boy's hot mouth. He tried to keep his hands in Takaya's hair and around his waist, but they began to move of their own accord, sliding downward to experimentally stroke and squeeze the tight ass beneath the robe. Takaya moaned into his mouth, and Naoe forced himself, panting, to take the boy by the shoulders.

"You have to tell me, if I start to do something you don't want. I'll never do anything against your will, but if you don't tell me, I won't be able to stop."

"I think...I want to do everything. I'm just..."

"Takaya-san?"

"Really scared."

Naoe embraced the teenager tightly, caressing his back, wishing he could wipe Takaya's past away, replace every bad memory with good ones. _I can at least give him some new memories tonight._ Resolved, he lifted Takaya into his arms and marched toward the large bed.

"Hey! Not a girl!"

"I'm very aware of that, Takaya-san."

He lay Takaya down as carefully as he could manage onto the soft mattress, kicked off his shoes and crawled on top of him. He was obviously forgiven, as Takaya put both arms around him and accepted another kiss. Naoe made a trail with his lips down to the pale softness of Takaya's neck, adjusting the robe's collar to get at it, and sucked gently at the smooth skin.

"Mmm," Takaya groaned. "Naoe..."

Naoe wanted to hear more of his moans, to undo him past reason and fear. Slowly, taking his time, Naoe tasted all the flesh visible to him, then put his hands on the sash that held the robe closed, looking for permission at Takaya, who nodded. He untied it, and opened the garment reverently, with all the awe that was due such a momentous occasion. Takaya's bared body was as beautiful as he'd always imagined Kagetora's would be, slender and honey-white, lithe and developing muscles while retaining the softness of youth. As he salivated over it, Takaya shyly touched Naoe's awestruck face. He took the offered hand and kissed each finger.

"I'm not the pope," Takaya laughed.

"No, you are my - " _God. No, not anymore, and yet, always._ "My Takaya-san."

Naoe ran his open hands up and down Takaya's taut chest and stomach, feeling the muscles quiver beneath them. Takaya was breathing heavily, his eyes half-closed, clearly turned on by this and watching with interest to see what Naoe would do next. What Naoe did was put his lips around a dusky nipple and lave it with his tongue, teasing it in a circular motion as it began to harden, then began to eagerly suck it.

"Oh gods," Takaya gasped.

Naoe fingered the other nipple as he worked, then switched his mouth to it to give it the same treatment. When he had both glistening and erect, he blew on them to watch them puff a little further, and was struck by a random, mercifully brief thought.

_I hope Kenshin-kou isn't watching this._

"No...fair," Takaya gasped.

"Takaya-san?"

"You get to see me, I wanna see you."

Willingy enough, Naoe tossed his suit jacket onto the floor, unconcerned about where it landed. His shirt followed easily enough, and he was pleased to see Takaya look appreciatively at his muscled chest. He had to stand up and balance to peel his trousers off, doing so quickly in case his looming position alarmed Takaya. And though Takaya was still wearing his boxer-briefs, Naoe decided to chuck his own underwear before settling down again. Takaya looked down at his bared crotch with wide eyes, and Naoe couldn't help but smile.

"Oh, quit grinning. So you happened to pick a body with a big dick, so what?"

"All the better to please you, Kagetora-sama."

"Naoe," Takaya said quietly, "please _yourself_, for once."

Naoe slipped his fingertips beneath the elastic of Takaya's underwear. "Can I...?"

"...okay."

Eager but wanting this to last, Naoe drew them down and off slowly, and just like that, Takaya was completely bare to staring eyes for the first time since..._I don't want to think about that._ Clearly, Naoe liked what he saw, if the saliva the boy had to wipe off his stomach was any indication.

"Hey, when I said you could drool over me, I didn't mean, like, literally."

"Sorry. You're just..."

"Like Kagetora?"

"Even more beautiful."

Takaya's protest at that was swallowed by a gasp as Naoe gently took him in hand. He had expected that piece of flesh to be as uncooperative as it always had been, but it willingly stiffened in Naoe's grasp. The enclosing hand slid up, then down, and a jolt of pleasure rushed through Takaya.

"Holy - "

"Is this okay?"

"Yeah. More than, actually."

Naoe watched Takaya's face very closely as he stroked him, partly because he needed to check for signs the boy didn't like it, but also because he couldn't turn away. For one who had little experience with this kind of pleasure, Takaya was giving himself over to it with such trust. He ran his hands up and down Naoe's arms - the movement seemed to reassure him - and moaned as he was drawn further and further toward the inevitable. It wasn't until he was nearly there that he tensed, and his hands shook.

"Takaya-san, it's just me. Look at me."

"Don't-don't stop...fuck!"

The fist had sped up, and continued to milk him as he spurted all over Naoe's stomach. The brief discomfort was gone as quickly as it had come, and he felt a boneless sort of happiness as Naoe leaned down to kiss him. And a strange sense of victory.

"Did you like it?"

"I'll never call you a slacker monk again. Well, I will, but I won't mean it."

Takaya yanked him down to move his lips over Naoe's neck, nibble at it lightly with his teeth. To his amused surprise, the tall man purred almost, like a big cat being pet. _I guess he's not my _dog_, after all._ Once releaed, Naoe rubbed his nose against Takaya's.

"We don't have to do anything else, if - "

"Fuck. That. What if I want to?"

Naoe's fingers traced the line of his cheekbone. "Are you sure you're ready?"

"After four centuries of only bad memories? I am. I want to be, at least, and that's good enough."

"I'll be right back, then."

Naoe returned from the bathroom with a bottle of massage oil and an individually-wrapped condom. Takaya tried not to feel panic at the sight of the lubricant, and took the condom away to fling it across the room.

"Screw that, I can't really get pregnant."

"Too bad."

"Shut up. You're clean, aren't you?"

"Yes. I've been with no one since I found you, anyway."

"Naoe," Takaya sighed, and pulled the man back on top of him to squeeze him close. "I'll make everything up to you. I really will."

"All I want is to be with you. That's worth a million years of heartache."

_Naoe, you are _so_ getting laid._

"I'll go slowly. But tell me if you need me to stop."

The first slick finger wasn't so bad, especially now that Kagetora wasn't hyperventilating in his head. It mostly felt weird, Takaya's muscles were so tight around it that he wondered how Naoe was ever gonna fit his dick in there. To his credit, Naoe kept his promise, sliding that one finger in and out patiently until Takaya was relaxed enough to admit another. With the second in, he made scissor motions in an effort to create some room, and then wiggled them around as though searching for something. A sudden, unexpected shock of pleasure made Takaya arch up, then make a choking sob.

_"i knew you'd like this, you little slut."_

"Takaya-san?"

Takaya threw his arms around Naoe's neck, breathing in pants he found himself unable to stop. Naoe gently lifted the boy's head to press his face to his shoulder, alarmed to feel wetness against his skin.

"Takaya-san."

"Just g-give me a second."

"Take all the time you need." Naoe paused for a few moments. "Did you ever cry about it?"

"I tried, but Ujiteru-ani never let me be alone afterward. I didn't dare risk anyone finding out, I couldn't even grieve what I lost. And..." Takaya was starting to catch his breath. "I don't know what the hell you touched in there, but it brought everything back. How much I loathed myself."

"It's a physical reaction. Nothing you could have helped." Naoe combed his fingers soothingly through the boy's hair. "Let's stop for now."

"No! No." Takaya looked up, eyes drying and defiant, but tempered by love. "I just need to push past it. I want you inside me."

"Are you sure?"

"Wash the past away from me, Naoe," Takaya murmured, and pushed the wet hand between his legs.

Two fingers went in easily this time, and Takaya seemed to accept each brush of his prostate only for how good it felt. He seemed to be trying not to blink, hard as it was, keeping his eyes on Naoe as though his life depended on doing so. Naoe kept his expression as gentle as he could, attempting to communicate all his love in a steady, unyielding gaze. By the time a third finger entered, Takaya was thrusting to meet Naoe's hand, and he was hardening again.

"Do it, gods, do it now."

Naoe quickly slicked his own erection, and wrapped Takaya's legs around his waist. Pushing the muscular thighs up, he slowly slipped the head of his cock inside, and waited for the flash of pain to leave Takaya's face. It was a few agonizing, patient minutes before he was all the way in, and his eyes looking into Takaya's from only inches away.

"Naoe," the boy whispered fondly. "Look how close we finally are." _We fit together. I always knew we would._

"I love you."

"I love you too, you sap. Now move already."

Takaya threw his head back when the first careful thrust hit home, but quickly reestablished eye contact. His moans matched Naoe's in intensity, and with one hand on the monk's waist he helped to guide him in and out. Naoe pressed his forehead against Takaya's, stroked his cheek with his free hand, and caught a few of the boy's groans and expletives with his lips.

"Takaya, Takaya..."

"Fuck, you feel so good."

When Naoe knew he couldn't last much longer, he reached between them and began to pump Takaya again. It throbbed and pulsed in his hand, so close despite his slow ministrations, and when Naoe whispered, "Let go", Takaya did, howling as he erupted all over them both. The sight of him and the spasm of his orgasm pushed Naoe over the edge too, and with a few last thrusts he emptied himself into Takaya. Four hundred years of build-up. It had been worth every moment.

As his softening length slid out, Naoe managed to fall to Takaya's side and turn the boy to face him. Takaya was breathing heavily, his eyes shut from exertion, but he soon opened them and flashed a dazzling smile. Naoe found himself thanking the gods all over again.

"How do you feel?"

"Like a weight I never understood is finally off my shoulders. Like Kagetora and Takaya both, with no line between us. Also, sore. I'm not leaving this bed tomorrow."

"Then nor will I."

Takaya laughed. "Mostly just...happy."

Naoe pulled him closer. "Me too. At last."

"Naoe, I..." Takaya's eyes were fluttering.

"Sleep." The monk kissed his heavy eyelids. "We have time now."

"Love you," Takaya mumbled, before sinking into a pleasant dark.

_mobmobmob_

The dream he awoke out of was a good one, for once. He and Ujiteru were watching the sea on a peaceful, pale-mooned night. Kagetora was playing the flute, a haunting melody reverberating all around them, and Ujiteru was smiling at him with his usual steadfast adoration. He wanted to tell Ujiteru what had really happened in Odawara, and more importantly that he was okay now, but the music had changed to an annoying, pulsing tone, and -

Takaya awoke in the cool dark, slipped out from under Naoe's arm, and groped sleepily for the ringing phone.

"Hello?"

"Takaya? I'm sorry, I know you and Naoe-san must be, um, tired, but I couldn't wait another moment, not ater the dream I had again."

"Yuzuru? What dream? What's wrong?" His friend sounded as upset as Takaya had ever heard him.

"I keep dreaming of a snowy place, and being someone else, and a kind man who apologizes to me and tells me to stay close to you. It starts to fade as soon as I wake up, before I can remember who I was. And I saw you, well, Kagetora, and we would laugh together and practice our swords, but...I know I betrayed your trust, I did something horrible to you and I could never forgive myself. Takaya, I'm so sorry, I really am."

"Yuzuru, it's okay - "

"I loved you, but I was jealous of you too, that's why I believed them when they told me I had to fight you! I never wanted to hurt you, I swear."

"Yuzuru. It's really okay. I'm not sure if you're supposed to be remembering this...but since you are, I'll explain everything when I get back to Matsumoto, okay? For now, just believe me. I forgave you a long time ago."

There was a sound, like Yuzuru stifling a sob. "Really?"

"Really. You're my brother, you always have been. You always will be." Takaya smiled at the sigh of relief he heard. "Now go back to sleep, before Chiaki wakes up and starts lecturing you. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Thank you, Takaya. Good night."

"Everything all right?" Naoe murmured as he put down the phone.

"Yeah. More old wounds starting to heal, that's all."

Naoe opened his arms, and Takaya crawled back into them, pressing his ear to the Possessor's heartbeat as he was wrapped in a wonderful, human warmth.

"I'm surprised I didn't realize earlier, about Yuzuru-san."

"Me too. But I think, on some level, I always knew. Even when I forgot everything else."

"And now?"

"I remember everything," Takaya said softly. "Growing up in Odawara. My son's little hands. Minako."

"Then let me apologize again for what I did to her."

"Naoe, how I felt about her...you should know, it doesn't hold a candle to how much I love you."

Naoe kissed him, long and sweetly, and when he drew back, tears glistened in his violet eyes. As they escaped, Takaya brushed them away gently with his fingers.

"You okay?"

"As you said...old wounds beginning to mend."

"Forgive yourself. That's an order."

"As you wish, Takaya."

_mobmobmob_

In all the time he'd gotten to know Naoe again, Takaya had never been to the Tachibana family's temple. The boy had at first been avoiding the feelings Naoe brought up in him, and then Naoe had just been too protective of Takaya to expose him to his family's inevitable assumptions. Since they had become a couple, however, Takaya had begun to spend nearly every weekend here, learning to care for the place as much as Naoe did, especially the garden where they were now sitting.

"If you had told me sooner that you made this place a replica of Father's garden, I might have come right away."

Naoe lifted his fingers from the koi pond, used them to playfully flick water at the boy. "I suppose I wasn't ready for you to remember anything. Not even that day."

"It was a lot like this. That clear blue sky, the wind...except I'm happy now."

Naoe edged closer on the blanket, picked up Takaya's hand and kissed it. "Me too. I hate to mention it, but I saw Kousaka yesterday."

"Great," Takaya groaned. "What did he want?"

"Mostly to congratulate me on taming a tiger, that sort of thing."

"Funny. But I'll never forgive him for targeting Yuzuru."

"How is Yuzuru-san?" Naoe asked.

"Better, I think. He's still having dreams of Kenshin, but he likes them now that he understands who he was. Mostly he's just tired all the time, from all that training with Chiaki. He can use small amounts of his power now without fainting."

"Strange," Naoe murmured, "to think that with his help, we might be able to end the war in this lifetime."

"A lot of clans to fight, though."

"Kousaka also told me Ujimasa is actively recruiting more onryou for the Hojo. Takaya-san...did Ujimasa do something to you when he had you captive?"

Takaya sighed. "He tried to stick his hand down my pants. That's when I remembered the rape. Can you believe it? I even do that to my own brother."

A dark anger clouded Naoe's face, and he pulled Takaya onto his lap and hugged him tightly. "You don't _do_ anything. That's something the monsters told you to try to excuse their own perversions. As long as I live, no one but me will touch you like that again."

Takaya recognized the jealousy in his voice. But there was more than that - Naoe's old protectiveness, his constant love. He put his head on the monk's shoulder.

"Naoe? What if we do win this war? Do we die and get cleansed, and lose each other forever?"

"We could refuse the cleansing. Otherwise...even without my memory, I would find you. You are my impulse to keep existing. No matter where you are, I will find you." Naoe pressed his nose into Takaya's sweet-smelling hair. "Death could never be stronger than what I feel for you."

"Naoe..."

The monk laughed. "But we should probably concentrate on this life. Maybe we'll defeat the Oda by the time you finish college."

"More school? Blech."

"Isn't there anything you want to be?"

_With you._ "Well, don't laugh..."

"Of course not."

"I thought about being a veterinarian. Is that weird?"

"Hardly. You always loved animals, and vice versa. Birds used to fly into your hands and sing to you."

"Really? They did that in this life too, when I was a kid."

Naoe "hmm"ed softly. "Are you going to tell Miya-chan about us?"

"I will, soon. She's gonna be crazy happy. I think she already considers you her brother-in-law. What about _your_ family?" Takaya half-joked.

"The day you turn eighteen, I plan to introduce you to them as my soul mate."

"Naoe!"

"Any earlier, and my brother will think me a pedophile. Any later, and there will be little time to plan the wedding."

"Naoeeee..."

"Well, we don't need to legalize our union if you'd rather not. But I do insist we live together after your birthday. I'll get us an apartment. And I'd be delighted to have Miya-chan with us."

Takaya kissed him, long and slow. "Just until she gets married, okay. She's really gung-ho about that. I caught her phoning a matchmaker last week."

Naoe's eyes sparkled. "Not everyone meets Mr. Right in a garden and gets him four hundred years later. To each his own."

"And my dad will kill me for exposing Miya to our 'alternative lifestyle'," Takaya said with a smirk. "Well, first he'll try to kill you."

"He'll forgive us when we give him grandchildren."

"No way! Didn't Father forbid that anyway?"

"_He_'ll forgive us when we give him grandchildren."

"Naoe!"

With a laugh, Naoe pinned Takaya to the ground and began to tickle him. The boy shrieked and tried to wiggle away, but Naoe persisted until he was nearly out of breath. He finally had to cast a goshinheki barrier to get the monk to stop.

"I may love you, but don't think I won't summon Bishamonten and stick his sword up your ass."

"That would be most improper."

"Which reminds me...you'll come into onsens with me now, right? We're over this bullshit unequal thing, aren't we?"

Faced with such earnestness, Naoe could only answer honestly. "I will try my best, Takaya-san. It will take a long time to undo four hundred years of habit."

"I'm naked in onsens, you know."

"...perhaps we should give it a try."

Smirking knowingly, Takaya accepted Naoe's weight on top of him and the hot tongue gently probing his mouth. He wouldn't let Naoe go too far even in this semi-private place, but contented himself with running his hands in circles under the monk's shirt and slipping a leg between Naoe's to rub at his erection. Naoe was just starting to think he'd need to take Takaya somewhere else when a dignified cough made them both look up.

"N-Niisan, I - " Naoe croaked.

"I knew it!" Tachibana Teruhiro said triumphantly, and walked away without another word.

"Well, that settles it. Guess you're a pedo after all."

Naoe buried his face in Takaya's neck and groaned pitifully. Takaya patted his shoulder.

"No problem, Naoe. We'll just explain to your family that you're Naoe Nobutsuna and I'm Uesugi Kagetora, and we've been in love for four hundred years and we've returned to the world to keep famous dead people from taking over Japan."

"They might buy that, actually. You'll back me up?"

"Always," Takaya said softly, stroking Naoe's cheek as violet eyes stared deep into his soul.

Naoe must have liked what he saw there, always, to have stayed with him this long, must have cherished a faint hope since that day in a similar garden. Maybe it hadn't been love at first sight, but that's not the only thing that binds people. Maybe the wish for love, the belief it will be granted, is enough to sustain a man for lifetimes. The scars that Naoe bore as a testament to unrequited love would stay with him, a reminder of a life that had been.

And the life that, all this time, was waiting to begin.

**The End  
June 26, 2013  
11:26 p.m.**

**So...that's it. I hope it pleased you. I'm not perfectly happy with the ending, but since Naoe and Kagetora's relationship began in a garden, I wanted to leave them there. Also, I apologize if Kenshin comes off as slightly twee. I wanted to make up for the fact that he's kind of a bastard in the novels.**

**Let me know what you thought! Thanks for reading.**


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